Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]

[Vincent]

Errrmmmm......



thanks :-(



:-P

[Karlos]

Due to chronic overcrowding in Heaven, St. Peter was tasked with devising a selection process to winnow down the number of future entrants.
He comes up with a simple quiz that, he feels, should sort the wheat from the chaff. In order to be fair, he scaled the questions difficulty to match the religious knowledge of the applicant.

Later, a recently deceased bricklayer ascended to heaven, and arrived at the gates.
 
"Who was the first man?" asked Peter.

"Er, Adam. It was Adam"

"That's correct. You may enter."

Soon another man came along.

Peter, "Where did Adam and Eve live?"

"Wasn't that Eden? Yeah, Eden. A garden or something like that."

"That's correct. You may enter."

Later Mother Theresa came along.

"Ooh, I'll have to give you a hard one. What did Eve say when she met Adam for the first time?"

"Mmm, that IS a hard one."

"Enter."

:-P

[Vincent]

[Karlos]

Well, how abou...

Blimey, is that the time?

[Venkman]

And there he was, gone!

I do have some good jokes, but they are all stored on my mobile phone, and like an idiot I've left it at home
:roll:

[Karlos]

Doh!

[Venkman]

heh... Homer Simpson rulez!!!

 :-D

Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck."
His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled." Adam decided to take his friend's advice.

The next day at the bar his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

"Yes, I did," Adam replied.

"Did she like it?"

"Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"

[Karlos]

:roflmao:

More like it :-D

[Vincent]

:lol:

The first non-groaner for ages :-D

[Venkman]

I'm glad I amuse  

:-D  :-P

[Karlos]

I just heard this one. Don't read it if youre' a Bush fan :-D

One day, three boys were out fishing in their dad's boat when they heard a guy yelling for help.
Amazingly, It transpired to be President Bush who, having gotten into difficulty reeling in a catch had fallen overboard and was beginning to drown.

Together  the three boys managed to rescue the President. He thanked them dearly, on behalf of himself, his family and the government. He also invited them to the Whitehouse for a presentation for bravery. In private, he also promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.

The first boy asked for $10,000 and without hesitation, the President wrote him a cheque for the money.
The second boy, encouraged by this, asked for a sports car and surely enough was taken by a member of staff to the nearest showroom.

The third boy asked for a wheelchair.

Slightly bemused by this, President Bush asked of him, “Why do you want a wheelchair, son? You seem to be a perfectly healthy, able-bodied young man. Do your really need one?”

“No, but I will when my pa finds out whose life I saved.”

:-P

[Vincent]

:lol:



There's something drastically wrong here!

That's TWO(!) non-groaners in a row  :-o  :-o

Something's definately not right  :-P

[Karlos]

Ok, heres another...

A middle aged Isish couple, happily married for many years were becoming worried that ther love life was losing its passion. In particular, Paddy was worried he could no longer take his wife to the heights of pleasure he'd once managed.
After a frank discussion they decide to consult a sex therapist.

The therapist was able to suggest many techniques that made the couple blush. But they tried nonetheless.

After a few weeks, it was clear the variation was making little difference.

This time the therapist decided to go along a somewhat unconventional route, "Perhaps we can spice up the mood. Get a strong, young man to fan you with a towel whilst youre making love. I have heard it works wonders from a colleague in the States..."

He proffered a card with a telephone number which he told them was  the contact for an agency that could provide them with such a strong young man, complete with towel...

The couple accepted. That evening, they called the number and within the hour, a tall, dark, handsome muscular young man arrived.

In the bedroom, he stood by the bed, gently wofting the towel whilst the couple attempted to make the earth move.

It didnt happen.

Then the youn man suggested to Paddy that they change places...

After an hour, Paddy's wife was squealing with rapturous delight. Eventually, the young man finished, leaving Paddy's wife wide eyed and grinning deleriously on the bed.

Throwing down the towel with a satisfied pose Paddy sad, "Now that, my boy, is how you fan a towel!"

:-)

[Venkman]

no point posting this cos I'm sat next to you, so I can actually tell how bad it was :-p

Actaully it was pretty good :-D

[Karlos]

Here goes...

This elderly lady goes to see her GP with a most embnarrasing problem.

"Doctor. I have terrible flatulence. No matter what I seem to eat and drink, I constantly have wind. Thank god, it doesnt make much noise, nor smell particularly but it is most embarrasing. Is there anything you can do?"

Without really listening to her, the doctor proceeds to write something on a perscription form, which he then hands her.

"Take one of these tablets, twice a day with meals, for a fortnight and come back to see me."

So, a fortnight passes, and the elderly lady returns, deeply upset.

"Doctor, I'm afraid things are now much worse! In the last fortnight, I've been just as flatulent, only this time, thanks to these tablets, they have been really odourus. It's most embarrasing, I have hardly dare leave the house! Please, Doctor, is there anything else you can do? I don't feel these are helping."

Raising his voice slightly, "Well now, Mrs Johnson. Now we've fixed your olefactory troubles, lets see what we can do for your hearing, shall we?"

:-P

[Karlos]

'embnarrasing'

Jeez! Typos, eh?