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AuthorTopic: We need a humor section! (A.K.A Groaner's corner in the Coffee shop)  (Read 1234 times)

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Offline whabang

Q: What's the bad news about being a test tube baby?
A: You know for sure that your dad is a {bleep}.
Beating the dead horse since 2002.
 

Offline whabang

Re: We need a humor section! (A.K.A Groaner's corner in the Coffee shop)
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2004, 02:46:30 PM »
A tourist from Hong Kong walks into a Sydney Exchange Bureau with HK$900 and asks for A$. The teller checks the day's rate, and hands over A$120. The grateful tourist says, "Thank Velly mutch! Velly kind!" and walks off to Kings Cross.

The next day, the Hong Kong guy goes back, with another HK$900 and hands it over. The teller checks the rate, and hands over A$135. The Hong Kong guy is very happy, and quickly pockets the cash and disappears, chortling to himself, "This Aussie velly bad math. Ha, ha, ha, ha."

The following day he returns, again clutching HK$900 in crumpled notes. He hands it over to the nonchalant teller, who checks the rate, and hands over A$96.

The Hong Kong guy does a double take, recounts the notes, and fixes the teller with an incredulous stare. "Hey, Terrer, yesterday I come wif money, you give many many dorrar, ormos' One-hun'red-firty-five! Day before, you gif one-hun'red-twenny, Today you give onry nin'ey-six. Why you do to me like this?"

The teller replies calmly, "Fluctuations Sir."

The apoplectic tourist screams back, "Fluck You Aussies Too!"

Beating the dead horse since 2002.
 

Offline whabang

Re: We need a humor section! (A.K.A Groaner's corner in the Coffee shop)
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2004, 02:51:50 PM »
A tightwad was looking for a gift for a friend of his. Everything he saw in the store was too expensive. Then he came across a glass vase that had been broken, which could be purchased for next to nothing.

The tightwad asked the store clerk to send the gift, hoping his friend would think that the vase had been broken during transit.

A couple of weeks later, the tightwad received an acknowledgment for the gift. "Thanks for the vase," read the card. "It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately."
Beating the dead horse since 2002.
 

Offline Vincent

Re: We need a humor section! (A.K.A Groaner's corner in the Coffee shop)
« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2004, 03:37:57 PM »
the 2nd was a groaner :-)

3rd one was a good :chuckle: :-D
Xbox360
"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline whabang

Re: We need a humor section! (A.K.A Groaner's corner in the Coffee shop)
« Reply #4 on: March 05, 2004, 04:18:35 PM »
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
Beating the dead horse since 2002.
 

Offline whabang

Re: We need a humor section! (A.K.A Groaner's corner in the Coffee shop)
« Reply #5 on: March 05, 2004, 04:19:58 PM »
After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the pearly gates.

There, he is greeted by George Washington. "How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose.

James Madison comes up next, and says "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He delivers a kick to Osama's knee.

Osama is subjected to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America.

As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up and hurls him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.

As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams, "This is not what I was promised!"

An angel replies "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?
Beating the dead horse since 2002.
 

Offline whabang

Re: We need a humor section! (A.K.A Groaner's corner in the Coffee shop)
« Reply #6 on: March 05, 2004, 04:21:20 PM »
Two vultures board an airplane; each is carrying two dead raccoons ...

... The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
Beating the dead horse since 2002.
 

  • Guest
Re: We need a humor section! (A.K.A Groaner's corner in the Coffee shop)
« Reply #7 on: March 06, 2004, 02:36:45 AM »
Quote
We need a humor section! (A.K.A Groaner's corner in the Coffee shop)


Thanks for the clean humor, but the answer (once again) is still no.  While you've proven successfully that humor can be clean, most people don't care about the rules and none of the admins have the time or patience to continually clean the forum posts.  Perhaps if I can find a way where posts in that particular forum must be approved first, then yes, otherwise, no.

Wayne
 

Offline aardvark

Re: We need a humor section! (A.K.A Groaner's corner in the Coffee shop)
« Reply #8 on: March 06, 2004, 06:48:06 AM »
There was this Chinese Canadian named Sven Jorgenson. And everywhere he went people would say "Sven, how come you're Chinese and have a name like Sven Jorgenson?"
He replied, "Well when I came to this great country, I got off the boat and went through Immigration. They asked the guy in front of me what his name was.  He said his name was Sven Jorgenson.  Then they asked me what my name was. I told them Sam Ting. And that's why I now am named Sven Jorgenson."
 

Offline aardvark

Re: We need a humor section! (A.K.A Groaner's corner in the Coffee shop)
« Reply #9 on: March 06, 2004, 06:53:52 AM »
Man from London, England telegraphs his brother in Vancouver, British Columbia.
Quote
MOTHER ARRIVING HALIFAX BY BOAT THURSDAY.  PLEASE MEET HER.

Brother telegraphs back:
Quote
MEET HER YOURSELF, YOU'RE CLOSER THAN I AM.