Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]

[Quixote]

@Seehund:

:roll: My hat's off to you, sir; that was terrible.

[whabang]

@Seehund
GROAN! :lol:

[Doobrey]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were merrily riding across the plains, when suddenly Tonto stopped and dismounted his horse. He got down on all fours, put one ear to the ground and signalled to the Lone Ranger to be quiet.
 After a couple of minutes, he stood up and said "Me think buffalo come".
 The Lone Ranger was stunned, he looked all around but could neither see or hear anything.
 "Tonto, that`s amazing..how do you know that?" he asked..
 Tonto replied "Me got sticky ear" ;-)

[Wilse]

@Seehund:

That was the groaner to end all groaners. :pint:

[Karlos]

@Doobrey

Ick :-)

[whabang]

So, there's a guy standing on a street corner and he sees a really ugly
woman standing next to a sign 'Stop here or follow the road to success'.

I'm not bl**dy stopping here he thinks, so walks along to the next street
corner where he sees a good looking lady next to the same sign 'Stop here
or follow the road to success'.

Getting better, he thinks - wonder what's a bit further along.

So off he strolls till he gets to the next corner where he sees a stunning
example of the female in all it's glory and he's thinking WOW. But, notices
the sign next to her 'Stop here or follow the road to success'.

Well he thinks, can't harm to just see what's on the next corner so off he
strolls, feeling ever so confident and drooling slightly.

As he walks along he notices the street become quieter and realises that
he's walking down a dead-end alley. As he gets to the end of it he looks
around but can't see anybody. Then he notices a smelly old drunk lying on
the ground with a sign next to him 'This is Cess. Suck here!

[Quixote]

Wilse wrote:

@Seehund:

That was the groaner to end all groaners. :pint:

;-) No, sir, there'll always be more.  To wit:

:-? Did I ever tell you guys that in Panama the cockroaches were so big that we used to ride them to school?

;-) And the mosquitoes!  One day, my brother and I returned home from the theater and there were two mosquitoes sitting in the armchairs.  One turned to the other and asked, "Well, should we eat them here, or take them home?"  

The other replied "Let's eat them here; if we take them home, the big kids will take them from us."

:roll: of course, we thought they were joking about there being bigger mosquitoes, until one of them landed at the airforce base the other day.  Those recruits on duty pumped about 300 pounds of fuel into him before they noticed that his markings were wrong...

[Doobrey]

Two friends get off the ski lift on their first ever skiing holiday.
 Fred turns to Pete and says " It`s easy, you just push off and go zig-zag-zig-zag-zig-zag-zig-zag and you`re at the bottom"
 Pete looks confused, and says "I`m sure it`s the other way around..push off and go zag-zig-zag-zig-zag-zig-zag-zig"
 "No no no " says Fred "It`s zig-zag-zig-zag-zig-zag-zig-zag"
 Pete`s still not sure, "I could have sworn on TV they go zag-zig-zag-zig-zag-zig-zag-zig"

Just then, they spot another guy getting off the ski lift and decide to settle the arguement.
 Fred wonders over to the guy and asks " Me and my friend were wondering what`s the right way to go down this slope, is it zig-zag-zig-zag-zig-zag-zig-zag or zag-zig-zag-zig-zag-zig-zag-zig ?"
 The other guy scratches his head, stokes his chin and thinks for a while , then replies "I`ve got no idea, I don`t ski, I`m a tobogannist"
 Quick as a flash, Fred asks "In that case, can I have 20 Marlboro ?"

 :-D

[Karlos]

OMG, they're genuinely awful :lol:

Keep em coming!

[that_punk_guy]

Apologies if this has been posted before, I hadn't heard it before so I couldn't resist sharing...



I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low-cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and tossed them down to me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are so happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."


The moral of this story?

Always keep your condoms in your car.

[Vincent]

:lol:

[odin]

:roflmao:
That was very funny punk_guy :-).

[Venkman]

OMG, is the groaners corner still alive?!?!?  :-o

[that_punk_guy]

I bumped it back up from the depths ;-)

[Wilse]

@tpg:

Nice one! :pint:

[Cyberus]

seen it before punky  :-P