Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]

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Did you know that if you say "mahnamahna" it has the same effect as coughing?

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 :lol:

That one I just gotta use on the people at work...

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Five guys in an Audi Quattro arrived at a border checkpoint. The officer stops them and tells them:
"It is illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro."
"What do you mean it is illegal?" asked the driver.
"Quattro means four" replies the officer.
"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the driver retorts disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons."
"You can not pull that one on me," replies the officer "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law."
The driver replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds the officer, "he is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."
 

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A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"

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A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats could smell the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.
He told them to piss off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.

"OK, follow me", he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a huge forest.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him, tongues hanging out for blood.

"Do you see that large oak tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, YES!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good" said the first bat, "Because I f*cking didn't"

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Well, it's mine noooo, ye hear me big maan? I dinae wade through pages an' pages of jokes on mah other website tah hear ye whine aboot postin' it earlier. It's mine. Ah grrrrawner! I am it's daddy!

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It's a good one. I can see why you would have posted it.

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Two women are walking home after a girlie night out. They are very drunk and the walk home is taking some time due to their intoxicated state.
Eventually, they find themselves desperate for a wee.

At that particular moment, they are passing a church and decide to go behind the headstones in the graveyard. As they finish they both realize they have nothing to 'freshen-up' with so the first woman decides to use her knickers and then throw them away.
The second woman is wearing very expensive underwear and is reluctant to lose them, when she notices a new grave nearby with lots of fresh flowers, amongst which is a very lavish bouquet with a thick soft ribbon.
'Just the job' she decides and without another thought, duly drags the bouquet over and uses the ribbon to dry herself. Their task completed, the women continue staggering home.

Next morning, the husband of the first woman phones the husband of the second. "We need to keep an eye on our wives. Mine came home with no knickers on last night."

"You think you've got problems" exclaims the second husband "My wife came home last night with a card stuck up her arse that said, "We'll Never Forget You - From All the Lads at the Fire Station"

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A woman brought her hamster to the vet to be examined. The vet placed the hamster on the examination table, examined it and finally told the woman that the motionless hamster was dead. The woman was very upset and asked for a second opinion.
The vet whistled once and a labrador appeared. He put his front paws up on the examination table and sniffed the hamster's backside. He looked at the vet and shook his head sadly. Not good.
The labrador left and a cat appeared. The cat jumped up onto the examination table and sniffed the hamster up and down, touching his whiskers on the hamster's fur. After a while the cat also shook his head sadly. The hamster was dead.
"I'm sorry, your hamster really is dead," said the vet, "and I must bill you £450."
"What!!" exclaimed the woman, "that's a lot of money, why so much?"
"Well," said the vet, "if you had accepted my original diagnosis it would have been only £30, but the lab report and the cat scan is expensive you know."

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@ Doobrey  :lol:

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A young boy was with his father, waiting to cross the road. The boy noticed two dogs crossing the road, one mounting the other. He asked his father what was going on there.
"Well, son," said the father, thinking quickly, "the dog at the back has sore paws and the dog in front has kindly offered to let him put his paws on her back while they cross the road."

"Hmmm," said the boy, "that just goes to show, you help somebody out and they screw you..."

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Surely there can be a dedicated cut 'n paster (from Whyzzat) who can copy groaners from here to there? I'm sure nobody here would mind (I certainly wouldn't).

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I guess my statement only makes sense if both sites are to continue enjoying these groaners. It seems to me that if the groaners are moved to Whyzzat, instead of being copied there, then AO members such as myself who do not intend to frequent Whyzzat might not be able to contribute/enjoy them anymore.