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Author Topic: Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]  (Read 189743 times)

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Offline Vincent

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Re: Groaner's Corner Reloaded
« Reply #464 from previous page: June 05, 2003, 12:14:48 AM »
What does a Knight in armour do with a lance when he's lost his job?

He free-lances!

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"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline WilseTopic starter

Re: Groaner's Corner Reloaded
« Reply #465 on: June 05, 2003, 10:28:55 AM »
A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things:

1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 120 kg blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
 
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
"Nah... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Offline WilseTopic starter

Re: Groaner's Corner Reloaded
« Reply #466 on: June 05, 2003, 11:41:15 AM »
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.  On his first day, he dialled the kitchen and shouted into the phone:
"Get me a F*CKING cup of coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded: "You fool, you've dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"

"No," replied the trainee.
" It's the Managing Director of the company, idiot!"

The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are F*CKING talking to, you idiot?"

"No!" replied the Managing Director indignantly.

"Thank F*CK for that!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.

Offline WilseTopic starter

Re: Groaner's Corner Reloaded
« Reply #467 on: June 05, 2003, 12:01:52 PM »
Blonde Disclaimer: Sorry girls, people keep sending me these.
--
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note:
I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde.
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had
instructed. Inside the bag was the following note....
Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!

Offline Quixote

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Re: Groaner's Corner Reloaded
« Reply #468 on: June 08, 2003, 02:36:06 AM »
;-) An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning until night, (and sometimes later,) she was always complaining about something.
 
The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.  One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch.
 
Immediately, his wife began nagging him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.  All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet --caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
 
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd.   When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a male mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.
 
This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.  So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with all the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with the men.
 
The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."
 
"And what about the men?" the minister asked.
 
"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
 
 

Offline Vincent

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Re: Groaner's Corner Reloaded
« Reply #469 on: June 08, 2003, 02:09:03 PM »
:lol:  That's a good one Quixote.
Xbox360
"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Quixote

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Re: Groaner's Corner Reloaded
« Reply #470 on: June 08, 2003, 09:08:51 PM »
Vincent volunteered:
Quote
What does a Knight in armour do with a lance when he's lost his job?

He free-lances!
Ugh!

;-) Actually, I did do that for a while, though I'm working again now.
 

Offline Vincent

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Re: Groaner's Corner Reloaded
« Reply #471 on: June 08, 2003, 11:38:27 PM »
Quote

Quixote wrote:
Ugh!

;-) Actually, I did do that for a while, though I'm working again now.


I thought it was really bad aswell :-P

Good to see you're not doing that full-time :-D
Xbox360
"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Karlos

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Re: Groaner's Corner Reloaded
« Reply #472 on: June 08, 2003, 11:45:43 PM »
Hi all,

A quick groaner I heard today - skip over if your blonde...

Q) What's blonde and has an IQ of 160?

A) A foursome!

int p; // A
 

Offline Karlos

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Re: Groaner's Corner Reloaded
« Reply #473 on: June 08, 2003, 11:48:02 PM »
I'm pretty sure someone posted something like this before, but here goes..

Two guys are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.
The other guy turns to face him,

"That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."

"Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years."

:-)
int p; // A
 

Offline Karlos

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Re: Groaner's Corner Reloaded
« Reply #474 on: June 08, 2003, 11:54:18 PM »
Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came across some tracks...

"Those must be deer tracks!"

"No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"

"No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"

They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.

int p; // A
 

Offline Karlos

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Re: Groaner's Corner Reloaded
« Reply #475 on: June 09, 2003, 12:14:14 AM »
Here's an old one :-)

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out,

"That`s the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"

Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

"Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that."

"You're right. I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!"

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
int p; // A
 

Offline Karlos

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Re: Groaner's Corner Reloaded
« Reply #476 on: June 09, 2003, 02:52:08 AM »
Hmmm.

I'll get my coat ;-)
int p; // A
 

Offline Funeral

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Re: Groaner's Corner Reloaded
« Reply #477 on: June 09, 2003, 09:46:36 AM »
whats the Dif. between a 1974 cherry red Thunderbird and a sack of dead babys...







I dont have a 1974 cherry red Thinderbird in my Garage.
Atari läßt Amegia wie die Scheiße aussehen, die es ist.
 

Offline WilseTopic starter

Re: Groaner's Corner Reloaded
« Reply #478 on: June 09, 2003, 04:43:00 PM »
@Funeral:

Ouch!

That one went right off the taste-o-meter!

But I iked it.  :-D

Offline Quixote

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Re: Groaner's Corner Reloaded
« Reply #479 on: June 10, 2003, 07:08:32 PM »
:-? Did you hear about the two tankers that collided in the Atlantic?  One was carrying red paint, while the other carried purple paint.  The combined crews managed to swim to a nearby island, but they were marooned.