Once upon a time, there was a great black dragon guarding a beautiful princess inside a dark castle. The story ends with many different ways, according to the Metal Hero that comes for her rescue.........
Heavy Metal Hero: Rides a stallion with no saddle, wearing only a fur, slays the dragon and takes the princess with him to love her in his kingdom....
Power Metal Hero: Rides an armored unicorn with full plate armor (both he and the horse). The horse collapses from the weight half of the way, and he walks the other half to the castle. He slays the dragon, rapes the princess without removing his armor, and walks home....
Speed Metal Hero: Runs to the castle, makes a couple of turns around it, passes in front of the dragon unnoticed, f*cks the princess twice (again unnoticed) and vanishes............
Thrash Metal Hero: Burns the castle to the ground, with the dragon and the princess inside, and drinks beers watching the nice fire...........
Death metal hero: Slays the dragon, impales him in front of the castle, kills the princess, f*cks her corpse and then impales her next to the dragon............
Black Metal Hero: Slays the dragon, drinks his blood to make a dark ceremony, but with no success because the princess was not virgin - so he kills the princess and drinks her blood also..........
Grind Core Hero: F*cks the dragon and eats the princess. The local villagers burn the weird couple inside the castle.....
Glam Metal Hero: Arrives with a ridiculous gay costume, the dragon laughs his ass out from this sight and eats him....end of story....
NU Metal Hero: Arrives with a destroyed Honda Civic 92' and before managing to escape, the dragon burns him in his pathetic junk car.....
Progressive Metal: Brings his amplifier and his Gibson Les Paul with him, plays a 40 minute solo in front of the dragon, the dragon commits suicide out of boredom, then the hero plays another 40 minute solo in front of the princess using every known technique and the princess escapes from the window looking for the heavy metal hero...
THE END
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