The Unofficial Professor F J Lewis Appreciation Thread

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You see the list of names below here? That's who is better than me, that is.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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Well, you are envious of me, and I won't stop you.

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Such large mass of rusting utensils being what you use as cutlery.

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See that impressive list of Amiga.org members, some of whom are online as we speak?
Do you see that?
Those are my fans, those are.
Those are the ones who are laughing at your cutlery. But soon they will feel sorry for you and have a collection to buy you at least one respectable spoon.

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Well, you are envious of my speed, and I won't stop you.

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Well I am tayloring the evolution (or lack thereof) of my comments, to the IQ of the person to whom it is directed  :-P

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See a wretched street urchin in the grasp of a nefarious narcotic, his spasmodic antics remininscent of strychnine poisoning? See him tipping the contents of a can of alphabet soup over the side of a building, the letters applied here and there with much frenzy and minimal purpose? Do you see that chaotic tapestry of jumbled letters?
That's your finest prose, that is.
That's what you produce when you apply yourself with maximum effort to the simplest of communications.

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You are envious of my fame, and I won't stop you.

You display the incoherent ramblings of a common citizen who realises that he is in fact conversing with Professor F J Lewis himself.

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Oh no I won't, you will. I never cry, I am Professor Lewis.

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You're crying now, aren't you.

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See the news crew out filming at your house because a second Niagara Falls has been discovered?
That's you crying, that is.
That's your tears of shame.

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I'll bet you're crying on the phone right now. But there is nobody listening, just dial tone.
That's because you have no friends to call. And even if you did find someone to call by guessing a phone number, they wouldn't listen for more than a millisecond.

You're on the phone, aren't you?

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It would have to be a very simple instrument, mind you, if it was in your house. maybe it would be two empty bean tins connected by a string. But nobody would pick up the other end.

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Stop crying now, and let's talk about the efficiency of the German navy in World War 2.

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He is on the phone, crying. Leave him for a bit. Don't stop him.

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See that Jabba the Hut? He never needed the phone when he was losing. If you had more composure you could be like him, but all you emulated was his physique.
That's you when you were slim, that is.