Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]

[Andy]

 :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

I believe you guys would love the new "Lizard's Lounge" over at Whyzzat.com.

http://www.whyzzat.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=10

I've decided that that's the appropriate place to open a forum  dedicated to jokes and humor.  Since it's a lot less "family oriented", you should be able to post more.

Wayne

[Karlos]

@Wayne..



Excellent

[Vincent]

Excellent

Indeed

[X-ray]

Two women are walking home after a girlie night out. They are very drunk and the walk home is taking some time due to their intoxicated state.
Eventually, they find themselves desperate for a wee.

At that particular moment, they are passing a church and decide to go behind the headstones in the graveyard. As they finish they both realize they have nothing to 'freshen-up' with so the first woman decides to use her knickers and then throw them away.
The second woman is wearing very expensive underwear and is reluctant to lose them, when she notices a new grave nearby with lots of fresh flowers, amongst which is a very lavish bouquet with a thick soft ribbon.
'Just the job' she decides and without another thought, duly drags the bouquet over and uses the ribbon to dry herself. Their task completed, the women continue staggering home.

Next morning, the husband of the first woman phones the husband of the second. "We need to keep an eye on our wives. Mine came home with no knickers on last night."

"You think you've got problems" exclaims the second husband "My wife came home last night with a card stuck up her arse that said, "We'll Never Forget You - From All the Lads at the Fire Station"

[X-ray]

A woman brought her hamster to the vet to be examined. The vet placed the hamster on the examination table, examined it and finally told the woman that the motionless hamster was dead. The woman was very upset and asked for a second opinion.
The vet whistled once and a labrador appeared. He put his front paws up on the examination table and sniffed the hamster's backside. He looked at the vet and shook his head sadly. Not good.
The labrador left and a cat appeared. The cat jumped up onto the examination table and sniffed the hamster up and down, touching his whiskers on the hamster's fur. After a while the cat also shook his head sadly. The hamster was dead.
"I'm sorry, your hamster really is dead," said the vet, "and I must bill you £450."
"What!!" exclaimed the woman, "that's a lot of money, why so much?"
"Well," said the vet, "if you had accepted my original diagnosis it would have been only £30, but the lab report and the cat scan is expensive you know."

[Doobrey]

Oh dear God... please make the bad man stop... :lol:

[Doobrey]

Q. What colour are hiccups ??


A. Burple.

[X-ray]

@ Doobrey  :lol:

--------------------------------------------------------

A young boy was with his father, waiting to cross the road. The boy noticed two dogs crossing the road, one mounting the other. He asked his father what was going on there.
"Well, son," said the father, thinking quickly, "the dog at the back has sore paws and the dog in front has kindly offered to let him put his paws on her back while they cross the road."

"Hmmm," said the boy, "that just goes to show, you help somebody out and they screw you..."

[Wilse]

Historical Nuclear Accident Anniversary joke:

Q Why shouldn't you wear Y Fronts in Ukraine?
A Because Chernobyl Fallout...

I feel rather ignored in my requests to move this thread to Whyzzat.com.

[X-ray]

Surely there can be a dedicated cut 'n paster (from Whyzzat) who can copy groaners from here to there? I'm sure nobody here would mind (I certainly wouldn't).

Think about that statement for a moment.  What logic would that make?  Please.  Take this thread there.  I can't possibly make it any more clear and unambiguous.

[X-ray]

I guess my statement only makes sense if both sites are to continue enjoying these groaners. It seems to me that if the groaners are moved to Whyzzat, instead of being copied there, then AO members such as myself who do not intend to frequent Whyzzat might not be able to contribute/enjoy them anymore.

[CannonFodder]

A man escapes from prison and breaks into someone’s house thinking he will find some food, money and maybe weapons. When he enters he sees a couple having sex. He ties the man to a chair and after that he ties the woman to the bed and kisses her on the neck. Then he goes into the toilet.

The husband says to her:
- Dear, this guy just escaped from jail, look at his clothes. Probably he spent a lot of time in jail and did not see a woman for a long time. I saw the way he kissed you. If he wants sex, don’t oppose, don’t scream, do everything he says. I beg of you, give him satisfaction, even if you hate him. I don’t want him to kill us both. Be strong, my love! I love you!

The woman replies to him:
- He did not kiss me, he whispered something at my ear. He told me that he is gay and that he thinks you are cute. After that he asked me if we have any Vaseline in the house and I told him that we have some in the bathroom. Be strong, my love! I love you too!

[whabang]

I love you! :-)