I've found a million posts on what the available options are and the drama that it caused, but nothing on what users actually want.
For a new storage device driver, which of the two give the best software compatibility and user experience?
TD64 is supported by Phase 5, DKB and GuruROMs, so being compatible to those is a pretty safe bet.
NSD is the OS3.5 and 3.9 standard.
So which one do you want?
My humble suggestion is to support both. The thing is that the functionality common between the different command sets is so large that it's a small effort to increase your chances of producing software which will work with whatever client software there is.
The political dimension of the TD64/NSD schism was a thing to behold, and mourn, since it obscured the fact that both approaches have weaknesses that could have been resolved (or at least mitigated) in a less caustic atmosphere.
For example, testing whether a driver supports TD64/NSD can produce inconclusive results. Because of shoddy device driver implementation practices in the 1980'ies and 1990'ies you also ran a risk to crash the device driver during the TD64/NSD command testing.
Needless to say, none of these issues were ever resolved. Not just because of the caustic atmosphere created, but also because these were really hard problems to resolve in the first place (which in turn was not helped by the caustic atmosphere: brains were more engaged in hurting the other guy than in chipping away at the problem -- I guess because the one thing is tremendous fun for all ages, and the other is work).
In my own client and driver software, I have always supported both TD64 and NSD. It's reasonably simple to do, and I was just absolutely sick of the TD64 vs NSD matter.
Don't let yourself get drawn into the same old sinkhole. It's dark down there, and very hard to get back to the light...