One of my best buddies has worked in A&E before and has seen pretty much everything wedged into orifices.
The excuse is nearly always the same "I was doing the vacuum cleaning in the nude, when I fell over onto my backside and landed on a snooker ball/deodorant can/vegetable/etc I didn't know I had".
My favorite story is one that made the news over here:
An elderly gentleman sparked a bomb scare in an Accident and Emergency ward when he turned up complaining of an acute case of haemorroids. Apparently, he'd found a metal object which he used to ease said swelling back into place, but unfortunately the object became lodged in-situ. The Bomb Squad were called when it turned out the metal object was in fact a live artillery shell.
