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Author Topic: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON  (Read 14167 times)

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Offline Dan

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #14 from previous page: December 12, 2004, 11:44:25 PM »
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poweramiga2002 wrote:
I have a 7yr 8yr  and a 6 month baby

my 7 and 8 yr olds have both given me the rules on hitting as they were told by there teachers at school

they use it against me all the time they even threaten to say ive hit them
if i dont do what they want me to do cause they have been told the police will take me away
so what in the hell do i do to punish them ? i send them to there rooms they refuse i cant smack them
if i lock them in there room its against the law im off to jail

Is it really illegal to lock them up during the evening, I know the toilet is one problem otherwise as long as you stay in the house I don´t see the problem.(theres an idea design new houses with the kids rooms as jail cell with their own toilets:lol:)  as I said my dad used to throw me out of the house until dark but that only works in the countryside.
When I got older and questioned my dads right to contol my tv watching , my dad simply locked away the antenna cord, then when I bought spare cords he took the antennaamplifier.:-)
Don´t just cave in that way the children will just push the limits futher
pocketmoney is both carrot and stick, any parent(and kid) knows that:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
 
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the juvenile crime rate is so high here and its because as parents we have no rights any more

we might as well just hand them all loaded guns as their born and  just let them go for it

It´s not that parents doesn´t have any rights anymore it´s simply that the children got rigths to. Most kids can be brougth around its just a question of time.

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when i was growing up if i did anything wrong i got the belt and i always thought twice about misbehaving

No you simply thought twice about misbehaving when anybody could see you!
It also put you in this situation with your kids.
The thing is that the kids need to know that the parents rules really are for the kids best. Establishing that isn´t easy but it works so much better.
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Offline Dan

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #15 on: December 13, 2004, 09:01:40 AM »
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X-ray wrote:
"...Try smacking a 12 year old or 15 year old into following your rules..."

I got smacked at the age of 12 at home, and at the age of 15 I was caned at school. I pretty had pretty much learned to follow the rules by then and physical punishment dwindled as I became more mature.

As I said: Kitchen knives. the most common murder weapon of all.
Try to use a corporal punishment on a 15 year old chavs. :lol:
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Offline Dan

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #16 on: December 13, 2004, 01:12:34 PM »
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X-ray wrote:
"...he used another one, simply throwing me out of the house until dark/diner time I think that was a good one because it meant we both had time to calm down and think over the situation and I had time as kid to think over what I had done wrong. I realise this wouldn´t work in the city but thats just the cities faults..."

and

"where do you draw the line between smacking and child abuse"

I think the above statements clearly show that you have a, shall we say, 'unique' perspective on this.

Of course, as I already said my dad was old enough to be my grandfather. That makes for an unusual situation. A situation which could have ended tragically, if it hasen´t been for the law against corporal punishment. As for being throw out it was just a more boring version of go to your room, very "Emil i Lönneberga" :-P
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Offline Dan

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #17 on: December 13, 2004, 01:13:18 PM »
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X-ray wrote:
"...Then dont have picknicks at that site, its you who claim that children is sole the parents responsibility guess what that means for any picknick by the dangerous water..."

Hmmm, that hardly seems to be fitting advice from an 'anarchist'.

You have no idea what anarchism means have you?

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Just as well my parents weren't like you. I would have had a very restricted childhood: maybe a padded cell as a room?

See option three, there is a reason for rules, if a parent say its dangerous then it is. just as well that you wasn´t raised on a farm, your parents method would never have worked, you would be maimed. If I was told to not touch anything, I {bleep}ing knew that it was for my own best. I also knew that other adults was serious when they told me to stay away from something.
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Offline Dan

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #18 on: December 13, 2004, 01:22:21 PM »
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PMC wrote:
It's a deeper problem than just being about corporal punishment, it's about respect.

When I was a kid, I was taught respectful behaviour both by my mother and my teachers at school.  These days, with so much in society geared towards kids, the notion of respect for oneself and others has gone out of the window.

Exactly, finally somebody with a commonsense.

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Personally, I feel those diabolical teenies who go around breaking into cars and homes without fear of prosecution should either be sent to boot camp or publically birched. Either way, the notion that one's actions have consequences must be brought home to them in some way.  After all, within ten years they may have children of their own.

Or restoration of those old fashioned jails, whitewashed walls, bed, table,chair, toilet,  New Testament and some other edifying literature as only entertainment. Not these sailing trips in the Mediterrean that is the youth crime correctional system today.

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Offline Dan

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #19 on: December 14, 2004, 11:14:55 AM »
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Cymric wrote:
Or what about administering drugs like Ritalin to active and difficult children to quiet them down and make them more 'managable'? I hear it's all the fashion these days. Is that okay?

No it isn´t, its another symptom of the fact that educating and raising children aren´t allowed to take time or cost money.
Get this all swedish elementary schools are built with classrooms for 30 children. Now they have changed the law to allow 34 children in a class(unless they have changed it again, who can keep up with budget cuts). this means thats either four of them are facing straight into the blackboard having to turn their head to look at the teacher or that authorities are relying on them to skip school(thats with the most cramed in arangement of shoolbenchs possible).

We had one of those "problem" with to much energy kids in my class he was one year younger than me( we were an agemixed class, there where more than the maximum 28 for a class in our area). He was lucky that he was in our small class with 9 kids my age and 8 kids his age. He just couldn´t sit still in the bench, but as long as he keept quite and did his math and stuff, what harm did it do that he was sitting on the bench instead of on the chair or that he was lying on the floor and working in his book? He calmed down in fourth grade.
Sure, we was giggling the first times he climbed up on the desk and played with his crocodile-eraser, but we soon tired of it.
"Class now tell Jon that he should work in his mathbook"
And we did and he did and there was never anybody slapped.

But that are kids that need medication like that kid at the same school how just threw himself at the ground/floor and just bit and clawed anyone that tried to move him. And get this there was one guy hired just to take care of this kid and even he couldn´t handle him. When he was trying to carry the kid inside after a break, because the kid refused to walk inside himself he usually was bitten or clawed by the kid. The kid needed serious medical and psychological treatment so he was moved to a special school. Today he would just be drugged unconscious and put in a normal class.
It´s more economical thats what they think anyway.
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Offline Dan

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #20 on: December 14, 2004, 11:15:00 AM »
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Cymric wrote:
Plus it introduces the rather curious problem what to do about children hitting other children. That's just as bad as adults hitting children. Sometimes even worse since adults are supposed to know restraint and reason, despite them being much stronger. I speak from bitter experience of being the butt-end of a number of brainless bullies for a few years.

Was these bullies older than you?
What was the schoolyard rules? (I never understood why you was gay if you fought on a Thursday, maybe that one was started by tired teachers :lol:)
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You want to try and get a law preventing this sort of thing through government?

No, by a changed attitude in the whole society.
There was a kid in third grade who started bulling us first graders a few weeks after the schoolstart. Now the teachers couldn´t do anything because they never saw him doing anything and he wasn´t so stupid as to admitt anything. Now the sixth grade noticed and executed schoolyard justice, they put him upside down in one of those large plastic trashcan(big like a laundry basket) only his leg stuck out of it. Just so you know nobody in my class or the other first grade class had a brother in sixth grade.
Thats how the childrens own law about school figths is upheld. I got more examples but you get the idea.
Now it might be naive to think that there should be rules and justice in the world, but I´m a product of swedish 80s.:lol:
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Offline Dan

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #21 on: December 14, 2004, 11:17:53 AM »
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Cymric wrote:
First, the Minister was not right. His goal was to prevent serious child abuse by outlawing any form of contact other than a soft touch in 'neutral' areas.

I don´t know the guy, but I tought he was trying to change an attitude. That why we got the law here in Sweden. Law and massive information campaigns before and after.

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People who abuse their child will not be impressed one iota, and go ahead beating the child senseless anyway.

People who are already are doing it now, no. But the changed attitude might influence some borderlines.

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Plus it doesn't do anything about psychological abuse, nor prevent other gruesome methods of torture. If you want to hurt children, you needn't do that by hitting them.

No arguement there.
 
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Despite the fact I don't have any children, I can understand his worries and anxieties. But he is barking up the wrong tree, and fighting symptoms instead of working on, say, improved monitoring, keeping the anonymous hot line for child abuse open (it is most likely going to be closed), and making sure that all officials have the right information to have them step in quickly and quietly when necessary.

If they are closing that hotline at the same time then they are simply bigots!

 
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Second, there is a not-so-subtle difference between hitting a child, and what I cryptically (and, in hindsight, rather anal-retentively) called administering a corrective, educational slap. With the latter I mean either a slap on the hand, or a slap on the buttocks. Never anywhere else, most especially the head. If you alter position, apply more force than you would apply during hand-clapping, or use anything other than an open palm, you're crossing the line. Period. That's when it becomes hitting, and people ought to seek out professional help if they did this more than once.
And are those people likely to do that?:-?


 
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Finally, you really cannot compare hitting someone in the street with a slap you give a child when it's being headstrong, or throwing a temper tantrum.

NO?? How about the death penalty? Actually I think thats a better comparison.

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That's why I have a hard time taking anyone serious who seeks to limit my (to be) paternal judgement by making the slap illegal.

And I have a hard time taking people opposing such a law seriously because if it prevents or lead to discover of just one case of childabuse then it´s worth it.
Slapping children is nothing but a quick fix of the symptoms much like the drug use you talked about.
qouting myself:
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Dan wrote:
The only thing that prevents a 3 year old from hitting back is the sheer physical size difference. Quite a few of those hair-, earpulling and pinching mothers kids get very good at kicking adults on the lower shins at a young age.

Now do these "little Kung Fu-masters" act the way they do?
Because they have no reason to obey rules other than avoiding punishment.
The problem is the general attitude about it in society, much like drunk driving.
When I was a kid in the swedish 80s in a middleclass area in the country side(either farmers or detached house owners, mortgage on the house almost paid off, 2 cars, wife working halftime, 2 kids and a dog and/or cats, an A500 or C64 in everyhouse) if somebody pulled their kids hair or ear the whole room went quiet and everybody stared, sometimes somebody elses parents even spoke up.
If there was a case of childabuse in the news everybody assumed that they was either alcoholics or religous wackos because sane normal people just didn´t do that.

It´s much like drunk driving, sure there has always been laws but not much happened before the promille limit got so low that there was no room for any experimenting with percentages. When ligthbeer or cider to the food was all that it was possible to drink before driving it changed the attitude. Did people pick the carkeys of drunk people at parties in the fiftys? Hell no.
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Offline Dan

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #22 on: December 14, 2004, 03:17:43 PM »
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Cymric wrote:
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Dan wrote:
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People who abuse their child will not be impressed one iota, and go ahead beating the child senseless anyway.

People who are already are doing it now, no. But the changed attitude might influence some borderlines.

I doubt the number of cases would significantly decrease. In fact, it might even increase since the standard of what is considered 'abuse' has changed. That is dangerous

Do you mean because some parents will just carry on  and even might take it further prevent discovery? :-?
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Offline Dan

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #23 on: December 14, 2004, 03:18:13 PM »
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PMC wrote:
So how does a Swede deal with a brattish child?  

Today? No time, no time , look at the clock, no time -Stop that,Stop that, -I SAID STOP THAT, FOR {bleep}S SAKE. STOP IT! JUST STOP earpull scream Waaaaahaaa.
Well not everybody but increasingly common. Is it really strange that we have a increasing youth crime problem(blaming immigration is just an excuse)?

Back then and good parents today.
-Stop that or you will be grounded. You can do that because....
The methods has already been listed. Most extreme no allowance and grounded for a month, confined to your room for a couple of days. Or if you break it you pay it which could mean no allowance for upto a year.
 
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Offline Dan

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Re: BANNED FROM HOME FOR SMACKING SON
« Reply #24 on: December 14, 2004, 03:18:36 PM »
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Cymric wrote:
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You want to try and get a law preventing this sort of thing through government?

No, by a changed attitude in the whole society.

This sounds very naive: kids will be kids. After all, deep down, they are still tiny little animals. But it is not my place to comment other people's ideals.

And even animals has rules(hard ones yes). And are you saying that animals can´t be trained without slaping them?
Generally people that are good with animals are good with kids and the opposite is true to.

I feel like I am talking in circles so I will take the timemachine fifty years forward back to the present.
Apple did it right the first time, bring back the Newton!