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Offline Dan

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #29 on: December 12, 2004, 02:48:04 PM »
Quote

the_leander wrote:
from the Daily Mirror:

A LOVING father was barred from his home and parted from his family for six months after he smacked his three-year-old son in public.

The astonishing curb was imposed in a bail order while the 41-year-old dad-of-two waited 20 weeks to be tried for common assault.

Read more here.

Commenting on the orginal article so I get that out of the way.
I´m not suprising that socialservice is blowing the whole thing out of proportion after all thats their reason to exist the petty powermade bureaucrats that they are. Social Services motto:
If a family isn´t screwed up when they get here, we will make sure that they are when they leave. :lol:
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Offline the_leanderTopic starter

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #30 on: December 12, 2004, 02:59:55 PM »
@ Dan

Welcome back  :lol:

I must admit that Social Services pretty much sum up in one department my beef with the Civil service at large and for the reasons you describe.

Shame, because there are an awful lot of good people who are in the service that really do care but are stiffled into insignificance by the powers that be.

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Offline Dan

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #31 on: December 12, 2004, 10:07:25 PM »
Quote

X-ray wrote:
You also say 'Parents do not own their children'
Does this mean they are like those little Troll keyrings, that you have for a certain number of years, are obliged to feed and clothe, but simultaneously treat as equals? Who is responsible for the child, Dan? Is it the child himself or is it a benevolent pixie at the bottom of the garden?

Ultimately society is responsible for all children(minors). Don´t be ridiculous.

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It isn't about 'owning' the child, it is about doing that which you are obliged to do to bring the child up according to your ideals, whilst simultaneously observing the law of the land. If this wasn't so, parents would not be liable for charges of neglect and they would be freely allowed to abandon chldren with no reproach.

It is very much about owning the child, far to many people think that their children will be a minicopy of themself. That children shouldn´t have their own opinions.Every living thing has it´s own will. And finally I know no country where it´s illegal to turn over a child to social services if you cant take care of it.

The thing is that todays society doesn´t allow for the fact that bringing up children takes time.
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Offline Dan

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #32 on: December 12, 2004, 10:08:34 PM »
Quote

X-ray wrote:
A few other things: when I mentioned the legal, moral and parental responsibility a father or mother may have for their child, you said "...In other words you have all this power over the child and still need to hit it?..."

Well, this goes hand in hand with your next comment that "..no child is too young to be reasoned with.."

Well, I don't know what fantasy land you live in, Dan, but young children are OFTEN impossible to reason with. This is because they have a limited perception and understanding of their surroundings and have an agenda that centers almost entirely on themselves.

Sounds like most living animals to me, especially most humans!
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Ever seen a kid throwing a tantrum in a supermarket because his mom won't buy him a toy?

I don´t remmeber when I was that young but when my little sister did it my dad just said:-Let her scream she gets tried soon. And guess what? She did.

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Ever seen a kid that insisted on wanting to play with something around the house that he should not be playing with?

So simply stop the child from playing with it. Hell there is a whole childsafety industry if it isn´t something that can be taken from his hands and put away.

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You may have been the only angelic kid on the planet, Dan, but speaking for myself and the rest of the world, I got up to alot of naughtiness as a kid and I would be damned if I was going to always listen to my parents the first time they said something, especially if (according to my child-like logic) they were being unreasonable and I could see no reason why I could not continue behaving the way I was. I got quite a few smacks as a kid and I don't hate my parents.

And you never did as a child?
I remmember times when I got punished as a child and hated my parents because I tought they was unfair at the time. As i grew up I unedrstood why they did that but not at that time. As you say children have their own logic.
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Offline Dan

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #33 on: December 12, 2004, 10:23:09 PM »
Quote

X-ray wrote:
@ Dan

You said: "...There was a time when there was no child or wifeabuse and people had the right to hit their kids and wife, heck it was even legal to hit farmhands and maids. There was no such thing as rape inside a marriage either it was just "fullfilling wifely duties".
It was called the 1800s, it´s over. Get over it!..."

----------------------------------------------------------

If you equate child abuse and wife abuse with discipline then perhaps it is just as well you don't believe in smacking. My standpoint isn't about supporting abuse. It is about recognising that a timeous smack can prevent a whole heap of trouble later on.

Or maybe recognizing that it can bring a whole new level of trouble.
And where do you draw the line?
My point was that the Dutch Minister of Justice was rigth:
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In the Netherlands, the Dutch Minister of Justice wanted to make it unlawful to hit a child. His argument: people should learn that it is not right to hit a child.

So I pointed out a period when it was socially acceptable to hit children. There was no difference between an educational smack and child abuse. That isn´t so long ago just ask my dad who is born 1923. In that time administering corporal punishment was a part of how you was supposed to raise your child. I was born 79 so I was a very late child, my dad became a pensioner when I was still in elementary school, people always tought he was my granddad. Now the law against corporal punishment became a line he would never cross,which  was a good for both him and me. He just needed a excuse to not hit us, you know it was expect of him because that was the proper way to raise children for somebody of his upbringing. Apart from the usual punishments(no TV, being grounded, no pocketmoney, sent to bed/my room) he used another one, simply throwing me out of the house until dark/diner time I think that was a good one because it meant we both had time to calm down and think over the situation and I had time as kid to think over what I had done wrong. I realise this wouldn´t work in the city but thats just the cities faults.

Did you know that when my dad went to school in the 30s one teacher who used what we would call modern teaching methods got sent to a mental institution? That he didn´t use corporal punishment was just one factor, but the last straw was probably that he didn´t give a {bleep} if the kids learnt the daily psalm. Then they got a real sadist who pulled their ears til they bleed and the ruler over the fingers and the whole thing. My dad still hate that asshole 70 years later. But those where the good old days when there was  discipline in the schools, eh?

Now where to draw the line between a "justified" smack and childabuse?
The only way is zero tolerance just like with drinking and driving(was also socially accepted once). Otherwise what can teachers and other people around the child do? There are many things that doesn´t leave any mark.

The Dutch Minister of Justice  was absolutetly right and that supposedly educated people can´t see that is quite frankly scary!
I am suprised that Netherlands didn´t already have a that law. :-o

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Ideally, nobody wants to smack anybody. We don't look for excuses to do it, we do it out of necessity.

The "necessity" is an excuse.

Now take a cow, cows are hardly the most intelligent of animals but if you use violence to get the cow where you want it then the cow are going to get payback someday. With an animal that has been threated that way you always have to be on guard because anything can make them snap and that can be lethal. If you are nice but firm towards the cow on the other hand you are going to get a calm eventempered  cow.
It´s exactly the same with humans.
The only thing that prevents a 3 year old from hitting back is the sheer physical size difference. Quite a few of those hair-, earpulling and pinching mothers kids get very good at kicking adults on the lower shins at a young age. Is one of a kids first lessons in life gonna be that Might is right? :pissed:

We once had a thread about "What is evil", I answered hitting children and animals. It really is as simple as that.
Wasn´t the first moral rule that you learnt: "Never hit anyone that is smaller than you and never beat an animal." It was the first I learnt and it´s the most important one.
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Offline X-ray

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #34 on: December 12, 2004, 10:26:13 PM »
"...I remmember times when I got punished as a child and hated my parents because I tought they was unfair at the time. As i grew up I unedrstood why they did that but not at that time..."

---------------------------------------------------------
Exactly. You have proved my point. I may not have liked being smacked as kid, but I understand now why it happened and I don't hate my parents.


"...So simply stop the child from playing with it. Hell there is a whole childsafety industry if it isn´t something that can be taken from his hands and put away..."

How do you stop him playing with it? Do you lock everything in a top cupboard (all your kitchen items, your car keys, your tools, everything that isn't nailed down), or do you simply give the child a smack if he hasn't listened the first time? If my parents had locked all the things away that they didn't want me to play with, they would have needed a second house. I was a curious little guy and I wanted to see what everything was. That includes picnics and country outings. My parents chose to rely on discpline to enforce what I was allowed to do and not allowed, which is just as well because otherwise they would have needed to put me on a leash or had the stream at the picnic site fenced off prior to our arrival.

Another thing: you seem to vigorously reject any notion that a parent has a special responsibility for their child, over and above what anybody else has. This happened simply because I mentioned 'his child'. You said it sounded like ownership. Well, if a parent has no special responsibility for their child, and if you claim the child is the responsibility of the whole society, what happens if you find yourself in a society whose ideals are not the same as yours? Must you then resign yourself to 'going with the flow', or do you still try to bring the child up according to the ideals of you and your family?



 

Offline poweramiga2002

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #35 on: December 12, 2004, 10:50:22 PM »
I have a 7yr 8yr  and a 6 month baby

my 7 and 8 yr olds have both given me the rules on hitting as they were told by there teachers at school

they use it against me all the time they even threaten to say ive hit them
if i dont do what they want me to do cause they have been told the police will take me away
so what in the hell do i do to punish them ? i send them to there rooms they refuse i cant smack them
if i lock them in there room its against the law im off to jail
the juvenile crime rate is so high here and its because as parents we have no rights any more

we might as well just hand them all loaded guns as their born and  just let them go for it

when i was growing up if i did anything wrong i got the belt and i always thought twice about misbehaving
 

Offline Dan

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #36 on: December 12, 2004, 11:16:54 PM »
Quote

X-ray wrote:
"...I remmember times when I got punished as a child and hated my parents because I tought they was unfair at the time. As i grew up I unedrstood why they did that but not at that time..."

---------------------------------------------------------
Exactly. You have proved my point. I may not have liked being smacked as kid, but I understand now why it happened and I don't hate my parents.

Now if you rely on smacking how the hell do you discipline bigger kids. Try smacking a 12 year old or 15 year old into following your rules :lol:
I see kitchen knifes being used not just threatening with...

Quote
"...So simply stop the child from playing with it. Hell there is a whole childsafety industry if it isn´t something that can be taken from his hands and put away..."

How do you stop him playing with it? Do you lock everything in a top cupboard (all your kitchen items, your car keys, your tools, everything that isn't nailed down), or do you simply give the child a smack if he hasn't listened the first time?

Basically yes you lock away everything. Given swedish law smacking isn´t an option. There is also the third alternative: When you pull the cats tail you are going to get clawed, if you play with a saw then you are going to cut yourself. when I grew up kids usually had a bandaid somewhere.Life and nature is hard the sooner a kid finds out the better.
WOW if you parents tell you to not pull the cats tail and you do it anyway, then you find out that there is a reason to obey rules other than avoiding your parents punishment.
Being raised on a farm, if I hadn´t known my dad was serious when he said Watch your feet! Stay away! and Don´t go there! I would propably be dead or atleast maimed.
If I didn´t walk between a tethered cow and a wall just to avoid my dads punishment, meaning I would do it when he wasn´t around it would be a closed coffin funeral. it´s the same with traffic.

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If my parents had locked all the things away that they didn't want me to play with, they would have needed a second house.

Hardly, what it takes most is time controlling that everything is in place.
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I was a curious little guy and I wanted to see what everything was. That includes picnics and country outings. My parents chose to rely on discpline to enforce what I was allowed to do and not allowed, which is just as well because otherwise they would have needed to put me on a leash or had the stream at the picnic site fenced off prior to our arrival.

Then dont have picknicks at that site, its you who claim that children is sole the parents responsibility guess what that means for any picknick by the dangerous water

Quote
Another thing: you seem to vigorously reject any notion that a parent has a special responsibility for their child, over and above what anybody else has. This happened simply because I mentioned 'his child'. You said it sounded like ownership. Well, if a parent has no special responsibility for their child, and if you claim the child is the responsibility of the whole society, what happens if you find yourself in a society whose ideals are not the same as yours? Must you then resign yourself to 'going with the flow', or do you still try to bring the child up according to the ideals of you and your family?

Since I am an anarchist guess...(BTW children is as much  members of the society as adults)
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Offline Dan

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #37 on: December 12, 2004, 11:44:25 PM »
Quote

poweramiga2002 wrote:
I have a 7yr 8yr  and a 6 month baby

my 7 and 8 yr olds have both given me the rules on hitting as they were told by there teachers at school

they use it against me all the time they even threaten to say ive hit them
if i dont do what they want me to do cause they have been told the police will take me away
so what in the hell do i do to punish them ? i send them to there rooms they refuse i cant smack them
if i lock them in there room its against the law im off to jail

Is it really illegal to lock them up during the evening, I know the toilet is one problem otherwise as long as you stay in the house I don´t see the problem.(theres an idea design new houses with the kids rooms as jail cell with their own toilets:lol:)  as I said my dad used to throw me out of the house until dark but that only works in the countryside.
When I got older and questioned my dads right to contol my tv watching , my dad simply locked away the antenna cord, then when I bought spare cords he took the antennaamplifier.:-)
Don´t just cave in that way the children will just push the limits futher
pocketmoney is both carrot and stick, any parent(and kid) knows that:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
 
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the juvenile crime rate is so high here and its because as parents we have no rights any more

we might as well just hand them all loaded guns as their born and  just let them go for it

It´s not that parents doesn´t have any rights anymore it´s simply that the children got rigths to. Most kids can be brougth around its just a question of time.

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when i was growing up if i did anything wrong i got the belt and i always thought twice about misbehaving

No you simply thought twice about misbehaving when anybody could see you!
It also put you in this situation with your kids.
The thing is that the kids need to know that the parents rules really are for the kids best. Establishing that isn´t easy but it works so much better.
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Offline X-ray

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #38 on: December 12, 2004, 11:54:03 PM »
"...Try smacking a 12 year old or 15 year old into following your rules..."

I got smacked at the age of 12 at home, and at the age of 15 I was caned at school. I pretty had pretty much learned to follow the rules by then and physical punishment dwindled as I became more mature.


"...Then dont have picknicks at that site, its you who claim that children is sole the parents responsibility guess what that means for any picknick by the dangerous water..."

Hmmm, that hardly seems to be fitting advice from an 'anarchist'.
Just as well my parents weren't like you. I would have had a very restricted childhood: maybe a padded cell as a room?
 

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #39 on: December 12, 2004, 11:54:47 PM »
@poweramiga

If you childrens teacher has told them that you will go to prison if you smack them then go to the education authority and make a complaint.

I am currently half way through the PGCE (Masters Degree for teachers), and it really is not ok for this person to do or say anything like that.  It is more than likely the teacher is seen by the prinicpal as a bad teacher if the teacher has been saying things like that (They aren't stupid), so this would make it much easier for him/her to sack the teacher.

I'll check up on the legality of what this teacher has said too.  If it's against the law then you should go to the police.

-edit  

AFAIK smacking is still not illegal in the UK, your childs teacher has commited gross misconduct by knowingly telling lies to your children with the sole point of causing friction between you and your child.  This is a sackable offence.  If a teacher gets sacked for gross misconuct, then they will never work as a teacher again.
 

Offline X-ray

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #40 on: December 12, 2004, 11:58:08 PM »
"...he used another one, simply throwing me out of the house until dark/diner time I think that was a good one because it meant we both had time to calm down and think over the situation and I had time as kid to think over what I had done wrong. I realise this wouldn´t work in the city but thats just the cities faults..."

and

"where do you draw the line between smacking and child abuse"

I think the above statements clearly show that you have a, shall we say, 'unique' perspective on this.
 

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #41 on: December 13, 2004, 12:03:01 AM »
Quote

Karlos wrote:
I got a fair clip round the ear when I misbehaved as a youngster. It was never excessive, nor administered on a whim. Never did me any harm.


Same for me, it never did me any harm, but I will NEVER hit my child in anger.

Contemplate this:-

Women smack children more often than men do, but they aren't as powerful as us and the motherly instict is always there. When it isn't that's when abuse happens.

If a man gets so angry and worked up to the point of frustration that he would hit a child (abuse not included), then that child will probably be severely injured.

I know if I whacked my 6yr old across the head, it'd probably kill him.

Also for everyone reading this thread, please take time to look up the meaning of the word discipline in the dictionary.  Jesus had 12 of them I believe. :-)
 

Offline X-ray

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #42 on: December 13, 2004, 12:18:12 AM »
@ mdma

"...I know if I whacked my 6yr old across the head, it'd probably kill him..."

-------------------------------------------------------

Well then I suggest you see a physician, because you have a motor control problem. If you can't give someone a controlled smack on the butt without injuring them, then you have control issues.

"Also for everyone reading this thread, please take time to look up the meaning of the word discipline in the dictionary. Jesus had 12 of them I believe."

I think it is you who needs to read the dictionary, mdma:

discipline:

1) training or conditions imposed for the improvement of physical powers, self-control etc.
2) systematic training in obedience
3) the stae of improved behaviour, etc
4) punishment or chastisement
5) a sytem of rules for behaviour
6) a branch of learning or instruction
7) the laws governing members of a church
8) to improve or attempt to improve the behaviour, orderliness, ertc., of by training, conditioning or rules
9) to punish or correct

From the Collins dictionary and Thesaurus


(I think the word you are thinking of is disciple)
 

Offline adz

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #43 on: December 13, 2004, 01:24:17 AM »
Quote

X-ray wrote:
@ ADZ

Here in the UK youngsters are often out quite late at night. I agree with you in that a 10pm curfew should be more than fair for an 11-year-old, but you can see why she got smacked for coming home after midnight.


Even that is too late, my 11 year old daughter is in bed by 8:30-9:00pm every night.
 

Offline the_leanderTopic starter

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #44 from previous page: December 13, 2004, 02:27:25 AM »
I know where MDMA is comming from, and the key to that is the part where he said "When he was angry" and this part is of absolute importance, by all means chastise your child, physically if necesary. But do not resort to smacking *whilst angry*.

As for PowerAmiga, You kids teacher is talking bollox, and your kids need a good clip. I watched very very closely what was actually decided on this issue, which btw I don't think comes into force next year, but basically its just a rehash of the previous law, a quick slap is ok, beating them liberally around the head with a rubber mallet isn't. Though I suspect that the latter is in your current crisis a damned tempting option, well, for the teacher at any road.
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