Broccoli does it again!

[mr_a500]

Ha, what poppycock, bilge, fiddle and fuss!
 
Half you scallywags wouldn't know an honest vegetable if it rose up out of the ground and ensconced itself in your lower colon!
When broccoli was at the crossroads of the evolutionary choice between dinosaur snot and flea pustules, sprouts had already taken over the realm of all flora as the most nutritious vegetable there is. In fact it is in homage to this great vegetable that even your own testicles have attempted to emulate their shape. The last thing I saw that looked like a broccoli, dear sir, was a purulent oozing venereal scab on the labia majora of a woman of ill repute!
 
And as for asparagus...ha! A most foul vegetable, with no merit, no substance, and a tendency to resemble a limp boiled squid's penis. I have to ask you, sir, what sort of nefarious chicanery you are imbued with, by championing such a vile, reeking tendril of pus?
 
Nay, I say verily...all else is twaddle, fiddlesticks and high jinx dipped in buffoonery.
The sprout is king and that is all there is to it. Let he who wants to be the first to experience an awakened existence, admit to all here that he has been saved by the sprout!

What ineffable twaddle. You, sir, are a blackguard. I shall report you to the local constabulary for that.

[mr_a500]

I must shamefully admit that I've had a... (ahem)... broccoli failure. Yes, that's right. Surprisingly, it is possible to have broccoli failures. I call it "premature floweration". It happens when the head of the broccoli... bursts (or ejaculates) into flowers before it's supposed to. Well, this happened to me, I'm sorry to say. Four of my broccoli plants are now small and useless. (as useless as a limp dick)

Luckily, I've got another batch coming up that have nice big... heads. I've got big hopes for them.


(Note: I'm not even joking.)

[mr_a500]

I found out why my broccoli wasn't doing well... not enough RAM. So I plugged in an A501, and that fixed it right up. That extra RAM really makes a difference. The broccoli only has a 68000, but I'm looking to get an accelerator.



Here's the reason the other broccoli failed - damn thing's running Windows. (actually, I believe it's Winbroc 95)



(These are actual pictures of my broccoli.)

[mr_a500]

Hate to be a party pooper, but the original post by mr a500 said he used a Broccoli tag then a rubber band off some Broccoli. So, shouldn't we start praising plastic vegetable tags and rubber bands from all types of fruit?!

Without the broccoli, these items wouldn't have been created in the first place. Clever scientists sat back and said, "Damn, we need something to hold this broccoli together - and fast - or we're in for a load of shit." So they put the ebola cure on hold and got to work.

You try fastening a hard drive with a carrot elastic. See how far that gets you.

[mr_a500]

I don't want to alarm anybody, but something scary has happened... very scary indeed. My broccoli has turned... purple! I'm not joking - this is an actual unaltered picture:



I've heard of a variety of broccoli that is purple, but this is a green broccoli that went purple. I think it has to do with the purple cabbage that surrounds it. Some of my green cabbage went a bit pink too. (the purple cabbage was always purple )

Notice the broccoli piece on the left. It has purple "veins" and purple top. On the right is a relatively non-purpled green broccoli piece from a broccoli plant that was farther away from the purple cabbage:


I ate all these broccoli last night for supper (except a few I kept for Amiga hardware upgrades). If I turn purple, I'll let you know.

[mr_a500]

From my experience growing other plants, if they go purple it can be a sign of root rot or frostbite. I didn't grow broccoli though.

You didn't grow any broccoli?! Shocking. Did those sprout people get to you too?

No, it's not frostbite. They started going purple when it was still 20°C. It's not root rot either. This is good, well drained soil (one of the best vegetable growing areas in all of Canada) and it hasn't rained that much. There are broccoli plants in gardens on either side of this one that are completely green.

Broccoli periogies anyone,

hey instead of potato pancakes, how about broccoli pancakes.

Will all this go good with beer?

I like broccoli and I like perogies, but if I found broccoli inside a perogie, I'd probably scream and whip it out the nearest window. (then dive for cover before it exploded... all in slow motion, of course)

Beer? Broccoli doesn't go with beer! Are you crazy? You need a fine wine - a cabernet sauvignon (from 2001 or 2005... or at least before the "25 questions from Bill McEwen"). Then you need to light some candles, sit back in a velvet Victorian smoking jacket (doesn't matter if you don't smoke) and make bland witty comments in a pompous British accent. At least that's how I do it.