Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]

[Karlos]

Time for another wee bit 'o silliness...



An unusual 10 pound baby boy was delivered in a local hospital that had the maternity staff in a quandry. The odd thing about him was his body only weighed five pounds and the remaining weight was down to his phenominally overdeveloped Jacobs' s. None the nurses had ever seen anything like him and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him, so they deferred to the chief surgeon.
 
A short while later, the chief surgeon walked in and examined the boy. After a while, he drew his conclusion.

"Regrettably, as far as I can tell this infant should be immediately consigned to an appropriate mental institution."

''Why on earth do you support that prognosis? " asked the head midwife, startled by the revelation.

She continued, "None of the other doctors who have examined him have notied that he might be in any way mentally impared. It's just the, other, er couple of things", she added euphamistically.

"Is it not obvious?"

"Not to me it isn't!"

"Well, take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts!"

:-P

[Venkman]

Oh My Word!

That was...... *GROANS*

 :-D

[Karlos]

Another one I bet Calen already posted on St. Patricks' day...

An old Irishman lived a humble life all he truly owned was a female donkey called Mary. One fine day, lady Fortune smiled upon him and he won a small jackpot the lotto. His prize money totaled £ 25,000.

Having been so poor, he doesn't know what to do with his money. A friend reccomends that he should go to Dublin and live high life for a while.

So, Mary in tow,  he heads for Dublin and finds a nice 5 star hotel to spend a night in.

He asks  for the finest room and attempts to enter the place with his donkey. The manager sees him and asks where he's going with his donkey.
 
"Anywhere I go, she goes."

"I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you can't take the donkey inside. Leave it down here with us and we'll ensure someone comes to take good care of her."
Reluctantly he entrusts Mary to the hotel courtesy staff and goes up to examin his luxury room.

On opening the door he's dazzled by the opulence. Everything seems to be covered in gold, hardwood, there is a table full of gourmet food, and a huge television.

Out of his depth, he doesn't want to ruin anything so he takes his raggedy coat off and sleeps on the floor.

The next morning the manager comes up to the room and asks how his night was.

''Grand, grand. To be sure I never stayed in such a fine place. How much do I have to pay ye?
 
''Well, sir. One thousand pounds for the food.''
 
''Bejeezus! But I haven't even touched the food."

''It was right there, so you should have. Two thousand pounds for the TV."
 
''Mary! But I didn't even know how to turn the damn thing on!''
 
''It was there, so you should have. Five thousand for the four poster bed with silk sheets and en-suite facilites."
 
''But I only slept on the floor! I haven't even stepped into the bathroom yet!''
 
''It was there. There's also a two thousand pound charge for handling your donkey. Your total is ten thousand pounds."

''Ten thousand? Away with ye! You owe me ten thousand for humping my donkey.''
 
''But sir, I didn't do any such thing to your donkey.''

'She was there. You should have!''

:-)

[Karlos]

A man walks into a pub, slaps a wad of cash on the bar and asks for six double brandys.
 
Landlord, "Well, guv,  you must have had one crap excuse for a day."

"I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The man downs his drinks quickly, rapidly gets into a stupor annd forgets his woes before staggering home.

The next day, he returns, looking even more stressed than the previous day.

Landlord, "Still not got over the shock then?"

"Worse! I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

Again, he guzzles the brandy and settles down for a night not to remember...

On the third day, he returns and orders yet another six double brandys.

Landlord, "Stone me, guv! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

The man downed the first drink and looked the landlord, "Sure! There's my wife for starters!"

:-)

[Venkman]

:roflmao:

very good

:-D

[N7VQM]

Karlos wrote:
Time for another wee bit 'o silliness...



An unusual 10 pound baby boy was delivered in a

I read this one to my wife.
She asks, "Was that supposed to be funny?"
I say, "It was suppose to be a groaner."
She says, "Groaner...or GROINER?"

[Karlos]

N7VQM wrote:
I read this one to my wife.
She asks, "Was that supposed to be funny?"
I say, "It was suppose to be a groaner."
She says, "Groaner...or GROINER?"

:lol:

Here's an old, slightly rude one I bet you heard before...

Q. Why did Clinton have such a hard time deciding what to do with Elian Gonzalez?
 
A. The last time he decided where to put a Cuban he was almost impeached...

:-)

[Vincent]

:lol:

Nice jokes Karlos :-D

[whabang]

One HUGE groan for Karlos... :-D

[whabang]

Here's a cruel one:

Q: What happens when two gay men mix up super glue and vaseline?

A: The space shuttle crashes...

[Karlos]

Hi Whabang!

Ooooh, that's of dodgy taste.. Somebodys gonna toast your ass for that one, I'm sure!

I was chatting with Venkman on ICQ last night, told him plenty of jokes I don't dare put here

:-D

[Wilse]

Hey Karlos,

I was chatting with Venkman on ICQ last night, told him plenty of jokes I don't dare put here

Aw, go on...... :-P

[Karlos]

Wilse wrote:
Hey Karlos,

I was chatting with Venkman on ICQ last night, told him plenty of jokes I don't dare put here

Aw, go on...... :-P

Haway man. There's bairns come readin' the site, like!

[Venkman]

haha.. yeah Karl. You don't wanna go posting those in here. They definately scored 100% on the Bad-Taste-O-Meter

 :-D

[Karlos]

Hi all,

Time for another dose of morning silliness. Ah ah, come on, open up, hear comes the aeroplane...

Newscaster, "News just in. A terrorist has managed to hijack 747 containing a large party of senior policiticans, lawyers and other legal advisers. Nobody seems to know at this time who the terrorist is, which faction he represents or why he hijacked the fight. We can go live to the scene now..."

Reporter, "Yes, a tense scene here. A SWAT team has surrounded the aircraft which is currently grounded. Negotiations with the hijacker are going on at this moment. As you said, the plane was carrying a large contingent of politicans and laywers."

"Do we know anything more at this time? What threats has the hijacker made so far?"

"Given the nature of the passengers on board, extreme caution is being used in dealing with the hijacker, who so far has refused any attempt to compromise. If his demands aren't met, he's threatening to release one every hour..."

[Karlos]

One morning a blind bunny was lolloping through the field. Suddenly he tripped over a large snake and fell right on his twitchy little nose.

"Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny.  "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see."

"That'ssss perfectly all right," replied the snake.  "To be ssssure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't ssssee you coming.  By the way, what kind of animal are you?"

"Well, I really don't know, 'cos I'm blind, and I've never seen myself.  Maybe you could examine me and find out."

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, now, you're ssssoft, and cuddly, and you have long ssssilky earssss, and a little fluffy tail and a little twitchy little nose... I know, you must be a bunny rabbit!"

"Ah, I always wondered! What kind of animal are you?"

"Likewissse, I'm not sure. Maybe you could examine me..."

So the little bunny nuzzled the snake up and down it's length with his sensitive twitching nose...

"Well, what kind of an animal am I?"

"You're hard, you're cold, you're scaly and you haven't got any balls... You must be a f***ing lawyer!"

:-D