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Author Topic: Hnnnngh! - title edited to fit in Bloodline's ickle screen ;)  (Read 5187 times)

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Offline the_leanderTopic starter

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Re: GGGGGGGGGGGGGYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
« Reply #14 from previous page: August 04, 2008, 04:44:25 PM »
Quote

Oliver wrote:
Quote
the_leander wrote:
I've tried correcting him (something his mother refuses to do) but to no avail.


I think on a psychological basis, with this situation, your corrections of the facts will not hold in your son's mind, if this is allowed to continue. I'm certainly no expert in this field though.

Maybe when you are alone with your son, you can ask him if someone/who told him these things? Is he old enough to answer a question like that?


Certainly he would answer, the problem is that I'm unsure if he would answer honestly or do his best to guess what I want to hear... He's at that age...

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Oliver wrote:
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I honestly don't know how much more I can take before I crack on this.


In terms of retaliation, I would be very cautious about doing anything which could alienate you from your son.


I wasn't thinking in terms of retaliation, but rather that I would have to withdraw from the situation before I break down.

Quote

Oliver wrote:
Do you know anyone who could give you some really well informed advice on this? Is there anyone on the forum with expertise in this sort of matter? I think this forum tends to be a bit more in the technical or creative slants.

I hope it works out for you. I can't really imagine what that would be like, though the heart goes out.


Metalman's amazon links look interesting and I'll see if I can get them from the library. As far as someone specific, not sure, possibly not. But I've found in the past when I've asked that even if I didn't get the answer here, I was at least pointed in the right direction.
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Offline cecilia

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my dear frined, your ex is a fu*king cu^t

the problem is not your son who is being manipulated by this piece of fecal matter.

don't take it out on your son. Remind him at appropriate moments that he needs to call YOU dad. whatever he calls the other guy is not important, really, because that poor shmuck is also being manipulated...

you son should call you dad. period. don't yell at him or get mad, just make a reminder when you have to.
be unemotional about it like you are reminding him to call a tree and "Tree" or the sky, "Sky". Like you are just teaching him the correct names for things.

and I like the idea of calling your ex by her name rather than "mommy".

but never say anything negative about your ex in front of your son. THAT is a diservice to him. I'm sure you know this because you are not a horrible person like she is.

Just remember that she is trying to push your buttons. Don't give her that power
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Offline metalman

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the_leander wrote:
I've tried correcting him (something his mother refuses to do) but to no avail.

I honestly don't know how much more I can take before I crack on this.


"Dad" is a title you earn with interaction time. You must ignore the insults, and visit and interact with your son regularly to become "Dad".

Look at the reality of divorce. The mother gets to raise the kids. The father gets VISITATION. That means you spend some time entertaining and interacting with your son when you visit. The reality is, it is very emotionally painful to be just an intermittent visitor, for both you and your son. If you don't visit regularly, your son will have feelings of abandonment and rejection.
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Offline bloodline

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Hey the_leander! Any chance of editing the subject line of your original post to something a little shorter... It currently is a bit of a pain to view on my iPhone's ickle screen :-)

Offline the_leanderTopic starter

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Done  :lol:
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Offline bloodline

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Quote

the_leander wrote:
Done  :lol:


Yay! Thanks :-)

Offline Belial6

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Quote

metalman wrote:
Quote
the_leander wrote:
I've tried correcting him (something his mother refuses to do) but to no avail.

I honestly don't know how much more I can take before I crack on this.


"Dad" is a title you earn with interaction time. You must ignore the insults, and visit and interact with your son regularly to become "Dad".

Look at the reality of divorce. The mother gets to raise the kids. The father gets VISITATION. That means you spend some time entertaining and interacting with your son when you visit. The reality is, it is very emotionally painful to be just an intermittent visitor, for both you and your son. If you don't visit regularly, your son will have feelings of abandonment and rejection.


MetalMan's post is very true.  If, as it sounds, this other guy is living in the home with your son, it is absolutely imperative that he take on a fatherly role.  If he doesn't, your kid is going to grow up screwed up.

We now live in a day and age where having two mommies, or two daddies is not all that uncommon for a couple of reasons.  You might want to see if the other 'dad' would be willing to split the titles.  One of you can be 'papa' and the other 'dad', or something like that.  Just as children have had to learn from the beginning of humanity that a second or third child does not make them less to their parents.  Parents are now having to learn to cope with the idea that having a third or forth parent doesn't have to make them less of a parent to their child.

You also mentioned that you heard your son say that you were not his real father.  Consider what could have possibly been said that would illicit such a comment.  It is unlikely that the other guy told your son that he was his dad, and your son responded with a "He's not my real dad."  Pretty much all imaginable conversations that could have lead to your child's comment involve the other guy defending your father status to your son.

(I certainly don't know the whole story, so take anything in the above post as internet rambling)
 

Offline A4000_Mad

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Quote

the_leander wrote:
Done  :lol:


It's still too big for the screen of my Nokia N95 which is even ickler than bloodline's ;-)
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Offline the_leanderTopic starter

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*facepalms*

 :-P  :lol:
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Offline odin

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Let alone my E51's screen...

Offline bloodline

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A total mess on my old wap mobile!