Liability Litigation; Alcohol Warnings

[Wolfe]

 Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion.

The following warning labels are placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

WARNING: the konsumshun of alcohol may Mack you tink you can tipe reel gud.


"Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos.

What you do today, might burn your a$$ tomorrow."  
 :lol:

[zudobug]

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

Yep, happened to me a few times. Thats my test to know when to stop drinking.

-zudo

[Speelgoedmannetje]

you forgot to state that it might make you think throwing empty casks of beer to each other is funny
or walking through the city with a broken foot, or with fleshwounds
Yup, it all happened.

[T_Bone]

zudobug wrote:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

Yep, happened to me a few times. Thats my test to know when to stop drinking.

-zudo

If I was looking for my bra and panties, I've already had WAY too much!  :lol:

[T_Bone]

Speelgoedmannetje wrote:
you forgot to state that it might make you think throwing empty casks of beer to each other is funny
or walking through the city with a broken foot, or with fleshwounds
Yup, it all happened.

Ouch?

STORY!!! :-P

[Speelgoedmannetje]

T_Bone wrote:

Speelgoedmannetje wrote:
you forgot to state that it might make you think throwing empty casks of beer to each other is funny
or walking through the city with a broken foot, or with fleshwounds
Yup, it all happened.

Ouch?

STORY!!! :-P

Three stories that is.
The one with the broken foot wasn't me, it was a friend of me, and I wasn't there at that moment. And yes, that throwing with casks of beer was really funny, no one got seriously wounded (well, it was more or less waking up next morning, with some minor scratches)
The fleshwound thing happened at a summer holiday last year, when we did some volunteering with scouting at a maritime event called Delfsail. In the evening, well, firstly we had a few beers, and later we went to our tents, then I couldn't see the edge of the pavement, wich resulted that I had to keep the wound clean the next days and had to deal with ppl making fun out of my mental state at that very moment :lol:

[whabang]

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

I don't wear any of those.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

I never whisper when I'm drunk; I sing!

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

I can't dance when I'm sober either.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again you love them

Friendship rules!

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

I can sing; it's just a matter of how well.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

Don't have any ex-lovers, so who cares! :-D

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

Female lamas spit first.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

No they're not. Falling is responsible for that.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

That's not an illusion! :-P

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you.

I'm good at telling groaners.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

Whoever wrote that ought to take some biology lessons.

WARNING: the konsumshun of alcohol may Mack you tink you can tipe reel gud.

Bobsonsirjohny? Is that you?

[MAD]

Hoya!

@Zudobug

You are like snails, haermaphrodite? ;-)

@Speel

Loooooool! :-D

Alcohol sucks.

Be funky

M A D

[Speelgoedmannetje]

hm, ripping off clothes has also happened (nothing indecent, though)

[PMC]

Jeez...

Maybe beer cans out to have a cigarette style legend in a large typeface:

WARNING: EXCESSIVE CONSUMPTION MAY LOWER STANDARDS.  GET A SECOND OPINION BEFORE COPPING OFF

 :-D