Dear Aussies....

[X-ray]

Firstly, Happy Australia Day (well it is belated if you are in Oz, but not if you are in London)  :-P

I have good news and I have bad news. The bad news is that my boys in SA lost their first cricket test series to England at home, in 40 years. The poms are gloating here in England. I apologise for my countrymens' inability to avert that shame.
The good news: you Aussies have gained a whole SHED load of new supporters for the Ashes clash coming up. That's right, I have discussed this with my fellow saffers here in the UK and we have decided that Australia is no longer the Sporting Country We Love To Hate. No, sir. We have all been to the tattoo parlours and got our Aussie flag tattoos on our left buttocks. We will be supporting you with gusto!

Signed: X-ray (and millions of other bitter saffers)

[X-ray]

As gracious as a pit-bull chewing on a wasp while his scrotum is trapped in a waffle-maker   :-P

[X-ray]

It works on that level too...I certainly ain't perrrrty

[X-ray]

Whew, that's a harsh one. I hope 'Y' didn't hear it  :lol:

[X-ray]

Eh? The quote seems like he was talking about 'Y' to another person. Ah well,it matters not, the point is 'Y' appears to have been less than discerning in his choice of temporary partners...

Back on the subject of Aussies, we have quite a few at work, including one absolute stunner. There was a karaoke evening and a few of the Aussies and some of the locals went along for the evening. The stunner (who we will call 'C') got tipsy and sang a few songs. One of the other girls remarked:

" 'C' has a voice like a goose farting in the fog"

[X-ray]

"...Something tells me that even if someone new were to think that, they'd consider keeping it to themselves..."

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He he he...that little 'iron' is a chav deterrent, a damn good one too. I should see if it can be hired out - special discount for A.org users.

[X-ray]

Ha ha ha...me is a tit, me is a tit...

And here I was thinking it was done to protect someone's identity  :oops:

[X-ray]

 :lol:

I just keep on digging, don't I?

Dammit....GO AUSSIES!!!!!!!!! :-P

[X-ray]

No it wasn't that, it was because you were one step ahead of me all along...just like your boys in the cricket. I was being pseudo-sour.

[X-ray]

 :lol:

That has to be the most foul-sounding takeaway ever!

[X-ray]

@ Bodie

What Karlos said.


@ PMC

Well, you have to take the Honorary Saffer Test:

1) Do you absolutely LOVE all kinds of biltong?
2) Do you know what Mrs Balls' chutney is?
3) Have you 'dipped 'n Ouma?'
4) Have you been called a moffie at least once at school?
5) Have you used at least one of these interjections: jurra, jislaaik, jinna, jussus, vokkit, doos, or poes?


If you answered yes to all 5 of those, you can be an honorary saffer, and you are expected to get a tattoo (temporary, mind you) of the Australian flag on your left buttock. Your right buttock, will of course, already have a tattoo of a springbuck.

edit:

6) Have you enjoyed a koeksuster and a melktert?

[X-ray]

Okay, you're in !!!  :-D

(But you should really Dip 'n Ouma (tm) )

lol @ calling the cat over. "Here, poes, here poes"

"..Being a non meat eater for some time I doubt I'll ever appreciate the virtues of Biltong, although as I eat poultry, Ostrich Biltong isn't out of the question..."

When I went over to SA last year, I tried Kalahari Chicken Biltong, seasoned with lemon and pepper. It was really good. The dry wors ostrich sticks are good too. But Kudu is the daddy.

[X-ray]

Ja, boerewors (rough translation : farmer's sausage) is a REQUIREMENT at a braai. You can get very nice quality boerewors with little fat and nice spices inside. I miss that.

But the best is a beach braai, or a 'beach barbie' as the Aussies call it. I was reminiscing about the various things we all miss about home and the beach braai is something the Aussies and we saffers really miss. I remember one afternoon we had a beach braai and one guy went out amongst the rocks and came back with a load of mussels which went straight onto the braai. You don't get fresher than that!!

[X-ray]

@ Toy Boy

Ja, it is. And like many of the Dutch-derivative 'delicasies' it is really nice. There is a thing called 'skilpadjies' too. The original skilpadjie ('tortoise') is minced liver wrapped in lard, but the version I have is lamb mince and spices, wrapped in a thin layer of beef and cheese (almost like a beef olive). It is like this (puts finger tips together and touches them to mouth, eyes closed)

[X-ray]

Ja, I would like to bowl a skilpadjie or two on 'Freddy' Flintoff's noggin !!!

Go AUSSIES!!!!!!

/me starts pacing up and down, waiting for justice....