A very personal problem

[motorollin]

No, we've got it worse. We have do decide whether you /want/ the other person, whether you want to /be/ them, or whether you're just a neurotic, posessive nutcase. In this case, I think I might be the latter  :nervous:

[Karlos]

Perhaps you need a break from work...

[motorollin]

I'm resigning in September to go back to Uni :-D

[X-ray]

So to summarise:

1) You have a boyfriend who you will not under any circumstances give up.
2) You fancy a straight man, who probably doesn't fancy you at all (by default).
3) This man is your boss, at your place of work.

My good man, if ever there was a set of circumstances that lent themselves to a non-starting, calamitous and impossible relationship, these are them.

You know the answer. You just gotta accept it and move on.

[motorollin]

An ammendment to #2 for the record: I have suspicions that he may swing both ways :-)

But I *know* it can't ever happen. I'm not looking for advice about how to make it happen. I'm looking for advice about getting over this without losing a friend.

[PMC]

@motorollin

The one question I would ask is whether you are having relationship problems with your current partner.  You say you've worked with your boss for a long time without having feelings for him, until a pang of jealousy polarised you into your current siutuation, which makes me wonder if you are looking wistfully over the fence because your b/f and you are having issues?

In my own humble experience I only ever think about other people when I'm with someone when I feel less than secure in the existing relationship for whatever reason.

Obv, you're sensible enough to realise that it could cause problems with a friendship if you overstep the line and you acknowledge it's not much more than a fantasy, but I'd have a long think about your current relationship and how you feel before I'd do anything rash.

[amiga92570]

I thank god I am single and Happy.  :-D

[NoFastMem]

It sounds like the guilt is exacerbating the situation by keeping you increasingly occupied with this other person. The surest way to remedy it is to remove yourself from that environment; easier said than done, of course, and September is a long way off.

Moving on is a difficult process that you'll just have to bear. There's no way to skip through it. But stick to your resolve, hope for the best and you'll no doubt come out a richer person at the end of it.

[motorollin]

NoFastMem wrote:
It sounds like the guilt is exacerbating the situation by keeping you increasingly occupied with this other person.

Yes I thnk you are right. I am increasingly preoccupied with feelings of guilt rather than feelings for the person in question (though they are still there).

NoFastMem wrote:
The surest way to remedy it is to remove yourself from that environment; easier said than done, of course, and September is a long way off.

I agree that getting away from him is the best answer. I think I'll just have to stick it out until September.

NoFastMem wrote:
Moving on is a difficult process that you'll just have to bear. There's no way to skip through it. But stick to your resolve, hope for the best and you'll no doubt come out a richer person at the end of it.

Fingers crossed. You seem to have more confidence in this than I  :-(

Thanks again for the honest and supportive comments.

[Speelgoedmannetje]

I doubt your b/f will have much trouble with you having a quick snack, as long as you come home for dinner.

[Karlos]

Speelgoedmannetje wrote:
I doubt your b/f will have much trouble with you having a quick snack, as long as you come home for dinner.

Hmmm....

Actually, unless homosexual relationships are emotionally quite different, I'd have thought that the hurt caused by having a bit of a fling would be just as bad as it is for heterosexual relationships :-?

[Speelgoedmannetje]

Karlos wrote:

Speelgoedmannetje wrote:
I doubt your b/f will have much trouble with you having a quick snack, as long as you come home for dinner.

Disclaimer? :lol:

Hmmm....

Actually, unless homosexual relationships are emotionally quite different, I'd have thought that the hurt caused by having a bit of a fling would be just as bad as it is for heterosexual relationships :-?

I, actually have no idea. I have never had a long relationship because I have hardship with relating to other ppl.
One has to talk about this in his/her relationship.
Btw. I have seen enough (hetero) relationships wich were open.

[odin]

Snacks only make you fat and don't give you enough vitamins. Eat wholesome!

[Speelgoedmannetje]

Yes, but our huge appetite for meat won't make us slim either. And fish is not an option. :-P

[odin]

:lol:

But fish is so healthy! What with all them Omega-thingies =).

[Speelgoedmannetje]

And what about those fish bones? :nervous: