Why don't women speak english?

[smithy]

I'm going to have a bit of a whinge about womankind.

I went on a date on Tuesday, and it seemed to go ok.  Maybe a bit of a fat bum, but she was quite nice looking and we got on quite well.

Well, after it was all over she texted me and said she'd had a nice time and would I like to go out again as friends.  Right, read that sentence again!  Can it be anything but a fob off?  No problem I thought, that's fine.  However, after having a chat with her yesterday it seems that she actually meant she wanted to go on a 2nd date.  Why didn't she just say that instead of making me believe she wasn't interested?

So, tomorrow we're off to the cinema and then out for a few drinks.  God only knows what she will say afterwards, and maybe even God doesn't know what it'll mean.  I like people who talk straight, and I am feeling a bit stressed out at the prospect of having to deal with her after tomorrow's date.  Do you reckon I should just cancel or go through it with?  And if I do, then what do I do when I want to know what happens next and I'm faced with her woman-speak?

[mikeymike]

Maybe she wants you to be "more friendly"? :-)

You have to admit, women are better than nothing.

[T_Bone]

> Well, after it was all over she texted me and said she'd had a nice time and would I like to go out again as friends.

 :lol:

[KennyR]

Smithy wrote:
Well, after it was all over she texted me and said she'd had a nice time and would I like to go out again as friends. Right, read that sentence again! Can it be anything but a fob off?

Have you considered that she didn't mean it the way you took it? I know that 'lets just be friends' is the ultimate polite womanish brushoff, but she might not have known that, or been thinking about it at the time she made the text. And some women actually do consider potential lovers as friends, at least at first. Crazy but true.

Mikeymike wrote:
You have to admit, women are better than nothing.

No I don't. I think nothing is marginally more entertaining.

[cecilia]

smithy: I completely understand your wish for clarity, women are still brought up with alot of conflicting notions and that makes life stressful. and I'm not a mindreader (like, Who is?), but I'll offer a few ideas and see if it makes some sense.

maybe(?), she likes you but wants to take things slowly. and she's afraid of either her own feelings or yours. afraid that things may move too quickly.
anyway, if this is a first date, then, that's ALL it is and no one should be fantasizing it into anything bigger.

give yourself and her enough time to get to know each other so that there isn't anything like "woman-speak" between you. While it's always nice to know a guy has testoserone, sometimes - for some girls at certain times - it can be intimidating. give her a chance to figure out how to deal with it.

relax and just enjoy the date. the only thing we really have is the present. just focus on that.

[mikeymike]

Mikeymike wrote:
You have to admit, women are better than nothing.

KennyR wrote:
No I don't. I think nothing is marginally more entertaining.

I think you need to get out more :-)

smithy wrote:
I'm going to have a bit of a whinge about womankind.

I went on a date on Tuesday, and it seemed to go ok.  Maybe a bit of a fat bum, but she was quite nice looking and we got on quite well.

Well, after it was all over she texted me and said she'd had a nice time and would I like to go out again as friends.  Right, read that sentence again!  Can it be anything but a fob off?  No problem I thought, that's fine.  However, after having a chat with her yesterday it seems that she actually meant she wanted to go on a 2nd date.  Why didn't she just say that instead of making me believe she wasn't interested?

So, tomorrow we're off to the cinema and then out for a few drinks.  God only knows what she will say afterwards, and maybe even God doesn't know what it'll mean.  I like people who talk straight, and I am feeling a bit stressed out at the prospect of having to deal with her after tomorrow's date.  Do you reckon I should just cancel or go through it with?  And if I do, then what do I do when I want to know what happens next and I'm faced with her woman-speak?

Depends if you just want to shag her.  If you become friends then that is the bais of a potential relationship, if you just give her a seeing to then you won't be friends after the fact most likely.  My missus is my best friend, and she always will be.

[mikeymike]

I think knowing how old she is would be a useful bit of info for advice to be given.

KennyR wrote:

Smithy wrote:
Well, after it was all over she texted me and said she'd had a nice time and would I like to go out again as friends. Right, read that sentence again! Can it be anything but a fob off?

Have you considered that she didn't mean it the way you took it? I know that 'lets just be friends' is the ultimate polite womanish brushoff, but she might not have known that, or been thinking about it at the time she made the text. And some women actually do consider potential lovers as friends, at least at first. Crazy but true.

Mikeymike wrote:
You have to admit, women are better than nothing.

No I don't. I think nothing is marginally more entertaining.

Women are the most entertaining thing in this world!  Even when they are screaming at you and they hate your guts (Usually two days each month! /me ducks!), it makes you feel alive.

[T_Bone]

mdma wrote:

My missus is my best friend, and she always will be.

It doesn't get any better than that.  :-)

T_Bone wrote:

mdma wrote:

My missus is my best friend, and she always will be.

It doesn't get any better than that.  :-)

Maybe the unconditional love from your child, but it's very close! :-)

KennyR wrote:

Smithy wrote:
Well, after it was all over she texted me and said she'd had a nice time and would I like to go out again as friends. Right, read that sentence again! Can it be anything but a fob off?

Have you considered that she didn't mean it the way you took it? I know that 'lets just be friends' is the ultimate polite womanish brushoff, but she might not have known that, or been thinking about it at the time she made the text. And some women actually do consider potential lovers as friends, at least at first. Crazy but true.

Mikeymike wrote:
You have to admit, women are better than nothing.

No I don't. I think nothing is marginally more entertaining.

Women are the most entertaining thing in this world!  Even when they are screaming at you and they hate your guts (Usually two days each month! /me ducks!), it makes you feel alive.

[smithy]

@cecilia
Thanks for your advice.  I think the problem is that I feel very defensive and cautious because I am unsure what she wants from me.  In the past normally after my first dates, we've both known whether we fancy each other and get on well enough for a 2nd date.  And with her, I thought she was quite fanciable and we got on well enough for me to want a 2nd date.  Despite her making me believe she wasn't interested, she said yesterday that she likes me, doesn't know where she wants it go and won't say whether she finds me attractive, but wants a 2nd date to decide, and wants to take it slow, this is new to me, because normally I believe that if you don't click first time then it's not meant to be.  Personally, I think this has already been far too much hassle from a person I've only met once and I'm worried I'm paving the way for even more hassle.

@mdma
My position is that after 1 date I like what I see and I fancy her, and I'd like to get to know her better.  Her position is that she likes what she sees, doesn't know if she fancies me, and wants to get to know me better.

@KennyR
I think you are right in that she didn't mean it the way I took it.  But it's too late for that now, cos now I feel very cautious and uncertain and a bit stressed out about it all!

@mikeymike
 
She is 24, I'm 25.

[bloodline]

smithy wrote:
I'm going to have a bit of a whinge about womankind.

I went on a date on Tuesday, and it seemed to go ok.  Maybe a bit of a fat bum, but she was quite nice looking and we got on quite well.

Well, after it was all over she texted me and said she'd had a nice time and would I like to go out again as friends.  Right, read that sentence again!  Can it be anything but a fob off?  No problem I thought, that's fine.  However, after having a chat with her yesterday it seems that she actually meant she wanted to go on a 2nd date.  Why didn't she just say that instead of making me believe she wasn't interested?

So, tomorrow we're off to the cinema and then out for a few drinks.  God only knows what she will say afterwards, and maybe even God doesn't know what it'll mean.  I like people who talk straight, and I am feeling a bit stressed out at the prospect of having to deal with her after tomorrow's date.  Do you reckon I should just cancel or go through it with?  And if I do, then what do I do when I want to know what happens next and I'm faced with her woman-speak?

The statement seems specifically worded to allow you to back out if you wish.
In fact she was making life easier for you.
I have been in situations where I had "spent and evening with a lady" then he next day I wasn't sure where I stood, so the Text message I send the next has to be positive but slightly non-commital.

I can assure you that she was not trying to confuse you. But instead she is actually rather keen. You must remember that although she doesn't show it, she is desparate for a relationship.

I would urge you follow it through, and be very positive with her, it will make her feel more relaxed and more open to suggestion.

[that_punk_guy]

I think Matt's got it.

And try not to denounce the entire gender based on a misunderstanding. :-)