Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]

[Star69]

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?

"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts
just once for $10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"

"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much..............."

[PMC]

:lol:

Brilliant!

[whabang]

[Star69]

A Mom is driving her little girl to a friend’s house for a play date. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?”

“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother warns. “It is not polite.”

“Ok,” the little girl says. “How much do you weigh?”

“Now really,” the mother says, “these are personal questions, and really none of your business.”

Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and daddy get a divorce?”

“That is enough questions, honestly!” The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

“My Mom wouldn’t tell me anything,” the little girl says to her friend.

“Well,” said the friend, “all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card—it has everything on it.” Later that night, the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are. You are 32.”

The mother is surprised and asks, “How did you find that out?”

“I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.” The mother is past surprise and shocked now.

“How in heaven’s name did you find that out?”

“And,” the little girl says triumphantly, “I know why you and daddy got a divorce.”

“Oh really?” the mother asks. “And why’s that?”

“Because you got an F in sex.”

[Karlos]

Star69 wrote:

“Because you got an F in sex.”

Oh dear....

[Wilse]

@Vincent:

If it's not on here let me know and I'll try to have a look over the weekend

I checked the search facility and, lo and behold, it LIVES!:
http://www.amiga.org/forums/showthread.php?t=1419

Yet despite scanning all 16 pages, Kenny the Rooster was nowhere to be seen.
He must be hiding somewhere else on the site. :-D

Terry Jones earlier letter to the Observer is on page three too.

And I have to admit to laughing at my own, unremembered rant about Shania Twain, on page four. :-)

I also noticed it was started before the war.
Reccommended reading for all newcomers, that thread. ;-)

[Karlos]

@Wilse

My God. I cannot belive it still exists :-D

[graffias79]

Weird ones I've found:


Q.Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?

A.To get to the same side.

:lol:

A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, 'How much for a beer?' The bartender looks at him, and says 'For you, no charge.'

:lol:

Two atoms bump into each other. One says 'I think I lost an electron!' The other asks, 'Are you sure?', to which the first replies, 'I'm positive.'

:lol:

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says 'Do you know how fast you were going?' Heisenberg says 'No, but I know where I am.'

[Vincent]

@Wilse

Excellent :-D

I'll still have to dig mine out just to make sure I have it before the next cleanup :-)

@graffias79

:lol:

[X-ray]

An elderly couple was sitting on a sofa, the woman knitting and the man smoking his pipe. All of a sudden the woman put down her knitting and slapped her husband so hard that his pipe went flying across the room.
"What was that for?" spluttered the man.
"That's for having such a small penis all these years," she said and carried on knitting.
The man relit his pipe and composed himself. After a minute or two he reached over and slapped his wife so that her jowels quivered and she dropped one of the knitting needles.
"What was that for?" she cried.
"That's for knowing the difference" he said.

[odin]

whabang wrote:
Anyway, for more friday-afternoon leveled humour, try http://demonripper.myftp.org/temp/Pingu.wmv
It's in Swedish, but it's hillarious! :lol:

:roflmao: Brilliant :-D.

So Pingu is Swedish after all, it's true though, the Swedes really talk that silly :-P.

[whabang]

;-)

[Andy]

Q. Why do women rub their eyes in the morning.

A. Because they haven't got any bollocks to scratch.

[Andy]

I went to the doctors today with our lass and the doctor put this small glass tube in her mouth and told her not to open it for 1 minute.

I offered him a tenner for it. :lol:

[Andy]

Now this must be a true groaner.

Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project - an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segall, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all present. Spielberg strongly desired the box office 'oomph' of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select whatever composers they wished to  portray, as long as they were famous.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," replied Willis. "I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Segall. "I'd like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid." Then, turning to Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"  Arnold in a slow deliberate voice replied, "I'll be Bach."

[Star69]

Andy wrote:
"I'll be Bach."

ARGH!! :-D