One for Fade and Smerf

[Cyberus]

http://reuters.co.uk/newsPackageArticle.jhtml?type=topNews&storyID=597176§ion=news

:lol:

Joking aside, I hope those onboard are okay.

[PMC]

As a Brit, I take a great deal of pride in the superior build quality of all our products.  No doubt the engines in this submarine were built to the highest standards by a team of dedicated engineers, probably fresh from the Land Rover production line...

:lol:

In all seriousness, I hope those poor sailors are rescued quickly.  A submarine is never a nice thing to be in when drifting about on the surface, let alone in a 35mph gale.  

If I were the captain of said sub, I think I'd be stripping down the gearbox, just to make sure no-one's filled it with sawdust prior to sale.  

[odin]

Have the Brits also turned back the odometer before the sale?  :-P

[PMC]

Yeah, it was advertised as "Low mileage, one careful lady non-smoking owner. Full service history".

A man wearing a sheepskin coat said to be a representative of "Honest Arthur's Second Hand Naval Vessels" was unavailable for comment.

[bloodline]

Come guys like you would sell a working sub... hahahah, Britain sucks :lol:

At least we managed to rescue the sailors, though I'm surprised they managed to find the sub with a Nimrod ;-)

[PMC]

We have a proud tradition of third rate lashups when it comes to the military?

Remember the Tornado F3s that were still awaiting a radar when they entered service?  They were patrolling Britain's skies with a nosecone containing a concrete weight and paired with a Tornado equipped with a working radar.

Then there were the Phantom jets we bought from the Americans, insisting that they had to be fitted with Rolls Royce engines to guarantee British jobs.  Turned out we had to redesign the whole rear end of the plane to make them fit (the Rolls Royce Spey was designed for airliners, not fighters) and the resulting drag made British Phantoms slower and thirstier than everyone elses.

We equip our soldiers with boots that melt in the desert, fought the first Gulf war in European camo because we'd just sold our desert camo to the Iraqis...

And best of all, we're STILL at it.

In order to save a couple of million, British Eurofighters have had their cannon armament deleted.  However, the costs of removing the weapons are higher than leaving them be, so the guns are simply "deactivated".  In English, it means that there's no ammo for them...

[odin]

Concrete nosecone? :roflmao: :crazy: *cuckoo* *cuckoo*

Are those Typhoon/Eurofighter things already in service? Oh well, it seems the JSF is going to be a major {bleep}-up too, and the Dutch government insists on participating :roll:. And the idiotic defenseminister we have now wants to purchase Tomahawks. I mean, wtf?

[PMC]

odin wrote:
Concrete nosecone? :roflmao: :crazy: *cuckoo* *cuckoo*

Can you imagine the fear etched on the faces of Soviet pilots being confronted with a flying patio?  

Are those Typhoon/Eurofighter things already in service? Oh well, it seems the JSF is going to be a major {bleep}-up too, and the Dutch government insists on participating :roll:

They're "currently entering service" which means they'll be slowly coming in over the next ten years or so (from the projected 2000 in service date).  We're also on board with JSF too, to equip our forthcoming aircraft carriers (which no doubt will be redesigned, and re-redesigned to cut costs), but the JSF has been on the pies since it's debut and is desperately shedding weight...  An in service date eight years from now seems wildly optimistic, especially considering the F22 took twelve years from first flight to being in service.  

. And the idiotic defenseminister we have now wants to Purchace Tomahawks. I mean, wtf?

Ah!  Nice to see that putting cretins in charge of defence policy isn't a wholly British phenomena!  

[bloodline]

Then there were the Phantom jets we bought from the Americans, insisting that they had to be fitted with Rolls Royce engines to guarantee British jobs. Turned out we had to redesign the whole rear end of the plane to make them fit (the Rolls Royce Spey was designed for airliners, not fighters) and the resulting drag made British Phantoms slower and thirstier than everyone elses.

You've can of worms there!! Remember that the Phantoms were to replace the Buccaneer because it was old and sucked... And the Buccanners were given to the RAF who were still wating for the F-111 (the promise of an early delivery, caused the cancellation of the superior TSR-2 project)... Since the F-111 never materialised on time or at the promised price, the Buccaneers got new engines (The Spey?) and then proved to be rather good (but not as good as a TSR-2), and stayed in service until 10 years ago...

You want F*** Ups The MOD have got a whole history of them...

At least the Nimrod is pretty... well before they shoe horned in a radar system that was twice the size of the airframe... :roll:

[bloodline]

They're "currently entering service" which means they'll be slowly coming in over the next ten years or so (from the projected 2000 in service date). We're also on board with JSF too, to equip our forthcoming aircraft carriers (which no doubt will be redesigned, and re-redesigned to cut costs), but the JSF has been on the pies since it's debut and is desperately shedding weight... An in service date eight years from now seems wildly optimistic, especially considering the F22 took twelve years from first flight to being in service.

Least ye not forget that the JSF is supposed to replace the Harrier, the only VSToL aircraft and for one reason...

Harrier = Simple
JSF = Very complex

You mark my words, the JSF will spend more time on the ground than it will in the air...

[odin]

Well, there is the Russian Yak VTOL, but that's just a reverse-engineered Harrier I think.

[PMC]

bloodline wrote:

You've can of worms there!! Remember that the Phantoms were to replace the Buccaneer because it was old and sucked... And the Buccanners were given to the RAF who were still wating for the F-111 (the promise of an early delivery, caused the cancellation of the superior TSR-2 project)... Since the F-111 never materialised on time or at the promised price, the Buccaneers got new engines (The Spey?) and then proved to be rather good (but not as good as a TSR-2), and stayed in service until 10 years ago...

Yeah, the TSR2 was suddenly cancelled in 1965 with no warning, courtesy of the then Labour government.  Prototypes were to be immediately scrapped and design work was to be immediately destroyed.  At the same time Britain was negotiating for a substantial loan from the IMF.  The US threatened to veto the loan unless we bought American (the F111) and promised not to sell TSR2 to anyone.

Over in Germany, the Luftwaffe were quite excited by the Lightning project as they needed a short range, high performance interceptor.  BAC would have supplied the Germans a large number of Lightnings (still one of the fastest jets ever in service), which would in turn lead to further orders from other NATO countries.  

Luftwaffe staff were surprised when after being impressed by one British delegation selling the Lightning, another turned up to beg the Luftwaffe NOT to buy it!  Turned out the Americans didn't like us competing with the F104 Starfighter and put more financial pressure on us not to sell.

The Luftwaffe eventually settled for Starfighters, as did the Italians, Greeks, Turks, Spanish, Danish and Norwegians.

You want F*** Ups The MOD have got a whole history of them...

At least the Nimrod is pretty... well before they shoe horned in a radar system that was twice the size of the airframe... :roll:

Not just the MOD, we have had a fine tradition in employing gloriously inept beaurocrats too.

[bloodline]

odin wrote:
Well, there is the Russian Yak VTOL, but that's just a reverse-engineered Harrier I think.

Hmmm, Yeah the Yak-38 IIRC... banned from flying in the UK due to it burning holes in our Runways...

[bloodline]

Luftwaffe staff were surprised when after being impressed by one British delegation selling the Lightning, another turned up to beg the Luftwaffe NOT to buy it! Turned out the Americans didn't like us competing with the F104 Starfighter and put more financial pressure on us not to sell.

The Luftwaffe eventually settled for Starfighters, as did the Italians, Greeks, Turks, Spanish, Danish and Norwegians.

Hahahaha, that's right I had forgotten about that one... I was speaking with a Luftwaffe officer in... hmmm it was probably 1994-95, at Brize Norton, about the TRS2 project and he told me about the Starfighters which the Germans bought and then found were totally unsuitable for any role the Luftwaffe could find :lol:

Don't forget the Americans pulled the same trick on Canada, where Avro (of Canada) was developing a new fighter/bomber for a similar role to the TSR2, called the Arrow... but the Americans told them to stop and buy the F-111... that was the end of Avro :-(

[PMC]

bloodline wrote:

Hahahaha, that's right I had forgotten about that one... I was speaking with a Luftwaffe officer in...  he told me about the Starfighters which the Germans bought and then found were totally unsuitable for any role the Luftwaffe could find :lol:

Which is why a Mach 2 high altitude interceptor carried anti-ship missiles while in Luftwaffe service.

Don't forget the Americans pulled the same trick on Canada, where Avro (of Canada) was developing a new fighter/bomber for a similar role to the TSR2, called the Arrow... but the Americans told them to stop and buy the F-111... that was the end of Avro :-(

The Arrow was at least 10 - 15 years ahead of it's time.  Ultimately, it left Canada without a decent interceptor until they took delivery of the F18 in the 1980s.  As we all know, the only foreign customer for the F111 was Australia - who were a dead cert for either the TSR2 or the Buccaneer.