Starting Over (or, "Punkie Does America")

[KennyR]

PMC wrote:
Maybe the US isn't as chav free as we all think. It's a possiblity that they have a different class of chav there instead. Maybe you could write "The Worldwide Guide to Chav Spotting"?

The essential prop for chavdom, the bountiful welfare state, is missing in the states. Single mums there work 16 hours a day to feed and educate their kids. Single ned mums here burp out babies every 9 months and the social pays for those kids until they die of heart disease 50 years later, having gone through all the petty crime, cheap gold, and shouting at complete strangers near McDonalds phases.

[KennyR]

A nedette single mum? I'd rather shag a jumpstart battery.

[KennyR]

Well, at least with the jumpstart battery I get the shock there and then, not the next time I pee.

[KennyR]

T_Bone wrote:
Well, we have a slightly different system here. Here, you must manipulate the CSEU to achieve the same lifestyle after having several children to different fathers and collecting 26% of each fathers income.

We have the same system here, but it never works, because

a) The girls rarely know who the father is

b) Even if they do, it's a dead cert he's unemployed and has no income anyway.

So the welfare system takes the burden. Sad really, that so many good people campaigned to make the welfare state the end of starving and disease ridden unemployed, and its abused so systematically and blythely.

Oh, and did I mention that here, single mums are very rarely actually single? Live with a boyfriend, pay no rent, no tax, and the boyfriend has an empty house (also no rent, no tax) sitting empty while people are homeless.

Not surprised TPG wants to leave, actually.

[KennyR]

Not my best friend. Dogs are intensely irritating, noisy, over-excitable, stinking animals. My family's hasn't grown out of its "bark constantly whenever nobody is in the room" phase, and that and its carpet-licking and its penchant for coating my windows with mucus, is really not making me a friend of the animal. Not many women do that.

[KennyR]

Certain. Whoever's idea it was to domesticate dogs should be reincarnated, dragged out into the street, forced to drink dog slobber, then shot.

[KennyR]

Cyberus wrote:
A dog will be genuinely pleased to see you when you walk through the door...

...as will the neighbours, as chances are it will have whined and barked solid every second you've been gone.

...a dog will defend you if it thinks you are being attacked...

I consider dogs more of a danger in my area than people!

...a dog will know when you are upset.

..and promptly do its best to try to comfort you by covering you in saliva, or by attempting coitus with a lower extremity.

And they really do stink. Catshit might stink, but cats don't carry that stink around with them. Dogs stink, always. The places they sleep stink. The houses they live in stink. Even the people who keep them sometimes stink of them.

But that doesn't mean that TPG isn't attached to his, even if it does possibly make him a bit stinky.