The Unofficial Professor F J Lewis Appreciation Thread

[Karlos]

X-ray wrote:
I have seen those pants, yes.

Yes, you were wearing them. You prefer worn out and soiled ladies underwear to your own worn out and soiled underwear as your usual cruedly sewn potato sack underwear chafes more and smells worse.

[Karlos]

This from a man so unhygenic that his own bodily secretions have, over the years of continuous wear without ever taking them off, transmuted his pitiful rags into a fetid, ersatz suit of armour. There you stand, barely able to move in the constrictive shell it has become, at the centre of a swirling galaxy of flies.

[Karlos]

X-ray wrote:
The reason you don't have pants is because they were confiscated after you continuously soiled them.

Confiscated by you, a disturbing look of desperate need on your face.

That's scoff-worthy, that is.

Yes, I recall you scoffed them quite voraciously, washing them down with a mug of suspicious brown liquid that gave off a rank ammoniacal smell not unlike your outdoor latrine. The one you haven't been able to flush since 1937 and is fringed with various crystalline substances left behind from the evaporation of the result your visits. Not that you manage to make it there most of the time, standing with the slightly embarrased look of the acutely incontinent as a yellow puddle forms around your feet, extracting dark stains from your unwashed trousers in the process.

[Karlos]

Is it the same lady that had to take out restraining orders preventing you from coming withing fifty metres of her?

[Karlos]

That's just poor. I can't believe you ressurected this thread for the sake of that insult :lol:

Come on man, you can do better than that!

[Karlos]

:lol:

I fear I may be out of practice.

[Karlos]

I haven't seen him return yet. I think his implant might be defective...

*cough* I mean, erm... I dunno, guv...

[Karlos]

See a derelict tramp, his clothes in threads, his features gaunt, his appearance lacking any kind of charm or sophistication? See how he nervously clutches the last remaining rusted coins in his possession, as he leans haphazardly against the bus shelter, his odour almost physically pushing the other customers away?

That's your best mate, that is. That's who you talk to when not standing in the town square stamping your barely booted foot and shouting at nobody in particular whilst ineffectually attempting to swat some the orbiting nebula of flies.

Sadly, you haven't even spoken to him since he accused you of cramping his style...


(that any good?)

[Karlos]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

"Your mum" jokes are the staple of conversation between me and my best mate. The bit in that video where he said "That's 'My Life As A Prostitute' by your mum" had me wetting myself!

See a pair of wizened old tramps at the end of a dank alley, sprawled amid the torn refuse bags left behind by a waste disposal service that took exception to their contents? See their derelict disposition as they pick listlessly through the discarded detritus of a society that casually pretends to ignore their collective failure in even allowing such destitution in their midst? Do you hear their unintelligible, monosyllabic methylated spirit ruined argument?

That's you and your best mate, that is. That's you exchanging "your mum" jokes.

[Karlos]

Edit -

Clearly I've put my foot in it, but I'm not sure why. Karlos, please check your PM

Don't worry, just keep any scathing History Today insults levelled at me instead

[Karlos]

LOL, I just re-read this thread again for the first time in ages

We need more