WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKEEEEEND!

[whabang]

Sorry for the rant, but I'm so pissed off my hands are trembling, and I need to let out some steam.

Six months ago, my wife found herself unemployed after being a house wife for the year that had passed since our daughter was born.
She needed a job quickly, so I used some of the influence I have at work, and got her hired for a customer service job. So far so good.

During the months that have passed since then, she has developed a friendship with one of my colleagues, and that was fine by me; I trusted her.

I shouldn't have.
Today I found out that they've been screwing behind my back for a few weeks. I have no {bleep}ing idea about how to handle this. I can accept that relationships end every now and then , but I can't understand how the hell she could stab me in the back like that.
The fun part will be on monday, I guess, when I'll have to face both of them at work. Time to find a new job, I guess.

If any of you have any advice on how to deal with this, then I'd be grateful. My brain isn't capable of dealing with those kind of things, and the only two options that appear in my head at the moment, killing the moron who shagged my wife, or getting drunk, seem to be rather stupid...

 :boohoo:

[Speelgoedmannetje]

whabang wrote:
If any of you have any advice on how to deal with this, then I'd be grateful.

Unfortunately, no advice, but willingness to comfort you.

Man, and you were so happy chap in the beginning, with yer kid and so... :cry:

[motorollin]

There is no excuse for what your wife did. Especially when there is a child involved. If you are strong enough to confront your wife then ask her why she did what she did. If you ever want to forgive her you have to talk to her about it first.

Good luck, and I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

--
moto

[whabang]

Thanks, guys!

There's no chance we'll get back together. I used to be jealous to the point where it's "cute", but now I'm afraid I'm going to freak out if we get together again and she even talks to another guy.
I confronted her when she got home today, and apparently, she don't know why she has acted the way she has.

At least we've agreed on keeping contact for our daughter's sake. I'd hate for her to grow up without a father, as I had to... :-(

[motorollin]

I don't know what to say. I have no idea how you must be feeling right now. I only hope you have the strength to realise that this is not your failing - it's hers. Especially if she doesn't even have a good reason. Have you though as far ahead as what you will do next?

--
moto

[therail]

man that is {bleep}! the only thing you can do now is rebuild your own life/get it back on track whilst being there for your daughter. its good thing that you will remain friends with your wife - for you daughters sake. i just cant be bleive your wife could be so irresponsible/stupid like that.

[CannonFodder]

Sorry to hear you've had to go through this crap too.

My ex-missus did the same to me with my so called best mate when my boy was about the same age as your kiddie so I know exactly how you feel right now.

As for what to do......

If you want to get drunk, get drunk.  If you want to smash a few things, smash a few things.

You'll probably be on auto pilot for the first few days.

[motorollin]

I hope I'm not speaking out of turn here, but why is it you that has to make an effort to keep in touch with your daughter so she doesn't grow up not having a father? It was your wife who was unfaithful after all. IMO your wife should be the one fighting to keep in touch with your daughter, not you!!!!!

[EDIT]
Just to clarify, I'm not saying your daughter should stay with your wife and you shouldn't feel compelled to stay in touch. I'm saying you shouldn't assume your daughter would stay with your wife and you would have to struggle to maintain contact.
[/EDIT]

--
moto

[therail]

@motorollin

cos "mothers" are always favoured in custody battles thats why.

[Karlos]

Jeez, Connie. My heart goes out to you, mate, that's fecking awful.

There are few emotional traumas worse than infidelity IMO. I'd say you have done the right thing so far, by the sounds of it you are handling it a lot better than most people would.

[CannonFodder]

why is it you that has to make an effort to keep in touch with your daughter so she doesn't grow up not having a father?

Because women are more equal than men.  You are so lucky that you'll probably never have to go through having your biological child taken from you.

It is the most painful thing any human can suffer.  Trust me on that, nothing is more painful.

[motorollin]

therail wrote:
"mothers" are always favoured in custody battles

Even if they were the ones who were irresponsible enough to break up the family by being unfaithful? That's disgusting.

--
moto

[whabang]

That's quite common, unfortunately. :-(

In Sweden, the parent's usually share custody after a divorce; and it's becoming more and more common that the parent's take turns (one week each) when taking care of the child.

I'm not afraid that she will get sole custody, but I do know for a fact, that if I don't make an effort to be a part of her life, then she'll slowly fade out of my life, just as my brothers, my sister, and my father did when my parents broke up.

The next few days I'll have to get myself a new apartment. I'm the one with the higher income, and as this apartment is cheaper than most apartments half it's size, it's no more than right that she can keep it (don't want Elin to be homeless every second week). Once that's done, I guess it's time for the painful part: Going through everything, deciding what goes to whom.

I guess the vacation we planned in two weeks isn't going to be the relaxed getaway that we had planned. :-(

Any way, thanks for the sympathy guys, I need it.

[motorollin]

whabang wrote:
In Sweden, the parent's usually share custody after a divorce; and it's becoming more and more common that the parent's take turns (one week each) when taking care of the child.

I'm not sure how healthy that weekly upheaval is for the child. Children need stability - especially after something as traumatic as the break-up of their family.

whabang wrote:
I'm not afraid that she will get sole custody, but I do know for a fact, that if I don't make an effort to be a part of her life, then she'll slowly fade out of my life, just as my brothers, my sister, and my father did when my parents broke up.

That's is very sad. It's good that you can recognise what has happened and make sure you don't make the same mistake with your daughter.

whabang wrote:
The next few days I'll have to get myself a new apartment. I'm the one with the higher income, and as this apartment is cheaper than most apartments half it's size, it's no more than right that she can keep it (don't want Elin to be homeless every second week). Once that's done, I guess it's time for the painful part: Going through everything, deciding what goes to whom.

At least you're level-headed enough to be practical. I'm not sure most would be handling this as well!

whabang wrote:
I guess the vacation we planned in two weeks isn't going to be the relaxed getaway that we had planned. :-(

Take a friend and go without her :-) Maybe the time away from the situation will give you time to think it over.

--
moto

[whabang]

Yeah, I know. I've been thinking about that stability thing aswell. I'm sure it'll work fine when she's older, but at the age of two, she's simply to young to understand what's going on. :-(

No easy way out of this, I guess...