Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]

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Whats the difference between a dead dog lying on the motorway and a dead lawyer lying on the motorway?

The dead dog has skid marks infront of it.

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I received the most god-awful joke I have heard in a very long time in my in-box today.  Was gonna post it here and share with you folks.  But alas, a quick search revealed it had already been posted (the coffin joke posted by Wilse.) Good thing I checked eh?

Anyway, keep up the good work lads. Maybe someone should make an email filter that checks if the content originated from here. There's a plugin I would install.

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Young Tommy McLaughlin

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."

The priest asks, "Is that you, young Tommy McLaughlin?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And, who was the woman you were with?"

"Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Patricia Connor?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Liz Shannon?"

"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."

"Was it Kathy Morgan?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"

"Please, Father, please, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy McLaughlin, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone.

You cannot attend church for three months. Be off with you now."

Tommy walks back to his pew.

His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Three month's vacation and five good leads," says Tommy.

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A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.

One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror,  she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to her lover. "And jump out the window. My husband's home early!"

"I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets "It's raining out there!"

"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun, the rain is the least of your problems!"

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and  jumps out the  window!

As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon.

So he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.

"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"

Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"

"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get  dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home! "

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried.

"Do you always wear a condom when you run? "

"Nope.........just when it's raining.

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Wilse,

Noel Edmonds has been reading out some terrible jokes on the radio. The one about the library reminded me of this "joke":

A man walks into a video shop and says
"fish and chips please."

"I'm sorry, this is a video store" say's the shop assistant

"Oh, in that case I'll have a Fish called Wanda"

... that's it... sorry.

here's a few more:

A toothless termite walks into a bar and says:
"Is the bar tender here?"

A penguin walks into a bar and asks
"has my brother been in?"

"I dunno," says the bartender, "what does he look like?"

A few more bad jokes on the bbc site here: Jestoration

enjoy.