You're all overlooking the most insidious and evil cause of this whole affair - SHAMPOO.
Yes, that's right. This hair cosmetic hasn't just got a silly random name, its name is actually made of two English words, SHAM and POO. Sham in that doesn't really care for your hair, and poo because it is made of PURE HUMAN ORDURE. When you wash your hair your putting POO ON YOUR HEAD!!!
The cumulative effective of lathering with this evil fertiliser-based concoction is affecting our minds, slowly taking over our thoughts. If half the community are nasty, stirring negative trolls and the other half are sickening apologist sycophants, it's SHAMPOOS FAULT!!!
How can we tackle this shampoo threat?? Well, there are ways:
1) Go for the billiard ball look. This will totally remove any need for "sham-poo". Bald men claim to be far more intelligent and virile than their lesser hairy brethren. Unfortunately can get you called Dr. Evil or other such names.
2) Don't wash your hair at all. Unfortunately this has the gradual side-effect of turning people into anti-capitalism protesters, especially if coupled with the wearing of orange anoraks. This could be worse in many ways.
3) Wash your hair with sulphuric acid. If dilute enough, this will not destroy your hair or indeed your head, but will cleanse your hair of all dirt. If too concentrated, it is possible that the blood will help dilute it anyway. Either way its a win-win situation.
This community is under threat, and the question remains, how long will it be before YOU do anything about it??
