Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]

[PMC]

*** Warning - Bad Taste Alert ***

A mate called me the other day.

Mate:" I've had enough of my girlfriend and her constant nagging" he said.

PMC: "Why don't you just dump her mate?"

Mate: "I did better than that.  I've just murdered her."

PMC: "WTF!  You did what???"

Mate: "It's true.  I bludgeoned her round the back of the head with a spade and I've just buried her in the garden".

PMC: "You're having me on!"

Mate: "Tell you what, if you don't believe me then come round to my house and I'll show you".

Well, by this time I was half convinced he's actually done it so I drove round to his place, not knowing what I'd find.

I walked into his garden and noticed him flattening down a mound of earth with his spade.  I couldn't help but see that her backside was in full view, poking out of the mound.

PMC: "Why didn't you bury all of her, why is her arse still sticking out of the ground?"

Mate: "Well, I remembered that I needed somewhere to park my bike".

[PMC]

:lol:

A secretary walks into my office

"Can I use your Dictaphone?" she asks

"No, use the handset like everyone else does".

Okay, I'll get my coat...

[PMC]

An Irish boy was asked by his parents what he wanted for his birthday.

"I wanna watch!" he said

So they let him.

[PMC]

Vincent wrote:

Mind you, Andy and PMC's efforts are pretty awful - in the best possible way :-D

Hey!  Mine are all quality gags...  

Actually, I quite like knob gags, but I can't get the g/f to wear one.

[PMC]

:lol:

Brilliant!

[PMC]

The other week I was out on the town and got chatting to this German girl.  She invites me back to her place for what she promised would be the greatest night of passion in my life.

I was somewhat confused when she handed me some springs to rest my hands and feet on and even more so when she asked me to start quacking.  

Anyway, she was right.  It was THE most incredible night of passion I've ever had in my life.  I had to ask her how she did it.

"Foursprung Duck Technique" was her answer...

[PMC]

Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are duelling away, with lightsabres flashing accompanied by the sounds of heavy breathing and grunting.

"I know what you're getting for christmas son" said Vader

"Just how in hell can you know that?" replied Skywalker jr

"I felt your presents".

[PMC]

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says

"I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins.

"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went 'bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"

The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

[PMC]

Star69 wrote:
@PMC

I think we've been to the same website ;-)

[Ahem] Can't possibly think what website you mean... ;-)