Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]

[Andy]

What have the government and MFI got in common?

One screw in one the wrong place and the whole cabinet's Fecked.

[Andy]

Warning this one is a bit rude got it from my mate Harry.

Q. How can you tell a mechanic has just had sex.
A. He has one clean finger.

Doh it wasn't my joke it was Harry's

[Andy]

Q. What do a Walrus and tupperware have in common.

A. They both like a tight Seal.

[Andy]

A new teacher was giving an assignment to her class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"Well teacher, I just saw both of your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks."

Embarrassed, she drops the eraser when she turns around, so she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an all out belly laugh from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.

"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over."

[Andy]

Little Johnny's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.

Little Johnny enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."

"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

[Andy]

David Beckham is on tour in America and goes into a chemist and asks the pharmasist, " Can I have a packet of condoms please." the chemist replies, " Yep that will be $5 including tax."
"Tacks I thought you had to roll them on." replies David

[Andy]

  :lol:  He probably of thought it would affect his dole money.  :-D

[Andy]

David and Posh are in a taxi on the way to a swanky London club, but David can't remember where it is.  "You know the place," he says to the taxi driver. "It's just next to ... oh, what's the name of that train station?"
  "Euston?" says the taxi driver.
  "Nah," replies David, scratching his head.
  "Kings Cross?"
  "Nope," says David. "Keep going."
  "Victoria?"
  "That's it," says David clicking his fingers.  "Victoria, can you remember where the club is?"

[Andy]

Why did David Beckham burp in the middle of a football game?
 He thought the ref told him to take a freak hic.

Why did David Beakham wear a fish's outfit onto the pitch?
 He thought he was the team's kipper.

(groan,groan,groan)

[Andy]

 :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

[Andy]

Getin groaners is back. Nice one Karlos.

A women goes into M&S for a maternity bra. The assistant asks, "What bust?"
The lady replied, "The condom."

[Andy]

A lady with very small boobs goes into M&S and asks for a bra size 32AAAA. The assistant tells her that they don't do anything that small. She then goes into La Senza and asks the same question. They don't do anything that size either. After several stores with the same answer she storms into Debenham's marches up to the lingerie section, pull up her top and yells, "Do you have anything for these?" The assistant asks, "Have you tried clearasil?"

[Andy]

Archie and Jock are discussing Jocks wedding.
"Ach its all going well i've got everything organised, i've even bought a kilt to be married in."
Archie says, "Thats good, whats the tarten?"
Jock says, " I imagine she will be in white."

[Andy]

Renault and Ford are building a car between them designed to beat the credit crunch.  Based on the Clio and the Taurus the all new "Clitaurus" will be available in pink and will comes with an optional fluffy dash.