No MA'AM ?

[seer]

Ya know.. Women, I'm starting to believe I'm better of being single.. I've been single for 13 years now..

A few years ago I "met" a girl.. Well, on the phone that is.. We spoke regulary, not knowing how she looked, sending sms messages (highest phone bill ever those days).. I even asked her to mary me as a joke.. She said yes.. Offcourse  we were only joking then.. I even bought her from her employer for about 200 camels.. ;-)

Eventually we met.. Nice looking girl, not bad at all.. Only she smoked more then I expected.. During our date she was constantly called by other people, ex boy friends.. Not that she answered the calls, tho she did look who was calling.. Yep, she was popular allright.. Looks a little like Jessica Alba crossed with Lexa Doig..

Nothing happend after that, she told me we weren't ment to be, and in a way I agreed.. we just stayed friends.. I still talk to her from time to time.. Nothing wrong here..

So after a few months a girl I've known for several years but lost track of reappeared in my live.. A young mother, a lovely girl to talk with and even my type.. We started to chat on MSN (yeah yeah I know..).. After a while I told her I wanted more then just friendship.. She said "I have a son".. I said so what ? I have no problems with that, I know it does make a relation harder but not impossible..

So we started to begin with more personal stuff.. Tried to synchonize our schedule.. But everytime something happened and she had to cancel.. In the months to come, contact started to get less and less.. She was busy, had problems with her dad, her work and the father of her child.. I could understand that, but I still wanted to go out with her.. She never gave me a date, but said "as soon as I've got the time.." This lasted about 6 months.. Then suddenly, but not unexpected she finaly said "I'm not interested in you".. She was trying to be subtle...

I still talk to her, tho I wished she had been honest from the start, it would have helped to stay better friends..

So.. About a week after she told me to "get lost" I "met" another girl.. Not my type at all..

Still, nothing wrong with having a new friend.. So we started to chat with each other, calling each other.. Mailed pictures so we knew how we looked (Never saw her in real live, not even now).. She told me some very personal stuff, I told her about my live..

We had some very similar experiences.. I started to like her more and more.. I told her about the previous girl..  She said she'd never do that to anybody.. She even calls her ex boyfriend if he messages her with some stupid remark.. Or so she said..

She also said she is i the middle of moving again.. We started to get a bit more serious about a relation.. So about 2 weeks ago we had a very long chat.. About 3 hours.. I've never known a girl who could describe certain things so colorfull on a chat.. The next day she called me.. No reason at all, just chit chat kind of talk.. But she was on her way to a bar or something like that and she kept being interupted.. So she hung up and called back a few minutes later.. After 2 or 3 times I said "enjoy the bar, call me tomorow" because I didn't enjoy talking to her if she was distracted all the time. She said "that's okay" and that she would call me..

She didn't..

So the next day I had a dinner with my workmates.. I messaged her to ask if she would be available tonight and if so till how late.. No response.. So after dinner I called her.. No response.. No problem.. So 2 days later I messaged her again.. No response.. The next day I tried to call her again after working hours.. No response.. Last monday she came online.. I waited a few minutes and said Hi to her.. No response. Later I asked if there was something wrong.. No response.. After about an hour she went offline..

I messaged her again, asking her if I did something or if it was something else..

Still haven't heard anything.. Today I had some flowers ("some" about 50 euro of them) being delivered at the place she works... With a card saying "good luck with your new home".. Maybe she's not working today, and the others haven't called her to say something arrived for her today...

I don't mind being dumded.. I do mind being lied to (She said she would let me know if there was something wrong).. I do mind not getting a response if I ask somebody to let me know how she's doing.. Or if somethings wrong..

I wait till tuesday.. After that I'll try to call her again..

I must know what's wrong..

If she found another, I could have lived with that if she had told me 2 weeks ago, I'd be happy for her.. Afterall, we just met really.. Now, if she indeed has found somebody else, I hope she gets dumded soon..

If it is because she to busy moving, the least she could do is message me back.. Takes less then a minute right ?

To be honest.. I want her to know, I really do care for her.. All I'm asking is not to be kept in the dark.. How difficult is that ?

[T_Bone]

Wow, this stuff is a whole hell of a lot more complicated than it was back in the day. If I had to go through what everyone goes through today, I'd be single!

I never actually dated my wife. I met her through a group of friends, we became friends, and eventually broke off from the group as we did things together we normally did with the group. That's the closest we even came to dating. Eventually after two years hanging out as friends she got fed up waiting for me to make a move and she asked me to marry her!  :lol:

I accepted, and it blew her mind when I pulled a ring from my jacket pocket.

 :-)

The games people have to play nowdays, I don't know. I wouldn't be able to do it. Heck, I was out of my league even in my time!

[KennyR]

T_Bone wrote:
Wow, this stuff is a whole hell of a lot more complicated than it was back in the day.

Yeah, the old club and drag technique fell out of favour a while ago. ;-)

[cecilia]

must know what's wrong..

why?
you need to cut people off IMMEDIATELY.
sure, it's annoying not knowing what the F is wrong with some people, but YOU are torturing yourself by constantly calling these people to find out what's their problem.

cut them off. move on. anyone who isn't willing to be honest isn't worthy of your time.
F them.

"See YA!" :whack:

really, you are getting too emotional about these people. stop it.

[T_Bone]

KennyR wrote:

T_Bone wrote:
Wow, this stuff is a whole hell of a lot more complicated than it was back in the day.

Yeah, the old club and drag technique fell out of favour a while ago. ;-)

 :lol:

[seer]

why?

Because, I need "closure".. If I did something wrong I can try to not do that again.. I'm still on good terms with the oher 2 ladies..

What if I'm wrong ? Something else is keeping her from contacting me ? Something she can't tell me..

Also, we do work for the same compangny, only I work at the headoffice and she works in a shop.. She may need my help someday, I'm not saying that I won't help her if it is workrelated, but it would make it easier for both of us..

cut them off. move on. anyone who isn't willing to be honest isn't worthy of your time.

I can agree with that, but now I'm not sure if she isn't honest.. If she is to busy with work, her ex boyfriend and moving.. It's easy to say that's it not to hard to answer if you don't know what's wrong..

F them.

That's the other problem.. She's the first woman in 3 years I'm interested in that way as well.. The other girls never gave me that kind of feeling..

Yes, I know..

There is more to tell biut it's a long story as it is allready.. I'm just trying to get less upset..

After 2 or 3 times I said "enjoy the bar, call me tomorow"

Reading your synopsis, she probably took that as "sod off, I don't want to talk to you".  Maybe she really wanted to call and invite you to the bar.  Women are very funny that way and you'll never know what she was thinking.

I have to agree however with the others who say that some times you just have to say "fsck it" and move on.  You'll forget about closure, or even your need for it as time passes, and she'll eventually call you when she gets bored again.  

She may be wonderful to talk to, but that doesn't mean that she's the right person.  I believe most people here over the age of 20 have at least one similar story.  I know I do.

Wayne

[Cyberus]

Jeez, the dating game...

I can't answer any of your questions really, but one thing that does work for me - Don't see women as potential lovers, girlfriends or whatever, see them as friends, be yourself around them. Don't be afraid to flirt a little, because otherwise they'll think there's no fire in your loins :lol:, and besides flirting's fun and good for self-esteem.

The last girl I was involved with, I thought was cute, but she had a boyfriend. But we were together a lot because we were doing a college course together. I don't think either of us saw each other 'in that way', we just had fun - we'd make each other laugh, I would kiss her on the cheek to say goodbye at the end of the evening (as I would for all the other girls, and hug all the blokes), and we found it difficult to curtail our embrace, and then one night out on the beers we ended up falling over in a heap on Oxford St in London while we were clowning around. Somehow, and it wasn't down to my sleight of hand, we ended up in each others' arms, looking into each others' eyes.

For me, the whole 'dating' idea wouldn't work for me, because I think I'm still a little shy in that regard. Building things up as a 'date' would make me worry too much - it would stop me being myself. I don't do idle compliments and tacky gestures [that isn't to say I can't be romantic!]

[seer]

After 2 or 3 times I said "enjoy the bar, call me tomorow"
Reading your synopsis, she probably took that as "sod off, I don't want to talk to you".

Offcourse I didn't say it like that, but as the story was so long allready I trimmed it down.. I said something like "Maybe it's better if we talk tomorow"

Maybe she really wanted to call and invite you to the bar. Women are very funny that way and you'll never know what she was thinking.

Didn't think about that.. But don't think that's the case.. We live at least a 1 hour drive away from each other, and it was 23:00 at the time.. Granted, 1 hour isn't much, but still..


You'll forget about closure, or even your need for it as time passes, and she'll eventually call you when she gets bored again.

Yes I know.. Like I said, she isn't my type, so I'm not even sure about why I need to know.

Anyway;

Artist: Foreigner
Song: Waiting For A Girl Like You Lyrics

So long, I've been looking too hard, I've been waiting too long
Sometimes I don't know what I will find, I only know it's a matter of time
When you love someone, when you love someone
It feels so right, so warm and true, I need to know if you feel it too

Maybe I'm wrong, won't you tell me if I'm coming on too strong
This heart of mine has been hurt before, this time I wanna be sure

I've been waiting for a girl like you to come into my life
I've been waiting for a girl like you, your loving will survive
I've been waiting for someone new to make me feel alive
Yeah, waiting for a girl like you to come into my life

You're so good, when we make love it's understood
It's more than a touch or a word can say
Only in dreams could it be this way
When you love someone, yeah, really love someone

Now I know it's right, from the moment I wake up till deep in the night
There's nowhere on earth that I'd rather be than holding you tenderly

I've been waiting for a girl like you to come into my life
I've been waiting for a girl like you, your loving will survive
I've been waiting for someone new to make me feel alive
Yeah, waiting for a girl like you to come into my life

I've been waiting, waiting for you, ooh, I've been waiting
I've been waiting
(I've been waiting for a girl like you, I've been waiting)
Won't you come into my life?

[seer]

Don't see women as potential lovers, girlfriends or whatever, see them as friends, be yourself around them.

The one this is about I wasn't interested in at first.. For the past 13 years, I've only be interested in 4 girls.. 3 of which I still talk..

The last girl I was involved with, I thought was cute, but she had a boyfriend.

Yep, had something similar with the second girl.. Except she had a boyfriend AND a good friend was allready in love with her.. To complicated for me at that time.. When she got back in my live, the boyfriend was gone, and my good friend was married..

For me, the whole 'dating' idea wouldn't work for me, because I think I'm still a little shy in that regard. Building things up as a 'date' would make me worry too much - it would stop me being myself.

I know, that's why the first took so long to go on a date with.. The second I tried to go out with sooner, but never happened.. The last one..

Besides, I'm nearing the big 3 0.. If a certain person is to believe, I won't get older then that.. She's been right to many times to ignore that..

[edit]

The biggest pain, so to speak, is that each and every girl sais; you're such a nice guy, why are you single.. I know many man hear this, but if that's true then why treat us like this ?

Just wait till a man doesn't return a call, what a big @$$ he is.. The many times I heard a girl tell me about that..
[/edit]

[Cyberus]

Argh!
Well at least you aren't listening to Pink Floyd's 'Animals' album and reciting lyrics. There's still hope for you yet ;-)

[T_Bone]

Cyberus wrote:
Jeez, the dating game...

For me, the whole 'dating' idea wouldn't work for me, because I think I'm still a little shy in that regard. Building things up as a 'date' would make me worry too much - it would stop me being myself. I don't do idle compliments and tacky gestures [that isn't to say I can't be romantic!]

Same here.

Dating just doesn't seem like a natural thing to me, it would feel like skipping steps or something. Falling in love with a friend seems like a natural progression, and in retrospect was more fun!

I don't know. I watch my younger brother date, he'll meet a woman, play these competitive games with them where each one tries to gain the "hand" in the relationship, and then nothing works out, it's almost like they're in negotiation or something, trying to close some kind of deal, or fill a job position. It all just seems so cold. He's about 32 now, says it's getting more complicated every year.

[seer]

Argh!
Well at least you aren't listening to Pink Floyd's 'Animals' album and reciting lyrics. There's still hope for you yet ;-)

Actually, I'm watching a DVD form Weird Al..

[KennyR]

T_Bone wrote:
Dating just doesn't seem like a natural thing to me, it would feel like skipping steps or something.

Seconded. It's a horribly artificial thing. When you go plucking people out of comfortable social situations, they're always going to say things they didn't mean or act out of character.

I watch my younger brother date, he'll meet a woman, play these competitive games with them where each one tries to gain the "hand" in the relationship, and then nothing works out, it's almost like they're in negotiation or something, trying to close some kind of deal, or fill a job position. It all just seems so cold.

I know exactly what you mean.

[Speelgoedmannetje]

@Thread (and some other threads)
obiously spring season :-P


well, I am not invulnerable to it either.