Broccoli does it again!

[mr_a500]

Back in 1991 the little button on my A500 for removing floppies broke and for years I had to push a pen (or something) in to remove disks. Then a couple years ago I saw a little tie tab on a bunch of broccoli that was the exact size and shape of the broken button and decided to try it. It fit perfectly snugly and has been working great ever since!

A couple months ago I bought a new HD to put in my A500 on my Viper card. Unfortunately, the screw holes on new harddrives does not match with holes on the old ones. So, I tried to attach it with rubber bands, but they either didn't fit or were too thin&stretched and broke when the HD got hot. I just got a thick rubber band off a bunch of broccoli and it is the EXACT size to keep the HD in place without crushing anything or having to double-loop.

Broccoli - is there anything it can't do?

[mr_a500]

Some people look at broccoli and see only flatulence.... others (like me!) look at broccoli and see Amiga solutions...

;-) :idea: :laugh:

[mr_a500]

Someone once said they "bottled a fart that poisoned half of Dublin". Well, I've heard of a fart that shattered all the windows in central Toronto (not really). The shockwave ripped through town faster than the speed of smell. In the outlying rural areas, grazing herds of sheep were so startled that some sheep attempted to climb the trees in a vain attempt to escape the sound.

[mr_a500]

You can get my special non-yellowing broccoli spears on eBay under 'everything else'.

What's your secret? My broccoli always starts going yellow after a couple years. I tried bleach and other cleansers, but they just don't work. Dang! Isn't that always the case? You buy good broccoli and expect it to stay the same colour for years, but then it goes yellow on you. I kept it away from smoke and everything! I know it doesn't affect the function of the broccoli, but it just looks bad and affects the resale value.

[mr_a500]

I hate to tell everyone, but I've been to the dark side.

I had some cauliflower for lunch

Cauliflower - pfffft! Maybe cauliflower will work on MorphOS, but it sure as hell can't fix an Amiga. Cauliflower is just a broccoli wannabe. (...silently munches some broccoli in disgust)

[mr_a500]

Is broccoli as good as pancakes?

What? You can't be serious. The most you can do with a pancake is maybe use it as a mouse pad - and I use a trackball! Come on - pancakes aren't even a vegetable!

(...checks food chart...)

Oh, wait a minute! According to my Proctor and Gamble food chart, pancakes are indeed a vegetable. My mystake.

[mr_a500]

You walk in to a computerstore with your broken Amiga:

'Sir, your computer is full of carrots?'

'Yeah I know, I didn't have any broccoli'

:lol:

Seriously, those broccoli parts (floppy button and HD elastic - not actual broccoli pieces) are still working fine in my Amiga. If you look carefully, you can see them here. (...the carrots are under the keyboard :-D)

By the way, if your broccoli has gone yellow and you want it white you can just paint it. Don't bother with bleaches, just spray on a primer and use some white paint - no worries about yellow broccoli again. My broccoli now looks shiny and brand new. ;-)

[mr_a500]

@mr_a500, you are the most hardcore 500 user around. Is this your current setup? It's very cool.
How much broccoli do you actauly eat? I bet you grow the stuff!
I feel like smoking some broccoli!

Yes, that's my current setup, but I went back to my old 56K modem. The newer one - like most new (non-broccoli) computer parts - was crap and died after a few months.

I eat broccoli about once or twice a week. There's a broccoli farm (or "grow-operation") near my house. It's legal to smoke broccoli in Canada, but most people don't because it's too difficult to ignite.

[mr_a500]

And under the carrots is an old foot-powered sewing machine mechanism. You must have a generator attached to the flywheel belt! Impressive, the only human powered self-imaging Amiga 500 in North America!

Ah.. you noticed. Yeah, I had to go manual because I used the sewing machine motor to power my Volkswagen Bug.

Oh no.... power dying.... must... keep... pushing.... :-D

[mr_a500]

@JaXanim

Yes, of course. You're right. Somehow I had forgotten about broccoli history. I don't know why. Like all Canadians, I took a broccoli history class in school when I was young. I still have my old text book "A History of Modern Broccoli".

Few people know that the expression "May a smile be your umbrella" is derived from the old expression, "May a broccoli be your umbrella". Back in the middle ages, broccoli was much bigger and people actually used them as umbrellas. Unfortunately, these large broccoli pieces were very heavy to carry around and many people got horribly injured in "broccoli accidents" when they got tired and dropped it. The mechanical umbrella was then invented and this usage thankfully died out.

It's strange to think that it was only in the computer age that broccoli's true usefulness was discovered.

[mr_a500]

The elastic that I used from a bunch of broccoli finally broke recently... but you know what I did? I got an elastic from another piece of broccoli and everything is fine again.

[mr_a500]

The benefits have been known for a long time, as this fully original work (before the neer do well sproutist order had the broccoli painted out)

That's just typical! Damn those revisionist sproutists! I KNEW there must have been a broccoli there originally! (based on the broccoli shaped discolouration around the hand)

There's probably a Da Vinci Code-style conspiracy and cover-up that would blow your mind! It's blowing my mind right now and I am SO mad about it. (...for some reason)

[mr_a500]

I must have been psychologically influenced or something because this year I started a large garden and I'm actually growing broccoli. (...no wait... I'm getting confused... am I growing the broccoli.. or is it growing me??)

[mr_a500]

Ha, what poppycock, bilge, fiddle and fuss!
 
Half you scallywags wouldn't know an honest vegetable if it rose up out of the ground and ensconced itself in your lower colon!
When broccoli was at the crossroads of the evolutionary choice between dinosaur snot and flea pustules, sprouts had already taken over the realm of all flora as the most nutritious vegetable there is. In fact it is in homage to this great vegetable that even your own testicles have attempted to emulate their shape. The last thing I saw that looked like a broccoli, dear sir, was a purulent oozing venereal scab on the labia majora of a woman of ill repute!
 
And as for asparagus...ha! A most foul vegetable, with no merit, no substance, and a tendency to resemble a limp boiled squid's penis. I have to ask you, sir, what sort of nefarious chicanery you are imbued with, by championing such a vile, reeking tendril of pus?
 
Nay, I say verily...all else is twaddle, fiddlesticks and high jinx dipped in buffoonery.
The sprout is king and that is all there is to it. Let he who wants to be the first to experience an awakened existence, admit to all here that he has been saved by the sprout!

What ineffable twaddle. You, sir, are a blackguard. I shall report you to the local constabulary for that.

[mr_a500]

I must shamefully admit that I've had a... (ahem)... broccoli failure. Yes, that's right. Surprisingly, it is possible to have broccoli failures. I call it "premature floweration". It happens when the head of the broccoli... bursts (or ejaculates) into flowers before it's supposed to. Well, this happened to me, I'm sorry to say. Four of my broccoli plants are now small and useless. (as useless as a limp dick)

Luckily, I've got another batch coming up that have nice big... heads. I've got big hopes for them.


(Note: I'm not even joking.)