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AuthorTopic: Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]  (Read 34850 times)

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Offline Wilse

Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]
« on: February 27, 2003, 03:00:15 PM »
Eminem's Glasgow gig is to go ahead despite concerns over a sickening
attitude to women, appallingly obscene language, an irresponsible
attitude to sex and violence, and, of course, the drugs and booze.

Eminem said that, despite these shocking traits, he would wait and
"judge the Glaswegians for himself".
 ;-)

Offline Karlos

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #1 on: February 27, 2003, 03:01:57 PM »
:lol:

Nice one ;-)
int p; // A
 

Offline Karlos

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #2 on: February 27, 2003, 03:16:51 PM »
When I last went home to Hartlepool to see me folks, like, HRH Prince Charles was getting into serious trouble opening a new set of luxury apartments on the Marina sea front.

It transpires that he seriously upset a few folks by wearing a fox fur hat and was booed and heckled throughout the ceremony.

It was later disclosed in the local press that he meant no offence and this incident was the result of a simple misunderstanding based on the advice of HRH The Queen:

Prince Charles : "Errr, Mater, one is opening a new block of apartments in, errr, ah, Hartlepool. One's never visited the region and was wondering what one would suggest one should wear."

The Queen : "Yes, yes, I see. Let one think...Hartlepool, hmmmm, Hartlepool. Where the focks that?"

:-P
int p; // A
 

Offline Vincent

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #3 on: February 27, 2003, 04:30:39 PM »
@Wilse

 :lol:

@Karlos

Another groaner! :-P

Heard something similar to that, it was on an advert at the cinemas with an American comedian selling whiskey.  Can't remember who it was.
Xbox360
"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Karlos

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #4 on: February 27, 2003, 04:56:18 PM »
Hi Vincent,

Unfortunately I haven't heard much good material recently. Well, I have heard some but it's either too tactless or tasteless...

A guy walks into a greasy spoon cafe and asks the proprietor for an all day breakfast.

Customer "I want it cooked a certian way"

Owner "No problem, as long as its nowt fancy..."

Customer "I want to have to wait until I'm about to leave for my food. I want the egg frying until its like rubber. I want two slices of fried bread, each burned to the point of total carbonisation. I want some beans that have been on the hob so long that they've congealed into an unidentifable lump of red-brown cack. I want some mushrooms fried into a soggy black pulp that a starving rat wouldn't touch"

Owner "Hey!, Just hold on a minute there..."

Customer "Don't interrupt! I want two rashers of bacon burned to the point that they've the tensile strength of mild steel, and to wash it all down a cup of tea so weak it's translucent and has odd white lumps bobbing in it..."

Owner, getting p*ssed off, "Look here mate, I don't know what your game is, but I havent got the time to ruin perfectly good food for the like of you"

Customer "Well you found bloody time yesterday!"
int p; // A
 

Offline Vincent

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #5 on: February 27, 2003, 05:02:31 PM »
 :lol:

That's a good one.

I haven't heard any good jokes for years, and the only ones I can remember are the Scotsman, Englishman, Irishman ones.  I think everyone's heard them. ;-)
Xbox360
"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Dagon

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #6 on: February 27, 2003, 11:39:24 PM »
Quote
Eminem's Glasgow gig is to go ahead despite concerns over a sickening attitude to women, appallingly obscene language, an irresponsible attitude to sex and violence, and, of course, the drugs and booze..

Eminem=commercial just like that fagget Marilyn Manson.
It`s all about publicity... they only make publicity by "judging" him as  a "bad" guy... Oh I`m scared, oh I`m shocked of what he is saying lol
I laugh at this kind of music
\\"So we must exercise ourselves in the things which bring happiness, since, if that be present, we have everything, and, if that be absent, all our actions are directed towards attaining it\\" - Epicurus
 

Offline Mike_Amiga

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #7 on: February 27, 2003, 11:44:17 PM »
Send that joke to DJ Jake at Feminem.com

The Insane Clown Posse would like that one. :-)
AKA ED-209 on IRC...
 

Offline dezignersrepublic

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #8 on: February 27, 2003, 11:44:31 PM »
@Dagon

I agree,  a usual eminem song has the following structure:

Sing about something
sing about apologising to his mum for mentioning her in previous songs
gets pissed off and starts criticising his mum again
ends up singing about how his mum neglected him as a child for the 100th time
--
 

Offline Karlos

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #9 on: March 05, 2003, 11:44:04 AM »
Hi all,

Another (slightly rude) joke...

A farmer recently invested in several new sows with the aim of setting up a sideline in pig farming.
Having penned them up with his existing boar, he waited patiently for several weeks to see if any of the pigs became pregnant...

And he waited...

After a few months, he contacted his local vet to come and check that everything was OK. Having completed his diagnosis, the vet explained, 'It seems that there are no fertility problems but your boar has yet to show an interest. You may have to consider getting involved witht the process yourself. I have some information on artificial insemination I could give you. In any event, once your sows are pregnant, you will notice they spend more time laying down than usual...'

Not being the sharpest tool in the box, the farmer declines the leaflets and decides to get his hands dirty just as the vet said he should. He rounded his porcine charges into the back of his truck and drove out to the edge of the wood hoping nobody saw and proceeded to 'service' each one himself. he returned home that evening utterly exhausted. He continued in his efforts for the rest of the week.

On saturday, too exhausted to drag himself out of bed he asked his wife to check on the sows: 'Just let me know if any of them have started lying down yet.'
She returns from the farmyard and fixes him with an exasperated look, 'I checked the pigsty and all the sows had gone. I found all but one of them had climbed into the back of your truck!'

Farmer, 'What about the other one? Was she lying down yet?'

Wife, 'That's the really weird part. She was sat up front beeping the horn!'

:-D
int p; // A
 

Offline Vincent

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #10 on: March 05, 2003, 02:20:01 PM »
 :lol: :lol:
Xbox360
"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Karlos

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #11 on: March 05, 2003, 02:23:10 PM »
Hi Vincent,

Wondered how long it'd take you to notice :-)
int p; // A
 

Offline Vincent

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #12 on: March 05, 2003, 03:10:51 PM »
Hi Karlos

I've only been on the net since about 2.

I've been busy looking at accelerator cards for my A1200 (as you've noticed) :-D
Xbox360
"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Venkman

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #13 on: March 05, 2003, 07:32:55 PM »
haha... nice joke Karl. As soon as I hear some good ones I'll post a few of my own. Unfortunately , all I have at the moment are groaners!

:lol:
Video game developer, former ZX81, C64 and Amiga bedroom coder, amateur astronomer, musician, graphic designer, Linux user and geek!
 

Offline Vincent

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #14 on: March 06, 2003, 04:01:44 AM »
Hi Venkman, I see you've found the comedy of Karlos :-D

We don't mind groaners here, some of Karlos' recent jokes have been groaners.  Anything that'll get a slight smile will do :-D

Also, it's a great way to get your post count up ;-)
Xbox360
"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel