The following 50 points are probably the reasons why Gazza never fulfilled
>his full potential...even if you don't follow football this is worth a
>read!!
>
>1) One hour after playing for England, met 'showbiz pals' Danny Baker
>and Chris Evans in a Hampstead pub while still wearing his full kit...
>boots included.
>
>2) When asked for his nationality before an operation, told the nurse:
>"Church Of England."
>
>3) On a trip to London, jumped out of his car to demand"a go" on a
>workman's pneumatic drill. After getting the go-ahead, happily pounded
>the pavement to the amusement of shoppers.
>
>4) On first meeting with Lazio's president to discuss his big-money
>move to the Italian club, was quick to tell the esteemed gentleman that
>he reminded him of Russ Abbot.
>
>5) Organisers of Italia 90 TV coverage had the splendid idea of
augmenting
>team line-ups with footage of each player mouthing his own name.
>Gascoigne's
>genius led him to subvert the process by, instead, mouthing 'f***ing
>w***ker.' Broadcasters across the world had to use it all the way
through
>the tournament.
>
>6) Booked a series of sun-bed sessions for then-Newcastle team-mate
>Tony Cunningham. Who, of course, is black.
>
>7) Asked by a Norwegian camera crew if he had a message for England's
>upcoming opponents, immediately responded with, "Yes. F**k off, Norway."
>Then ran off laughing.
>
>
Turned up for England training the morning after then-manager Bobby
>Robson had called him "daft as a brush" with a floor brush sticking out
of
>his sock.
>
>9) When asked for a footballing comment while at Lazio, burped
>enthusiastically into a TV microphone. He was fined £39,000.
>
>10) Decided it would be a great idea to have massive hair extensions.
>Looked
>a fool and had them taken out a day later.
>
>11) After paying for ex-wife Sheryl's breasts implants, sent flowers to
>the hospital after the operation addressed to 'Dolly Parton.'
>
>12) Astounded commuters in London by jumping on a double-decker in
>London's Piccadilly Circus and asking if he could have a drive. The bus
>driver said yes, and the passengers thoroughly enjoyed Gazza's
>impromptu performance.
>
>13) Sent a rose to the Wimbledon dressing room for Vinnie Jones after
>the infamous ball-squeezing incident. Got a toilet brush in return.
>
>14) Set up best mate Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner with a 'girl' he knew
to
>be a transvestite.
>
>15) Has taken the p*** out of refs constantly during his career. On one
>occasion he sniffed a hapless ref's armpit while he was holding his
>hand high to signal a free kick.
>
>16) Undeterred by their frosty reactions, Gazza again tried to prove
>that refs have a sense of humour by yellow-carding the referee after
>the official had dropped his card during a Rangers v Hibs game. He was
>booked for his troubles.
>
>17) While attempting to deflect the 'kebab controversy' which spelled
>the beginning of the end of his England career, assured reporters that
>his doner-munching antics following Middlesbrough's promotion to the
>Premiership would in no way affect his fitness before France 98.
>One
>reporter asked: "What do you feel like now?" Back came the inevitable
>response:"I feel like a kebab with onions."
>
>18) As an apprentice desperate to impress then-Newcastle boss Jack
>Charlton, spent a week's money on fishing gear and begged the famous
>angler to give him a lesson. On arrival at the riverbank, Charlton
>promptly threw all
but
>the rod out into the briny, then poured a bottle of Newcastle Brown
>into the water, dipped in the rod and within seconds was pulling out a
>whopper.
>Lesson over.
>
>19) As 'perk' of boot-cleaning duties during his apprenticeship, took
>Kevin Keegan's Golas home to show his mates. But left them on the
>Newcastle Underground.
>
>20) When playing for England against Belgium in Italia 90, ridiculed
>Enzo Scifo as he lay on the ground clutching his leg. Gazza thought he
>was play-acting, so did a mime of his own which involved hopping on one
>leg with his tongue lolling out.
>
>21) His attempt to jet off to Libya with Middlesbrough for a
>post-season tour was hampered by the fact he'd left his passport at
>home. An
emotional
>Gazza wept at the check-in desk until a minion was despatched to bring
>it to the airport.
>
>22) Celebrated his new-found hero status after flying home from Italia
>90 by wearing a huge pair of fake plastic boobs and stomach bearing the
>legend 'Gazza.'
>
>23) On meeting the president of Denmark's FA, pretended he could speak
>Danish. When invited to demonstrate, imitated The Muppet Show's Swedish
>Chef.
>
>24) Conned Five Bellies into eating a mince pie after he'd scraped out
the
>filling and replaced it with cat excrement.
>
>25) Walked into the Middlesbrough canteen wearing nothing but his
training
>socks and ordered lunch.
>
>26) Paid £320 for a Mars Bar in a newsagents in his home town of
>Dunston, then told the shop owner to spend the change on sweets for
>local
kids.
>
>27) Whilst dining in the prestigious Bedford Arms Hotel in Woburn with
>a few of his Geordie mates, decided to place his erect member on the
>shoulder
of
>a
>diner at the next table. Thinking someone had tapped him on the
>shoulder the gentleman turned his head only to have Gazza's helmet prod
>him in the cheek.
>
>28) Took a documentary team to a beautiful Scottish cottage which he
>informed them was his new place, pretended he'd forgotten his key and
>knocked instead. When the door opened, told the befuddled housewife
inside
>that he was doing a telly advert and wanted to know if she preferred
>Daz or Omo.
>
>29) Crashed Middlesbrough's team bus at the club's training ground and
>caused £310,000 worth of damage.
>
>30) While at Rangers, urinated over sleeping team-mate Richard Gough.
>
>31) Handed £1000 over to Jimmy Five Bellies after betting that the
>burly boozer couldn't withstand a cigarette lighter's heat on the
>bridge of his nose for five seconds........Jimmy could. Twice.
>
>32) After briefly giving up drinking, was advised to find a new interest.
>Picked bingo.
>
>33) Bought a £1000 robot and programmed it to travel into Jimmy Five
>Bellies' room at Gazza Towers and announce: "Make a cup of tea, fat man."
>
>34) Was banned from Liverpool's Cream nightclub in advance within days
>of joining Everton last summer, because the Evertonians who run the
>place wanted him to avoid temptation and stay fit.
>
>35) Prepared for England matches during that hugely important
>tournament by playing marathon games of tennis in the scorching midday
>sun.
>
>36) Thought it would be appropriate to wear a blue fright wig before
>the
>1991 FA Cup Final.
>
>37) In his time, has agreed to dress as a Roman centurion, a clown,
Oliver
>Hardy and Braveheart for photo opportunities.
>
>38) While his Italia 90 team-mate was the hero of Hillsborough, marched
>into a Sheffield barber shop and demanded "a Waddle cut."
>
>39) When Gazza signed for Spurs in 1988, he came down to finalise the
deal
>with a bunch of his Geordie mates. They took over the posh hotel in
Hadley
>Wood where Spurs were footing the bill and wreaked havoc. Gazza met
>then-chairman Irving Scholar and began talks by saying, "We'd like to
>thank you for the best three days of our lives"
>
>40) Was asked to leave West Lodge Park Hotel in London after guests
>were treated to the sight of a naked Five Bellies swimming across the
>duck pond.
>
>41) On his first night in Rome after signing for Lazio, gave his minder
>the slip, put his shoes by an open window and hid in a cupboard. The
>minder thought he'd committed suicide.
>
>42) Recorded a video message for a corporate party and signed off with
>a cheery "Happy Christmas, you f***ing w***ers."
>
>43) Greeted reporters in Rome by standing up, asking for silence, then
>farting at ear-splitting volume.
>
>44) Told an interviewer that he was so superstitious about the number
>13 that he couldn't ever bear to see the numbers 4 and 9 together.
>Oddly,
the
>combination of 5 and 8 was deemed OK.
>
>45) Shredded England team-mate Dennis Wise's Armani suit "for a laugh."
>
>46) While staying at a Scottish hotel, drove across its golf course in
his
>four-wheel drive Jeep.
>
>47) While reputation preceded him in Italy, the English language did not.
>Hence, his Lazio debut was marked by a banner which read: 'Gazza's
Boys,We
>Are Here. Shake Your Women And Drink Your Beer.'
>
>48) Conversely, rival Italian supporters once hailed him with a banner
>which stated bluntly: 'Paul Gazza, You Are Fat Poofta.'
>
>49) After being sent off while playing for Lazio, shook hands with
>virtually every member of the Genoa side.
>
>50) While staying in a New Zealand hotel, was told there was no bacon
>for breakfast. Replied, "What, all the sheep in this country and
>there's no bloody bacon!"
