Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]

[Venkman]

shall I groan now or later?
 :-D

[Vincent]

@ Karlos, Wilse & Venkman

 :roflmao:

They're good ones today :-D

[Venkman]

Yep, there seems to be a higher quality of groaners than usual today  :-D

[Wilse]

Here's an old one that some of you may have missed:
--

Damn, It's Good to Be a Man! ........ Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too "yucky". Same work. . . more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different? " One mood, ALL the damn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.

You can leave the motel bed unmade. You can kill your own food. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8. 95 for a three-pack. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me. " You don't mooch off other's desserts. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. You don't have to stop and
think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You don't have to shave below your neck. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair
of shoes, one color, all seasons. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes. Damn, it's Good to be a Man.

[Karlos]

Y' darn tootin!

Hey Wilse, are you at home then? I thought your daytime posting days were over...

[Venkman]

Gates (CEO of Microsoft), Andy Grove(CEO of Intel) and Jerry Sanders (CEO of AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussions, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Bill is sitting.

Bill says, "Oh, that's my emergency beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I really need to take this call." So Bill lifts his wristwatch to his ear and begins talking into the end of his tie. After completing this call, he notices the others are staring at him.

Bill explains, "Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way, I can a take a call anywhere."

The others nod, and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts beeping. He also states, "Oh, that is my emergency beeper. Excuse me, gentlemen, this must be an important call." So Andy taps his earlobe and begins talking into thin air.

When he completes his call, he notices the others staring at him and explains, "I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is actually embedded in this fake tooth. Isn't that neat?"

The others nod, and the meeting continues.

Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Jerry emits a thunderous fart. He looks up at the others staring at him and says, "Uhh, somebody get me a piece of paper... I'm receiving a fax."

[Vincent]

:-D

[Karlos]

I got this groaner in my email, made me chuckle a bit...

A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring "Run....Run!"
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!"

A third batter hits a slam and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!"

The next batter steadfastly holds his swing four times and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up and yells "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!"

All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment, whispers to the Scotsman, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls."

After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"

:-)

[Wilse]

Karlos wrote:
Y' darn tootin!

Hey Wilse, are you at home then? I thought your daytime posting days were over...

What can I say? I'm an amiga.org junkie. ;-)

[Vincent]

Karlos, I wouldn't consider that a groaner, maybe it's because it's just me being Scottish though ;-)

Made me snigger anyway :-D

[Vincent]

I've just been checking my emails and got this one today:

One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old china, I want you to make me a new Ark".

Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being anything you want after all you're the guv'... "

But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch. This time Noah, I want not just a couple of decks, . . I want 20 decks one on top of the other".

"20 DECKS!", screams Noah. "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"

"Yep, that's right, well . .. sort of right . . this time I want you to fill it up with fish", God answers.

"Fish?", queries Noah "Yep, fish . . well, to make it more specific Noah, I want carp - wall to wall, floor to ceiling -Carp!"

Noah looks to the skies. "OK God my old mucker, let me get this right, you want a New Ark?"

"Check".

"With 20 decks, one on top of the other?".

"Check".

"And you want it full of Carp?".

"Check"

"Why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether............

"Dunno", says God, "I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark".

 :lol:

[Karlos]

Groan! :-P

Suppose that's revenge for some of mine ;-)

[Venkman]

oh my word!

That is one heck of a groaner....

Q: What do you get if a cat eats a duck?

A: A duck-filled-fatty-puss

 :-D

[Vincent]

:-D

[Karlos]

@Venkman

Groan...

Kinda reminds me of...

What do you get if you cross an Elephant with a poodle?

A dead poodle with a 8 inch ars.... er I mean arrested on animal cruelty charges :-P

Hey, it's comic relief day. Somebody must have some decent jokes...Come on guys! Are ye holding back?

[Wilse]

Hi Karlos,

Hey, it's comic relief day.

OK, you asked for it......

HELP MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE....  DONATE A BULLET FOR RED NOSE DAY....

hey... wouldnt it be more fun to get some ak-47s and just shoot all the
celebs???

"lenny henry... take that for telling your last funny joke on Tiswas..."
BULLET - Bang! Deid!

"joanna lumley.. take that for sapphire and steel..."  BULLET - Bang! Deid.

"normally straight-laced newsreader... take that for thinking your legs are
worthy of more than a rusty saw..."  BULLET

"bob geldof.... take that for 'mary of the fourth form'..."  BULLET

"cast of soap opera ... take that for whining about nuffink and being
pseudo-schemies..."  BULLETS

"irish bloke with big collar... take that for thinking big collars are
funny..." BULLET

"tony blackburn... take that for dumping tessa wyatt and then bubbling about
it on radio"  BULLET

"odd couple singing an unlikely duet together... take that for being as
predictable as the end of a porn movie..." BULLET

"generic pretty boy with gel in his hair from reality TV pop star fame
academy show.. take that for not being strapped to a missile bunker in
baghdad next week..."  BULLET
--

Well, you did ask.... :roll: