Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]

[that_punk_guy]

So, there's a director and his personal assistant in the office having a chat about an employee who recently handed in his notice.

Director: "I wonder what was going on with that young man. He just didn't seem happy."

PA: "Well, sir... I think he found it kind of hard to confide in you."

Director: "Well, he never said anything to me about it!"



...Groan! :insane:

[Vincent]

ahem

Sorry, but to me that was just a

tut *shakes head*

:-P

[Karlos]

My god, is this thread still around? :-D

And here was I beginning to think I'd lost touch with the site...

Bugger - I forgot my groaner now ! :lol:

[Karlos]

Wilse wrote:
I was sent this list of 10 things to do at work. I don't find it funny in the normal way I'd find something funny. I found this funny purely because of how outrageous it would be if anyone actually did any of these things:
No, I didn't test any of the suggestions.....
....

Blimey :-o This sounds not unlike the little lady's current boss!

[PMC]

*** Warning - Bad Taste Alert ***

A mate called me the other day.

Mate:" I've had enough of my girlfriend and her constant nagging" he said.

PMC: "Why don't you just dump her mate?"

Mate: "I did better than that.  I've just murdered her."

PMC: "WTF!  You did what???"

Mate: "It's true.  I bludgeoned her round the back of the head with a spade and I've just buried her in the garden".

PMC: "You're having me on!"

Mate: "Tell you what, if you don't believe me then come round to my house and I'll show you".

Well, by this time I was half convinced he's actually done it so I drove round to his place, not knowing what I'd find.

I walked into his garden and noticed him flattening down a mound of earth with his spade.  I couldn't help but see that her backside was in full view, poking out of the mound.

PMC: "Why didn't you bury all of her, why is her arse still sticking out of the ground?"

Mate: "Well, I remembered that I needed somewhere to park my bike".

[aardvark]

Two guys were out hunting in a rural area, climbing over fences with their rifles.
One of the accidently shoots himself and is lying on the ground bleeding profusely.
Luckily the other guy has his cell phone with him and frantically dials 911 (emergency).
He is barely coherent, but tells the operator "My friend accidently shot himself and I think he might be dead."
Operator says "Calm down sir. First things first. Make absolutely sure he's dead."
 He says okay, then after about ten seconds the operator hears a BANG.
Man comes back on the cell phone and says "All right, now what?"

[Wilse]

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and the  cab driver
won't stop staring at her in his mirror.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend
you".

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am
and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear
just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or
ask  that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:

#1, you have to be single and
#2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK"  the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."maybe we will see what we
can do.

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My
dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm
Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween
party."

[PMC]

:lol:

A secretary walks into my office

"Can I use your Dictaphone?" she asks

"No, use the handset like everyone else does".

Okay, I'll get my coat...

[X-ray]

An eight-year-old boy asked his father if he could have a bicycle for Christmas.
"Well, son," said the father, "I can't say there is any reason you need to have a bicycle."
"But Dad," said the kid, "if I have a bicycle I can ride to school and you won't have to drive me anymore."
"Ha!!" exclaimed the father, "you should be walking to school anyway. When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he used to walk 5 miles to school every day"

To which the kid replied "Yes, Dad, but when he was your age, he was president"

[X-ray]

The husband and wife were in the bedroom, ready to retire for the night. The wife was gazing at her contours in the mirror.
"Honey," she said, "wouldn't you like it if I had bigger boobs?"
"Well, poodle-cakes," he said diplomatically, "I didn't marry you for your physical attributes, I married you because I love you"
The wife said "But what if I could have a boob job done for a reasonable price?"
"Oh," said the husband, "I wouldn't complain, but I must stress it isn't that much of a deal to me. How much is reasonable?"
"Eight thousand pounds," said the wife.
"Good lord," said the husband, "that is outrageously expensive. Anyway you can get bigger boobs for almost nothing. All you have to do is rub some toilet-paper between your breasts every morning and your breasts will soon get bigger."
"Don't be silly," said the wife, "that will never work."
"I reckon it will," said the husband, "after all it worked for your bum."

[Andy]

Police arrested two kids the other day. One was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.

[T_Bone]

Andy wrote:
Police arrested two kids the other day. One was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.

Owwwwwww

[Karlos]

@Andy

Well, what can I say? It's the right place for it :-D

[PMC]

An Irish boy was asked by his parents what he wanted for his birthday.

"I wanna watch!" he said

So they let him.

[gizz72]

Greetings,

In a restaurant, how can you tell a virgin from a non-virgin? By their orders. Here's one example:

Virgin would order 'tea please.'
a Married Woman would order 'coke please.'
a Woman with kids would order 'beer please.'
a Slut would order 'ale please.'

Regards,

Gizz72

[Vincent]

We waited 9 hole months for this thread to be resurrected and this is all we get!? :-P

Mind you, Andy and PMC's efforts are pretty awful - in the best possible way :-D

@X-Ray, hope you've had a good read of the groaners in this thread to fully understand why someone (Karlos?) suggested it should be in here ;-)