The Unofficial Professor F J Lewis Appreciation Thread

[X-ray]

Ja it is strange, I thought there would be more takers.
Where are they?

[adz]

-edit-

@X-Ray & CannonFodder

Are we the only people reading this thread, or is it just that nobody else finds it funny? :lol:

I've wet myself numerous times from laughter. Unfortunately, my feeble language skills have let me down somewhat, hence my participation thus far has been that of a mere spectator.

[X-ray]

"...I've wet myself numerous times from laughter. Unfortunately, my feeble language skills have let me down somewhat, hence my participation thus far has been that of a mere spectator..."
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See a solid steel wrecking ball, 2 metres across and weighing more than 1 tonne? Do you see that, sir?
That's your language skills, that is.
Which is far better than CannonFodder's, which is the tiniest grain of flour, not worth even a weevil's contemplation.
You cannot do worse than him even if you are anaesthetised.
That's the truth, that is.

[X-ray]

I tell the audience one thing though, and I tell the audience verily: if there is one thing worth scoffing at, it is a sneeble-greeber.
Especially when the sneeble being greebed is attached to a pink bicycle with a basket on the front and Barbie doll decals on the side.
That's scoff-worthy, that is.
That's the source of much ridicule, indeed.

[X-ray]

Hah!!
That's me scoffing at all of you, that is.

[PMC]

I've been loving this thread from the start but unlike both you two cunning linguists I am somewhat unable to compete with the level of wit and faux sarcasm here.

Keep it up though, it's bloody funny.

[Karlos]

See that?

That's your idea of miss world, that is.

[X-ray]

I have seen such a specimen before, in the collected works of Charles Darwin.
I did not know such specimens were still to be found.
That's your girlfriend, that is.
Lured to your house by a piece of rotting haddock towed behind a VW Beatle.

[Karlos]

Well, it worked on you...

[PMC]

You see that rotting piece of haddock, renting the air with the stench of decomposition and scattering chunks of decaying piscine flesh as it's dragged along the street by a decrepit VW, belching oily fumes into the air?

That's your g/f's pants that is.

[X-ray]

I have seen those pants, yes.

[Karlos]

X-ray wrote:
I have seen those pants, yes.

Yes, you were wearing them. You prefer worn out and soiled ladies underwear to your own worn out and soiled underwear as your usual cruedly sewn potato sack underwear chafes more and smells worse.

[X-ray]

Those are the words of a man who does not wear pants at all.
You've got no pants and you're on the phone.

[Karlos]

This from a man so unhygenic that his own bodily secretions have, over the years of continuous wear without ever taking them off, transmuted his pitiful rags into a fetid, ersatz suit of armour. There you stand, barely able to move in the constrictive shell it has become, at the centre of a swirling galaxy of flies.

[X-ray]

The reason you don't have pants is because they were confiscated after you continuously soiled them.
That was when you were in your twenties.
That's scoff-worthy, that is.

[Karlos]

X-ray wrote:
The reason you don't have pants is because they were confiscated after you continuously soiled them.

Confiscated by you, a disturbing look of desperate need on your face.

That's scoff-worthy, that is.

Yes, I recall you scoffed them quite voraciously, washing them down with a mug of suspicious brown liquid that gave off a rank ammoniacal smell not unlike your outdoor latrine. The one you haven't been able to flush since 1937 and is fringed with various crystalline substances left behind from the evaporation of the result your visits. Not that you manage to make it there most of the time, standing with the slightly embarrased look of the acutely incontinent as a yellow puddle forms around your feet, extracting dark stains from your unwashed trousers in the process.