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Author Topic: Politically Incorrect Christmas Groaners  (Read 5871 times)

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Offline GadgetMasterTopic starter

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Politically Incorrect Christmas Groaners
« on: December 22, 2004, 11:58:41 PM »
A husband and wife were having dinner at a fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"

"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress."

The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce."

"I understand," replies her husband, "but remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But... the decision is yours."

Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks.

"That's his mistress," replies her husband.

"Oh," says the wife, "... Ours is prettier."

:-D
 

Offline GadgetMasterTopic starter

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Re: Politically Incorrect Christmas Groaners
« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2004, 12:01:49 AM »
With sympathies to 'Men' and apologies to all the lovely 'women' on the planet

A "Husband Shopping Center" has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among any men.

The store has six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?"
And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!"

And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

"Oh, mercy me! Its getting better and better. But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor number 123,974,389,012,345 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
 :-P  :-P  :-P
 

Offline Karlos

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Re: Politically Incorrect Christmas Groaners
« Reply #2 on: December 23, 2004, 01:05:13 AM »
:lol:

That last one sounds like it could be one of Wilse's old ones :-D
int p; // A
 

Offline GadgetMasterTopic starter

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Re: Politically Incorrect Christmas Groaners
« Reply #3 on: December 10, 2010, 06:34:36 PM »
Was out shopping today.

A woman farted on the elevator.

I thought it was funny on so many levels.

:hat:
 

Offline Karlos

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Re: Politically Incorrect Christmas Groaners
« Reply #4 on: December 10, 2010, 09:26:34 PM »
Oh dear!

:lol:
int p; // A
 

Offline GadgetMasterTopic starter

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Re: Politically Incorrect Christmas Groaners
« Reply #5 on: December 10, 2010, 10:30:39 PM »
Quote from: Karlos;598095
Oh dear!

:lol:

Yeah. I know. :D

I can't believe I started this thread at Christmas time 6 whole years ago. WoW!
 

Offline Karlos

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Re: Politically Incorrect Christmas Groaners
« Reply #6 on: December 10, 2010, 10:31:57 PM »
Quote from: GadgetMaster;598106
Yeah. I know. :D

I can't believe I started this thread at Christmas time 6 whole years ago. WoW!


Yeah, time flies, doesn't it?
int p; // A
 

Offline Speelgoedmannetje

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Re: Politically Incorrect Christmas Groaners
« Reply #7 on: December 10, 2010, 10:35:07 PM »
Quote from: GadgetMaster;598091
Was out shopping today.

A woman farted on the elevator.

I thought it was funny on so many levels.

:hat:

All my hetero friends try to convince me beautiful women do not fart, and if they do it smells like flowers....
And the canary said: \'chirp\'
 

Offline GadgetMasterTopic starter

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Re: Politically Incorrect Christmas Groaners
« Reply #8 on: December 10, 2010, 10:44:46 PM »
Quote from: Speelgoedmannetje;598109
All my hetero friends try to convince me beautiful women do not fart, and if they do it smells like flowers....

Show them this video :

[youtube]CPeVU2bUMGc[/youtube]
 

Offline GadgetMasterTopic starter

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Re: Politically Incorrect Christmas Groaners
« Reply #9 on: December 10, 2010, 10:47:35 PM »
Quote from: Karlos;598108
Yeah, time flies, doesn't it?
It sure does.

But groaners always withstand the test of time. The don't ever get any better. :biglaugh:
 

Offline Karlos

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Re: Politically Incorrect Christmas Groaners
« Reply #10 on: December 10, 2010, 10:55:23 PM »
Quote from: Speelgoedmannetje;598109
All my hetero friends try to convince me beautiful women do not fart, and if they do it smells like flowers....


The best you can hope for is a fart that doesn't smell much. Farts that smell floral is clearly wishful thinking!
int p; // A
 

Offline Speelgoedmannetje

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Re: Politically Incorrect Christmas Groaners
« Reply #11 on: December 11, 2010, 12:44:37 AM »
Quote from: GadgetMaster;598111
Show them this video :

[youtube]CPeVU2bUMGc[/youtube]


Eh, I understand nothing of it because of the quick talking and the background noise? What do they say?
And the canary said: \'chirp\'
 

Offline Speelgoedmannetje

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Re: Politically Incorrect Christmas Groaners
« Reply #12 on: December 11, 2010, 12:45:26 AM »
Quote from: Karlos;598113
The best you can hope for is a fart that doesn't smell much. Farts that smell floral is clearly wishful thinking!
Matters what kind of floral scent...
And the canary said: \'chirp\'
 

Offline adz

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Re: Politically Incorrect Christmas Groaners
« Reply #13 on: December 11, 2010, 04:44:03 AM »
Nothing worse than a fart you can actually taste :lol: Or one that burns on its way out :roflmao:
 

Offline A4000_Mad

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Re: Politically Incorrect Christmas Groaners
« Reply #14 on: December 11, 2010, 12:10:37 PM »
Quote from: GadgetMaster;158060
A husband and wife were having dinner at a fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"

"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress."

The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce."

"I understand," replies her husband, "but remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But... the decision is yours."

Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks.

"That's his mistress," replies her husband.

"Oh," says the wife, "... Ours is prettier."

:-D


That's a good one :lol:
A4000 Mad