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AuthorTopic: Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]  (Read 34851 times)

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Offline Karlos

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #15 on: March 06, 2003, 11:43:49 AM »
Ok, another cafe groaner for ye'

This guy is driving along Route66. Over the hours, miles and miles of featureless landscape pass by, during which time he gets seriously hungry.

Fortunately, he notices a sign for a roadside cafe a few miles on, heralding 'Good food at popular prices!'

On arrival, famished, he walks in through the door and makes his way to the counter, where the owner and his wife present him with the days' specials menu.

He scans down the list and is astonished to see that a pot of coffee, hash browns, bacon and eggs will cost him 35 dollars. He complains, 'Hey, what kind of con is this? Your ad said "good food at popular prices"!'

Owner & wife chorused, 'Wyll, screw you. We like 'em!'

:-)
int p; // A
 

Offline Venkman

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #16 on: March 06, 2003, 11:50:35 AM »
Hey Vincent... Yup, I've been exposed to Karlos's particular brand of comedy before. Kinda hard to avoid it when we're both in the same room  :-D
Video game developer, former ZX81, C64 and Amiga bedroom coder, amateur astronomer, musician, graphic designer, Linux user and geek!
 

Offline Karlos

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #17 on: March 06, 2003, 11:55:56 AM »
Oh dear...

Here's a really old one.

Two long standing employees of the Sellafield nuclear waste processing facility are waiting for the works bus. One looks pensive, 'I had my medical recently. Things don't look so great',

Second guy, 'Really, what's up?'

'It's kinda embarrasing. Let's just say that between us we've got five testicles...'

The second guy turns to face him, features fixed by shock, 'Jeez! What, you mean you only got one?!'

:-P
int p; // A
 

Offline Venkman

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #18 on: March 06, 2003, 12:32:14 PM »
Okay here's a groaner for ya's... (kinda long)

There is this guy who is into tractors in a huge way. He eats, drinks and sleeps them (sad innit?)

Anway, he's taking some time off from work one day, and goes for a walk in the countryside. While he's out there he finds a tractor that is unattended and decided that he's going to have a go. He gets in, starts it up and proceeds to drive it along the road.

Somehow he manages to lose control and the tractor rolls down a steep slope and ends up as a crumpled heap in a ditch.  He spends a few weeks recoverinbg in hospital and swears to himself that he'll never go near another tractor as long as he lives.

While he is in hospital there is a fire in the kitchens. The man decides to be a hero and hobbles down there to see if he can help. The man gets to the fire and suddenly sucks in a deep breath and all the flames get sucked in with it. The fire is totally extinguished.

A nurse runs up to the man and says "wow, thats great! How did you manage to do that?" To this the man replies "I'm an ex-tractor fan"

 :-D
Video game developer, former ZX81, C64 and Amiga bedroom coder, amateur astronomer, musician, graphic designer, Linux user and geek!
 

Offline Karlos

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #19 on: March 06, 2003, 01:14:05 PM »
Uh ho, looks like I got groaner competition!

-edit-

An engineer dies and duly reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, bit of a mix up here I'm afraid. You're in the wrong place."
So, the engineer promptly reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great.   We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to find a lawyer?"

int p; // A
 

Offline Venkman

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #20 on: March 06, 2003, 01:48:56 PM »
A man is walking through the park one day, and he sees another man throwing a stick for his dog.

As the man gets closer, the dog owner throws the stick into the pond and the dog jumps in after it.

The man says to the dog owner, "Hey your dog is really clever".
To this the owner replies, "He's not that bloody clever, he's fogotten that he can't swim."

:lol:
Video game developer, former ZX81, C64 and Amiga bedroom coder, amateur astronomer, musician, graphic designer, Linux user and geek!
 

Offline Karlos

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #21 on: March 06, 2003, 01:54:23 PM »
Vincents' gonna love this when he logs on next...
A groan war!

:flame: Beats flame wars :destroy:
int p; // A
 

Offline Venkman

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #22 on: March 06, 2003, 02:06:40 PM »
There's a good name for a movie...

Joke Wars - Attack of The Groans  :-D
Video game developer, former ZX81, C64 and Amiga bedroom coder, amateur astronomer, musician, graphic designer, Linux user and geek!
 

Offline Vincent

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #23 on: March 06, 2003, 02:57:57 PM »
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Quote
Vincents' gonna love this when he logs on next...


Too right, it's about time we had more funny stuff in here instead of flame/real-life threads :-D

Venkman, I forgot that Karlos said he knew you in the newbie post ;-)

Looks like you're gonna fit in quite well :-D
Xbox360
"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Karlos

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #24 on: March 06, 2003, 04:05:29 PM »
Quote

Vincent wrote:
right, it's about time we had more funny stuff in here instead of flame/real-life threads :-D



Man, I wish Wilse were still here... ;-) He always has something funny up his sleeve...
Come back Rob, all is forgiven! :lol:
int p; // A
 

Offline Venkman

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #25 on: March 06, 2003, 04:45:16 PM »
@ Vincent

Nice to know that my own brand of humour is appreciated... :crazy:
Video game developer, former ZX81, C64 and Amiga bedroom coder, amateur astronomer, musician, graphic designer, Linux user and geek!
 

Offline Karlos

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #26 on: March 06, 2003, 04:47:01 PM »
Pete,

Just noticed you got your first checkered square, eh :-D

We have got just too much time on our hands today...
int p; // A
 

Offline Vincent

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #27 on: March 06, 2003, 06:05:07 PM »
Quote

Karlos wrote:
Pete,

Just noticed you got your first checkered square, eh :-D


Congrats mate :-D

Quote
We have got just too much time on our hands today...


I haven't had much time to surf today, I've spent all afternoon putting my tower & monitor on my desk, and getting it all sorted out again.  I just wish I had my accel card :-(

Here's a golden oldie for you guys (bloody long!):

A Scotsman, Englishman and Irishman were trying to escape from a prisoner of war camp in Germany during WWII.  They had been watching the fence next to their hut for a while, and they had spotted an opening.

"Right," said the Englishman.  "The shift changes about 11pm, we'll wait until the last guard on the outside is on his way back, and the searchlights have just passed, then we'll climb the fence."

"Sure," said the Scotsman.  "It's real queit oot there at that time, we cud really mak' it tae the wids."

The Scotsman and Irishman both agreed this would be the best time.

11pm was closing in and the guard was walking back to the gate.

"Right, time to go" said the Scotsman.  He ran to the fence, climbed over it and jumped down the other side.  He landed on an old fallen branch and it snapped.  The guard turned round.

"Halt! Who goes there?"

"Miaow," came the Scotsman's reply.

"Damn cat."

The guard turned and started making his way back to the gate again.

The Scotsman then creeped quietly to the woods ahead.

"Phew," said the Englishman.  "That was close."  He ran towards the fence, climbed over it, and dropped down the other side.

Snap!  He also landed on a fallen branch.

"Halt! Who goes there," the Guard said as he turned round.

"Miaow."

"If that cat does it again, I'll scare it off with a shot from my gun."

The guard turned back towards the gate again.

The Englishman creeped over to the Scotsman in the woods and waited on the Irishman.

"Right," the Irishman said.  "Here goes nothing."  He ran to the fence, climbed it and dropped down the other side.

Snap!  Another branch broken under foot.

"Halt! Who goes there?"

The Irishman replied: "Don't worry, it's just another damn cat."

If that's not a groaner, I don't know what is. :-D
Xbox360
"Oh no. Everytime you turn up something monumental and terrible happens.
I don\'t think I have the stomach for it." - Raziel
 

Offline Venkman

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #28 on: March 06, 2003, 09:35:26 PM »
:lol:

Yep that is most definately a groaner...

I hadn't noticed that I'd gotten my first square... Woohooo!!!!!!

It's true! We did have waaaay too much time on our hands. :-D
Video game developer, former ZX81, C64 and Amiga bedroom coder, amateur astronomer, musician, graphic designer, Linux user and geek!
 

Offline Mike_Amiga

Re: EMINEM
« Reply #29 on: March 07, 2003, 01:17:04 AM »
Sing with me....

Eminem ain't nothin' but a bitch, BITCH! :-P
AKA ED-209 on IRC...