Heaven beside you, Hell within!

[Dr_Righteous]

...and I do mean HELL within.

So I'm sitting here, at war with my own brain and body... Wondering what the hell I was thinking by starting smoking. For 25 years (well, minus my early childhood of course), I swore up and down I'd never start.

Of course that was before I had heard of clove cigarettes. A gateway drug if I've ever seen one. Smelled great, tasted great, smoked smooth. Eventually, due to cost, I moved to regular ol' menthol cigarettes (still couldn't stand smoking unflavored).

As of 01/01/07, the great state of Texas has decided to add on another $1 per pack tax on cigarettes, to offset property taxes... In an effort to raise more education funding.

Having wished I'd never started in the first place, knowing it's had ill effects on my health, and would probably shorten my life... And realizing that my pack-a-day habit would now cost me over $100 a month, just to harm myself... I decide to quit.

This is not an attempt to quit. As master Yoda says, "do or do not, there is no try." One must have absolutely no room for waivering when you decide to quit, otherwise you're simply not ready, and you're just wasting your time. Cuz let me tell you... Not even broken bones cause as much agony as nicotine withdrawls. A broken heart is more tolerable. I can't imagine any torture on the planet more horrific than the confusion, the numbness, the panic, the anger and rage, the lack of control of your emotions, the lethargy, the spikes of "ants in your pants" energy that come and go... Making you feel like flipping out like the rival anchor from Bruce Almighty. It's truely hell within.

To those of you out there who don't smoke, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT STARTING! Don't touch them! Not even ONE! Cuz eventually you will be in my shoes. "Oh I just smoke maybe one or two a month... A week... A day... An hour. Oops.

Everyone who smokes, at some point at least, wants to quit. And this, what I'm going through right now, is what you face. A demon only the strongest of wills can slay. The stop-smoking patches, and pills and candies... They're like a fine sword. YOU still have to face the demon, no matter how fine your sword is.

Why am I writing all of this? Just trying to vent. Gotta keep up the fight. $100 a month can go a long way towards my Amiga habit! Eight or nine months of not smoking could buy me a CSPPC!

[Dr_Righteous]

Well day three has gone much better than the other two.

I discovered shortly after writing the original post just how effective the patches are. See, I had taken mine off at about 9:00. By 10:00 I was ready for the looney bin. Popped a fresh patch on, and in a matter of minutes I was a new man!

I'm only getting brief flashes of madness now... But a new demon has arisen. Now I'm fighting my thoughts! "I miss smoking... I liked smoking." To which I have to reassure myself that it's not true.

So I went to the store today, and now I have a new weapon. A 5 pound bag of Jolly Ranchers!

@Van_M

I started out that way. Last smoke at night before bed. It was also the last one I owned. Tried it a few days before, but having them around was too big a temptation.

My next challenge is beating my 3 week record. I tried quitting before, made it three weeks before deciding it'd be best to smoke before someone died. Of course, I was also working as a security guard outside of a Wal-Mart. Might have had something to do with it!

Again, I urge those who smoke not to bother trying to quit untill you are absolutely 100% committed. If you have even the slightest doubt about you ability to do it, it's not worth the torture as you WILL fail. I recommend psyching yourself up untill you're so pissed off about smoking you'd tear the head off the devil to do it.

Well, time for a smoke break.... no, No, NO!!!!!! NEVER AGAIN!!!!

[Dr_Righteous]

@X-ray

Eww. I think I'll pass on the rotten body parts.

I'm not sure which part was worse... Fighting the "Need" or fighting the "Want" for a smoke. It's easier to say you don't want something when you NEED it... Harder to say you don't want it when you DO want it. Sort of a split personality thing going on right now. It's weird.