Time travel - by coach!

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Noooooooooo the attack of the lung oysters!

Dammit, I had that one, with the body pains and sore head recently. It was a right bugger, I tell you.
I don't know what you can do to sort that. The only thing that helped me was a bottle of Irish Mist and some codeine syrup. The problem with that, is that you will be dopey and will have to compensate by drinking V.

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@ Karlos

I just spoke to our top respiratory physician at the hospital, and he has given me some information to give to you.
What you have there is a bacterial infection caused by a strain of broccococcus. Basically it is from eating too much broccoli.
But don't worry, there is a cure: you must eat 50 Brussels sprouts, one after the other, very quickly. That kills the infection.

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That lurgy is a bad one, my friends. Break out the Irish Mist, it is your only hope. It is the modern day Medicinal Compound(TM)

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@ Karlos

If you can't have alcohol, then I suggest a few drops of friar's balsam in a bowl of boiled water. Just inhale those vapours, you will feel better.
Make sure you get the drops, not the cream. Here is the description for the topical application:

Can be used as an antiseptic and protectant to minor cuts and abrasions, chapped skin and lips, cracked nipples, small fissures of skin and anus, bedsores, indolent ulcers, herpes simplex, and gingivitis. Can relieve itching of chilblains, eczema, and urticaria.

 ;-)

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Of course, if you have been coughing violently, you may well have suffered cracked nipples and small fissures of the anus, in which case you should get the cream too  :-P