Why do you converse?

[HenryCase]

In the interests of balance I thought I would post here. Whilst I agree that conversation can be enjoyable, I find myself unable to fully enjoy it. The small talk side of conversation, whilst it does serve a purpose, can be something people feel trapped by, not confident in expressing anything deeper. This in turn reduces the perceived value of conversation, discouraging people from breaking free of small talk, and meaning important facets of the person you are speaking to become lost.

I may be an isolated case, but I thought my opinions were worth sharing anyway.

[HenryCase]

motorollin wrote:
I wasn't asking only about "small talk", but also about meaningful conversation.

motorollin wrote:
I don't mean communicating with others with some intent, such as sharing or requesting information, rather "small-talk".

Perhaps "small talk" needs a clearer definition. Is "small talk" meaningless conversation or all non-practical conversation?

motorollin wrote:
Interesting points though! I agree that "small talk" can be inhibiting, but it can also be a good starting point for conversation until people find something more personal in common about which to talk.

What if that 'find something more personal' point didn't arrive? Would the "small talk" journey still be worthwhile if it didn't have a deeper conversation conclusion?

[HenryCase]

Karlos wrote:

HenryCase wrote:

What if that 'find something more personal' point didn't arrive? Would the "small talk" journey still be worthwhile if it didn't have a deeper conversation conclusion?

If you expect to gain some enriching experience from everything you do then a spot of quirky chitchat about nothing in particular is going to leave you wanting. I've known a few people like that over the years and all of them had social interaction problems since their inability to engage in smalltalk meant people found them unapproachable.

Personally I don't mind a bit of idle chat. It's usually relaxing and often good fun. That should be reason enough for it :-)

You misunderstand me. Not wishing to boast but I'm very good at idle chit chat, can start a conversation with absolutely anyone (and do so often, I am frequently the person that breaks the ice).

So it's not a lack of confidence in small talk, but I find as I can completely rely on idle chit chat to get me through social situations I hardly ever get to discuss matters which mean more to me, and lack confidence in opening up.

Does that make sense?

[HenryCase]

motorollin wrote:
I'm interested more in the conversation which occurs for no pre-defined purpose other than for the sake of talking. This could be defined as small-talk I suppose.

Hope that clears up my earlier contradiction :-)

Yes it does, conversation for conversation's sake, right?! :-)

motorollin wrote:

HenryCase wrote:
What if that 'find something more personal' point didn't arrive? Would the "small talk" journey still be worthwhile if it didn't have a deeper conversation conclusion?

Well there's obviously no right or wrong answer to that. Personally, if I don't have some goal in mind when speaking to somebody and if I don't find anything to talk to them about other than mundane chit-chat like the weather then I usually attempt to politely end the interaction as rapidly as possible.

I wasn't really trying to look for an absolute right or wrong answer, but merely trying to illustrate how those (like myself) who have the skills to engage in idle chit chat do not always enjoy the process as they feel , even though they can make others laugh, etc... that the effort is pointless as they do not get to enjoy more meaningful side of conversation, and therefore start treating all conversation as a chore rather than experiencing the particular type of joy found in trivial conversation.

[HenryCase]

motorollin wrote:

HenryCase wrote:
So it's not a lack of confidence in small talk, but I find as I can completely rely on idle chit chat to get me through social situations I hardly ever get to discuss matters which mean more to me, and lack confidence in opening up.

Forgive me for being a little presumptuous, but it sounds to me like you may be using small-talk as a defence mechanism. Small-talk is inconsequential so is easy if you practice it enough, but really opening up is much harder if you lack the confidence to do it.

Abso-f*cking-lutely, that is exactly what I am trying to say, in that small talk is used for different purposes with different people.

[HenryCase]

motorollin wrote:

HenryCase wrote:
Abso-f*cking-lutely, that is exactly what I am trying to say, in that small talk is used for different purposes with different people.

And it's exactly those purposes I'm trying to understand :-)

So now you know three reasons why people do it, to form a bond with people around them, to get laid, to hide their true personality. Quite varied reasons, right?! :-D