Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]

[Andy]

A lady with very small boobs goes into M&S and asks for a bra size 32AAAA. The assistant tells her that they don't do anything that small. She then goes into La Senza and asks the same question. They don't do anything that size either. After several stores with the same answer she storms into Debenham's marches up to the lingerie section, pull up her top and yells, "Do you have anything for these?" The assistant asks, "Have you tried clearasil?"

[Karlos]

Lol!

[Karlos]

I once had a bad experience at a pantomime.

Fortunately, now it's behind me.

[Karlos]

Ok, this one made me laugh. I know it shouldn't have, but what can you do?

Patient, "Doctor, you have to help me. My wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages""
Psychiatrist, "Nonsense! I like sausages too."
Patient,"Great! You should come and see my collection, I've got hundreds of them!"

[Tension]

Back in 2003 when this thread started, all i did was drink, take drugs, fuck, and fight.

Good times.

[Karlos]

And now?

[Zac67]

And now?

Now he's broke.

*SCNR*

[gizz72]

Post 801st for this thread. -- :lol:

[the_leander]

A couple of things I spotted on sikipedia:

Hats off to the Icelandic people.

First they declared themselves bankrupt...

Then they set their island on fire....

Anyone else smell the mother of all insurance frauds?

What's the difference between the Iceland volcano and Cheryl Cole?

The volcano is still blowing ash.

And finally, my favourite:

Life is starting to return to normal for the people in Norfolk for the first time in nearly a century now that regular sightings of "the big scary metal dragons in the sky" have suddenly stopped.

[whabang]

Dear Iceland,

We said send cash.

Yours sincerely,

United Kingdom

^^

[the_leander]

One ticket to Hull please...

The last time Poland saw that much ash in the sky they were related to it.

--edit--

Yeah, I figure I'll get roasted for this one...

[Karlos]

In related news, Bjork is said to be furious at the fact she's no longer the biggest thing from Iceland to spout crap all over the UK and cause so much suffering to so many innocent people...

[whabang]

Yeah, I figure I'll get roasted for this one...

The worst part is that I can't stop laughing.

[the_leander]

The worst part is that I can't stop laughing.

Well at least I know I'll have company in Hull :lol:

[the_leander]

Shamelessly copypasta'd from another forum:

Yesterday I was at my local CO-OP buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

So, since I'm bored and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.

The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's a**e and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from the Co-op.

Better watch what you ask us bored people. We have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

[Karlos]

:lol:

That's a good one. I can actually imagine that...