How do I stop a noisy neighbour??

[mr_a500]

I need help urgently. I'm living in an apartment and the neighbour above plays super-loud deep bass music and makes lots of other annoying loud hammering noises. It is driving me insane. Earplugs don't work. Loud fans don't work. Nothing blocks the noise. It has been going on for months.

I went upstairs and politely asked him to turn down the bass (not even the volume, just the bass) and told him it was shaking my apartment. He instantly became a total ass and I had to use all my effort to avoid pounding him and getting charged with assault. When I left, he even turned it up.

I called the police and they said my best option was for me to move out! They said they'd send an officer around to ask him to turn it down. I waited 6 hours and nobody came. He finally turned off the music at 3:00AM. Even if the police did come, he'd probably turn it back up when they left.

I need to find a way to stop the jerk. Unfortunately in Canada we have laws against murder, so that's out. I can't think of a way to stop him without me ending up in jail or fined in court. I have no mafia connections that could help. What can I do? What can I do???

HELP!

[mr_a500]

@X-ray
The problem is that the other neigbours don't want to complain. They are all recent immigrants (GTA area is now filled with foreigners) and don't want to get involved.

Or you could mail him a 'free music CD' that contains a sequence of maximum intensity spikes in an attempt to blow his speakers...

Oooh...very creative. I doubt it would work though. I was considering other plans like squirting a foul-smelling liquid through his mail slot or thowing eggs through his open window, but the problem is that now he would instantly suspect me and retaliate somehow. I now wish I didn't complain so I could do things without being suspected, but I foolishly thought it would be better to reason with him. "Never attempt to reason with a fool."

I also considered getting into a "sound war" by buying a super sub-woofer setup, but I would end up disturbing other neighbours. I wish there was a way to have directional sound. I'd like to pump maximum volume directly at his head and make it explode!

[mr_a500]

Turn his power off.

That was my first plan. Unfortunately this is an apartment and there are no individual meters. The only way to shut off his power would be to open the power panel for the entire floor. It's locked and right out in the open. Even if I could get it open, that's the first place they'd check to turn it back on. (...and I'd be suspected and charged)

[mr_a500]

Can you complain to the Landlord or Rental Office?

We recently got a new superintendent and he plays super-loud deep bass too! I doubt he'd be sympathetic. I bet if I complain to the Landlord and threaten to move, he'd be only too happy. There's a rental shortage and they'd be able to increase the rent for the next tenant.

It looks like moving IS my only option. There should be more laws to protect people from extreme noise made by inconsiderate morons. Why should I have to move because somebody wants to blast a stereo?

What has happened to society? In the old days, the loudest noise somebody could make was their own drunken singing and you could block out the noise or threaten to fight them to stop it. Now in modern society, they can make noises louder than a jet engine and there's no way to stop them. A simple punch will send you to jail and give you a criminal record, ruining your life. Modern life sucks.

Blow up the powerhouse next to your apartment

I'd knock out the power to the whole city with an electromagnetic pulse if I could.

[mr_a500]

You could always file a private nuisance lawsuit against this guy, which seeks to gain reimbursement for the rent you paid for a property you have been prevented by him from using and enjoying.

I'll look into that. You're probably thinking of US laws and in Canada it'll be different. Here, it's expensive and painfully tedious to file lawsuits. The legal system seems set up to make money, not enforce justice. In the end, it'll probably turn out to be an extreme waste of time, effort and money. And how could I prove anything? I'd need some kind of decibel meter, witnesses and recorded audio with timestamps.

[mr_a500]

There is still the person living above me now (not to mention the poofters who are a couple of doors away...) however I've spoken to a person from the real estate, and they're going to be kicked out on the 31st!!

Nice work! I'm happy for you. I hope I'll have such luck. Unfortunately, from experience I doubt it.

I wonder if you could rent a jackhammer, take off a ceiling fan or light fixture, or somehow temporarily expose one of his floor joists, hang the jackhammer from the joist and run it for a minute or so, just enough to shake all his dishes from his cupboards, the crap off his tables, and the pictures from his walls. Maybe do this while his bass is booming.

Surprisingly enough, I have already thought of this exact thing. I decided against it because of the severe damage it would cause to my own apartment. I did take some 20lb weights and slam them against the ceiling about 30 times, but the only effect was a bunch of dents in the ceiling. The neighbour's noise continued.

Unreasonable people are just begging for a Mel Gibson style response.

I was dreaming of a Matrix-style response. Oh, I would be soooo happy if I could get a helicopter with a gattling gun. I can imagine the helicopter slowly lowering to the apartment, then "pfffffffffffft...chink..chink..pfffffffffft!" (..and so on)

Don't know why the Canadian authorities don't want to act, as it is their job to keep the peace.

Canadian authorities don't care about keeping the peace. They only care about arresting everybody after the peace has gone to hell. Besides, their #1 function is to hand out speeding tickets. That's where the real money is.

[mr_a500]

How about the EPA?

EPA? What's that? "Environmental Protection Agency"? That's an American agency, not Canadian. And what does that have to do with sound disturbances?

[mr_a500]

I wasn't being sarcastic - just asking questions. I appreciate your help. :-)

As far as I know, there is no equivalent in Canada (for noise). The EPA equivalent would probably be the Ministry of the Environment. They deal mostly with pollution.

[mr_a500]

I would just go round to their property and threaten them with physical violence if they continue to piss me off.

I already did that. The jerk knows that if I even sneeze in his direction, I can be charged with assault. That's what makes it so insanely frustrating.

[mr_a500]

Just tell Atheist that Bill Buck is hiding out at ....

I considered calling police and telling them that the guy was a big-time drug dealer or that I saw a huge weapons cache. It would be a nice little inconvenience for him to have police rip his stuff apart searching. Sadly, because I already called police, they might suspect me when they found nothing in the searches.

white noise?

No, white noise does absolutely nothing for deep bass. Deep bass goes through concrete without even losing volume (higher sounds get blocked). I have an industrial sized fan and I had it on maximum. Along with this, I had the most powerful earplugs on the market and at the same time, large headphones playing my own music loudly. I can still hear his deep bass as if I was in his living room. Each beat is like a punch to the stomach. (I wouldn't mind if each beat I was punching HIM in the stomach)

[mr_a500]

How about a dirty-power generator?

Interesting. I was thinking of something like that. I'd have to have something pretty powerful and it would affect the whole apartment.

I wish I could invent a portable device that would screw up speakers within a 1km radius. The problem is to do that I would need to create some kind of magnetic disturbance... or create a rupture in the fabric of space/time. I don't care if I might cause the end of the universe as we know it... as long as I get some quiet. ;-)

I only hope that years of Tory government in Ontario haven't destroyed every trace of civil rights...

Too late. Ontario after Mike Harris (Tory leader) is like Iraq after the invasion (well..almost). I have been personally screwed by Tory government changes. And yes, they even changed the Tenant Rights Agreement... for the worse.

I was actually thinking of moving to Quebec. Maybe I will when my French is better. I know they don't look too kindly on people with poor French over there.

[mr_a500]

Update:

I just talked to the superintendent and found out that the jerk above me has filed a complaint about ME! He wrote a completely false story about what happened. I couldn't believe it. I must say some people just don't deserve to live.

report him to the TV lisencing, council tax , benefit fraud? IRS? people, the list is endless.

I'm in Canada so there's no TV lisencing, council tax or IRS (the IRS equivalent is Revenue Canada... just typing it makes me shudder and break out in a cold sweat). I've already considered lots of similar stuff. I know his name and phone number (and address obviously). I just don't know what I can do that would result in him moving out.

The only thing I can think of at the moment is some kind of horrible smear campaign like printing off a thousand pages and putting them all around the city saying there is a known child molester at that address (with picture and name). People would protest, then he'd be forced to move to avoid the harrassment. I think this is a little too drastic though. ;-) Even my "noise induced insanity" can't push me that far.

See, a simple "gentlemanly duel" would solve the problem quickly and easily, but we live in a "civilized" society now. (it would be even more quick and easy if people weren't such inconsiderate assholes)

[mr_a500]

Just hope that your 'superintendent' has the sense to actually investigate what's going on, rather than just take anybodies word for it.

Unfortunately, he has no sense whatsoever. He's just a lazy moron trying to get by with as little work as possible. You can pinpoint when this building started to go downhill at the exact moment he took over. I think it's time to move. (I dread moving... I've got VERY heavy furniture)

[mr_a500]

That's why I said this:

I think this is a little too drastic though. Even my "noise induced insanity" can't push me that far.