Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]

[Quixote]

:-? Did you hear about the two tankers that collided in the Atlantic?  One was carrying red paint, while the other carried purple paint.  The combined crews managed to swim to a nearby island, but they were marooned.

[Vincent]

omg, now that's a groaner.

Karlos, you've got some catching up to do to compete with Quixote now :-P

[that_punk_guy]

Constipated mathematician:  Worked it out with a pencil.

 ;-)

[Quixote]

[FluffyMcDeath]

that_punk_guy wrote:
Constipated mathematician: ..

On a vaguely related matter:

Theives broke into the local police station last night and stole all of the toilet seats. Police say they have nothing to go on.

[that_punk_guy]

 :lol:

[Vincent]

These are getting really bad now, worthy of the name Groaner once again.  All you can really do to these groaners tho is :lol:

[Billsey]

[Quixote]

:-? Without being able to recall the passage from the top of my head, the subtleties escape me.  It seems the author is paralleling "Farmer Gangs" with, say, biker gangs, in that they fight a lot.  Presumably the term "Farmer Gangs" was part of the parable.

Am I far off the mark, Billsey?

[Karlos]

Wow, is that tumbleweed?

Anybody hear that church bell tolling in the distance?

:-)

[Karlos]

Meanwhile, in the Oval Office...

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now what are you asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's whose name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?  

 

[alx]

:lol: :roflmao:  :lol:
@Karlos

Great joke - certainly not a groaner :-)

------------

But who says it's not entirely untrue? :-D

[Karlos]

It's got to be said, you can just picture the scene :-)

[Vincent]

:roflmao:

That's hilarious mate :-D

[jd997uk]

IRB Rugby World Cup 2003

Following complaints made to the IRB about the All Blacks being motivated by performing the 'Haka' before their games, other nations were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their own.

The IRB Rugby World Cup 2003 Organising Committee has now agreed to the following displays:

A. The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles before moaning about how they invented the game, and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair that everyone can beat them now. Failing that they will see what the Americans are doing and join in.

B. The Scotland team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before smashing an Irn Bru bottle over their opponents heads.

C. The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents dressing room.

D. Unfortunately the Committee were unable to accept the Welsh suggestion following representations from the RSPCA.

E. Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory, claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be forcibly removed by the England team.

F. Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important than the other 13 whom they will coral between the posts whilst they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves.

G. The Americans will not attend until almost full time. In future years they will amend the records to show that they were in fact the most important team in the tournament and Hollywood will make a film called Saving No.8 Lyle'.

H. Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marsaillaise and hold the rest of the team to ransom.

I. The Italian team will arrive in red penis-substituting cars, sexually harass the female stewards and then run away.

J. The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch, mow it and then claim that it was all in line with European "grass quotas". They will then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time, when their appeal for compensation against the UK Government will be heard.

K. The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering good salaries to the key opposition players (over 35) and then run around the pitch at high speed in a highly efficient manner before buying the ground (with a subsidy from the UK Government).

L. The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park lorries across the half-way line, let sheep loose in the opposition half (much to the delight of Wales!) and burn the officials.

However the French may not attend the World Cup at all as it involves the deployment of Frenchmen for violent physical activity in another part of the world.

M. The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite all their mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush.


-john

[zudobug]

Young Tommy McLaughlin

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."

The priest asks, "Is that you, young Tommy McLaughlin?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And, who was the woman you were with?"

"Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Patricia Connor?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Liz Shannon?"

"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."

"Was it Kathy Morgan?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"

"Please, Father, please, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy McLaughlin, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone.

You cannot attend church for three months. Be off with you now."

Tommy walks back to his pew.

His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Three month's vacation and five good leads," says Tommy.