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Author Topic: Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]  (Read 190632 times)

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Offline Vincent

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Re: Groaner's Corner: The Return!
« Reply #74 from previous page: April 11, 2003, 05:06:35 PM »
Jokes at Pentium's expense:

Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586?
A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605.

Q: According to Intel, the Pentium conforms to the IEEE standards 754 and 854 for floating point arithmetic. If you fly in aircraft designed using a Pentium, what is the correct pronunciation of "IEEE"?
A: Aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!

:-D

That's enough from me just now.....



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You'll have to lower your standards much more for Son Of Groaner(TM)


Keep that name reserved for Karlos! :-P
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"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
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Offline Vincent

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Re: Groaner's Corner: The Return!
« Reply #75 on: April 12, 2003, 04:49:04 PM »
This is a bit of an oldie:

Bill Gates died and found himself in purgatory being sized up by St. Peter. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case: I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."

Bill replied, "What's the difference between the two?"

St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."

"Fine, but where should I go first?"

"I'll leave that up to you."

"Okay then," said Bill. "Let's try Hell first."

So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful and clean. Bill saw a sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.

"This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is Hell, I really want to see Heaven!"

"Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went.

Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was very nice, but not as enticing as Hell.

Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. "Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter.

"Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill shackled to a wall in a dark cave, screaming amongst hot flames, being burned and tortured by demons.

"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.

With his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, Bill responded, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches and the scantily clad women playing in the water?"

"That was a demo," replied St. Peter.


Now, *that's* a groaner :-P

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Atheist wrote:
m$ joke. priceless


That was my thought aswell :-D
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"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Vincent

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Re: Groaner's Corner: The Return!
« Reply #76 on: April 14, 2003, 01:22:37 AM »
:lol:
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"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Vincent

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Re: Groaner's Corner: The Return!
« Reply #77 on: April 14, 2003, 10:31:59 PM »
Good to see you're still here Karlos :-D

That first one was a real groaner :-P

But, the rest, well:

:lol: :roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:
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"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Vincent

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Re: Groaner's Corner: The Return!
« Reply #78 on: April 15, 2003, 12:33:53 AM »
:lol:

Nice one mate :-D
Xbox360
"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Vincent

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Re: Groaner's Corner: The Return!
« Reply #79 on: April 15, 2003, 12:55:22 AM »
:lol:

They're all pretty good :-D
Xbox360
"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Vincent

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Re: Groaner's Corner: The Return!
« Reply #80 on: April 15, 2003, 02:32:57 AM »
:lol:
Xbox360
"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Vincent

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Re: Groaner's Corner: The Return!
« Reply #81 on: April 15, 2003, 12:45:27 PM »
Quote

Wilse wrote:
Sod being a lawyer round these parts!

 :-D


Sod being a lawyer :-D
Xbox360
"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Vincent

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Re: Groaner's Corner: The Return!
« Reply #82 on: April 15, 2003, 10:55:16 PM »
:lol:
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"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Vincent

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Re: Groaner's Corner: The Return!
« Reply #83 on: April 16, 2003, 03:38:23 PM »
:lol:

Excellent! :-D
Xbox360
"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Vincent

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Re: Groaner's Corner: The Return!
« Reply #84 on: April 17, 2003, 03:12:58 AM »
That was pretty funny aswell! :lol:

And oh-so true ;-) :-D
Xbox360
"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Vincent

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Re: Groaner's Corner: The Return!
« Reply #85 on: April 18, 2003, 04:42:07 PM »
You know you need a good groaner when this thread is on page 2! :-D

Jock's nephew came to him with a problem. "I have my choice of two women," he said, "a beautiful, penniless young girl whom I love dearly, and a rich old widow whom I can't stand."

"Follow your heart; marry the girl you love," Jock counseled.

"Very well, Uncle Jock," said the nephew, "that's sound advice."

"By the way," asked Jock "where does the widow live?"



:-D
Xbox360
"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Vincent

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Re: Groaner's Corner: The Return!
« Reply #86 on: April 20, 2003, 03:01:42 AM »


:-P
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"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Vincent

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Re: Groaner's Corner: The Return!
« Reply #87 on: April 20, 2003, 07:58:34 PM »
:roflmao:
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"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Vincent

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Re: Groaner's Corner: The Return!
« Reply #88 on: April 22, 2003, 11:56:43 PM »
:lol:

Nice jokes Quixote :-D

Looks like we have a new groaner member here ;-)

That brings us up to 5 now, just don't mention the Jackson 5!!!! :-D
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"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Vincent

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Re: Groaner's Corner: The Return!
« Reply #89 on: April 23, 2003, 02:11:14 PM »
Quote

Quixote speaking honestly:
;-) Time for another fun one.  I'm using up all of my best material here, so I hope it's appreciated.


I can't say the same :-P

That bar joke had me :roflmao:

@Whabang

:lol: I'll have to remember that when I get a car :-D
Xbox360
"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel