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Coffee House => Coffee House Boards => CH / General => Topic started by: T_Bone on June 24, 2004, 03:19:51 AM
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The Mind of a Single Guy
By Justin Rebello
Oh man, it's morning.
Damn.
Oh boy.
Pitching a tent.
That was a solid Shakira dream last night.
Better take care of that.
Oops roommate is here.
Come on.
Leave.
Okay here goes.
(5 to 7 minutes later)
Ok, starting my day.
Gotta get clean.
This shirt should get me laid by day's end.
Shampoo is better.
HAHA Damn Billy Madison is funny.
Is my thing really that small?
No. It's not.
It's the water.
But I thought that was cold water.
No. Gotta be hot.
Ok, time to dry off.
This shirt won't get me laid.
Ahh {bleep} it, I wasn't going to get laid anyway.
Shaving is cool.
Why do girls complain about shaving their legs?
I damn near rip my jugular every morning.
Boobs.
Jugular is a funny word.
So is mustard.
I guess a lot of words are funny if you think about it.
Mustard.
I'm hungry.
Need sandwich.
{bleep}.
Class in 20 minutes.
Lots of time.
Boobs.
Oh yeah, hot girls in class.
Get there early, see boobs.
Boobs?
Ok.
Sandwich later.
God it's cold.
Cold enough for hard nipples.
Boobs.
The elevator is the most impersonal place in the world. No two random people who meet on an elevator will ever like each other.
This is the gayest looking dude I've ever seen.
He probably still gets laid more though.
Yeah.
To guys.
HAHA, good one, brain.
Oh, figures, I get off the elevator, hot girl gets on.
I need a beer.
Beer later.
This class is so boring.
I bet this professor gets laid more than I do.
Yeah.
To guys.
That's getting old, brain.
Whoa, this kid next to me is falling asleep.
He's bobbing his head.
Oh, he's out.
Violent shake is coming 3 2 1.
HAHA.
This may very well be the most boring moment of my life.
How can they subject us to this.
Didn't Nazism die out?
Nazis were dicks.
Yeah.
That's a shame. I bet more people would still wear Adolf's moustache if he wasn't such a dick.
Like Robert E. Lee's?
Robert Lee was cool.
Was that the Civil War?
God, I'm so horny.
This is unhealthy.
This class has gotta be almost over.
Jesus.
45 minutes?!
Thank god that's over.
I need food.
Sandwich.
Eat.
Swallow.
Hey, why don't I check out the away messages of everyone on my buddy list?
, , , , , , , , .
I gotta use the toilet.
#1 or #2?
Hmm, I'll surprise myself.
When it comes right down to it, Faith Hill and Shania Twain may very well be the ultimate 3-way.
Stop thinking about 3-ways. Concentrate on a 2-way.
Like lesbians? No, like you and a girl...but come to think of it...lesbians are hot.
Yeah they are.
I wonder if football players ever {bleep} themselves at the line of scrimmage.
Like, if their cleat slips in mud do they {bleep} themselves?
That would be hilarious.
I would fake an injury.
You think that's why there are so many injuries?
You've played football before, you've never been injured.
I've also never {bleep} myself.
In football or in life?
In football, obviously. I've shat myself on a number of occasions.
Like, recently?
Oh, no, back in the day.
I could go for some "Ain't Nothin But a G Thang".
Word.
Ok.
Flush.
How did the Lucky Charms thing go again?
Uh, hearts, clovers, stars, rainbows.
No no.
I think it was that.
No, it had rainbows.
I said rainbows! Rainbows, hearts, stars, clovers, balloons.
I don't even think I can spell balloons.
God, you're stupid.
You're the brain, dumbass.
{bleep}, class in 10 minutes.
Screw it.
Play Madden.
Good idea.
Isn't there a paper due?
Tomorrow, damn, gotta start that.
Madden first.
I need a beer.
Can't.
Not on a school night.
Who made that rule?
I did.
Why?
I dunno.
Is one beer gonna kill you?
Is it peer pressure if I'm trying to coax myself?
Hey, Socrates, quit waxing philosophical and have a beer.
Phone is ringing.
Maybe someone wants to have sex with you.
No one who would call me would wanna have sex with me.
You never know.
{bleep}.
It's my mom.
Jesus, you were talking about sex with your mom.
Shut up.
Mom wants to know why I'm not in class.
Tell her you're sick.
Umm, stomachache.
What is this? First grade?
I wonder if my parents still have sex.
Don't think about that. That's how people get warped.
Dinner.
Need food.
Ugh.
Cooking.
This is why people get married.
Why? Your dad cooks.
True.
{bleep}.
Now I need that beer.
No beer!
Ahh god!
Boobs?
Haha, same as always.
Might as well go to bed.
Can't sleep.
Umm, formulate your list of 100 girls you wanna sleep with.
Ok.
100. Reese Witherspoon.
99. New school Punky Brewster.
98. This is dumb.
I'm going online.
Everyone is in bed.
God, it's only...damn it's 1:45.
I have class tomorrow.
Why don't you do that diary thing?
Oh, yeah, how about a point by point list of thoughts from your day?
Good idea, brain.
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Glad i'm not single anymore. :-D
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I don't think of even half that crap.
Here are the bits that I usually think of:
...
Ok, starting my day.
Gotta get clean.
...
No. Gotta be hot.
Ok, time to dry off.
This shirt won't get me laid.
Ahh {bleep} it, I wasn't going to get laid anyway.
...
Why do girls complain about shaving their legs?
...
Boobs.
I guess a lot of words are funny if you think about it.
I'm hungry.
...
Boobs.
Oh yeah, hot girls [on train].
Get there early, see boobs.
Boobs?
Ok.
...
Cold enough for hard nipples.
Boobs.
The elevator is the most impersonal place in the world. No two random people who meet on an elevator will ever like each other.
This is the gayest looking dude I've ever seen.
He probably still gets laid more though.
...
Oh, figures, I get off the elevator, hot girl gets on.
...
This may very well be the most boring moment of my life.
...
Nazis were dicks.
...
God, I'm so horny.
...
I gotta use the toilet.
...
Stop thinking about 3-ways. Concentrate on a 2-way.
Like lesbians? No, like you and a girl...but come to think of it...lesbians are hot.
Yeah they are.
...
Tomorrow, damn, gotta start that.
...
Why?
I dunno.
...
Is it peer pressure if I'm trying to coax myself?
...
Phone is ringing.
Maybe someone wants to have sex with you.
No one who would call me would wanna have sex with me.
You never know.
{bleep}.
It's my mom.
...
Dinner.
Need food.
Ugh.
Cooking.
This is why people get married.
...
Boobs?
Haha, same as always.
Might as well go to bed.
Can't sleep.
Umm, formulate your list of 100 girls you wanna sleep with.
Ok.
[100.]...
[99.]
98. This is dumb.
I'm going online.
... it's only...damn it's 1:45.
...
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I sense teenage angst :lol:
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Hoya!
@T_Bone
Excellent and looks like deja-vu... ;-)
Be funky
M A D
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MAD wrote:
Hoya!
@T_Bone
Excellent and looks like deja-vu... ;-)
Be funky
M A D
deja-vu?
I'm single and thirty and most of it is still relevent :lol:
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hm, mostly, I think about other things (I won't bother you with that)
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Hoya!
@PMC
Hehe! I meant that many guys seem to think like this ;-)
Be funky
M A D
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guys get nervous when i stare at their crotch.
just thought you'd like to know.
:lol:
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Hoya!
Hehe! If you stare at their manhood with "yummy! It's lunch-time, come to mama!" eyes, no surprise!
They KNOW they will not be man enough to stand a chance with the Funky AOrg Artistic Praying Mantis (tm)! ;-)
Be funky
M A D
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cecilia wrote:
guys get nervous when i stare at their crotch.
You do not want to know how nervous they'll become when I stare at their crotch :lol:
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Speelgoedmannetje wrote:
cecilia wrote:
guys get nervous when i stare at their crotch.
You do not want to know how nervous they'll become when I stare at their crotch :lol:
:roflmao:
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cecilia wrote:
guys get nervous when i stare at their crotch.
just thought you'd like to know.
That's because, 9 times out of 10, when a woman stares at a man's crotch she's deciding where to dig her fingernails.
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Speelgoedmannetje wrote:
cecilia wrote:
guys get nervous when i stare at their crotch.
You do not want to know how nervous they'll become when I stare at their crotch :lol:
@speelgoedmannetje
Yeah but it's so much fun sometimes! :roflmao:
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Hoya!
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Actually, I do not like when a woman looks at me this way, I find it rather rude!
As a matter of fact, I would not look at their bums or chests this way...
And if it is a guy doing it... Well, I would run and hide behind cecilia! ;-)
Be funky
M A D
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Well I was out one evening with a mate who'd got talking to these three girls.
"Sarah here's just had a piercing done" he said
Like an idiot I innocently asked "where?"
At which point said lass grabbed the back of my neck and pulled my head forwards at the same time as yanking her top down with her other hand....
I think she was quite pleased with it.
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Hoya!
LOL.
Boy, this sure never happened to me! ;-)
Be funky
M A D
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graffias79 wrote:
Speelgoedmannetje wrote:
cecilia wrote:
guys get nervous when i stare at their crotch.
You do not want to know how nervous they'll become when I stare at their crotch :lol:
@speelgoedmannetje
Yeah but it's so much fun sometimes! :roflmao:
hehehehe, I've rejected that thought/feeling for way too long, thinking these are ridiculous.
I've
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Hum,
i suspect that most single guys (or guys in general) don`t actually have minds...
But, of course, i would have to preform a bit of surgery to confirm this.
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Actually....we do...
It's just that the mind isn't located in what is generally known as the brain...
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Hoya!
Finely remarked! :lol:
Be funky
M A D
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blobrana wrote:
Hum,
i suspect that most single guys (or guys in general) don`t actually have minds...
Well, I'm pretty sure that I do have a mind, it just deserts me whenever I'm imbibing alcohol or in the company of like-minded male friends.
;-)
BTW, I love your new avatar!
Anyway, I do have a few single women friends and believe me from the stories I hear, a good proportion of them are even worse behaved!
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blobrana wrote:
Hum,
i suspect that most single guys (or guys in general) don`t actually have minds...
actually, there ARE guys with minds! you just have to look.
trust me.
i know what you mean, tho. it can become tiresome, all that goofyness.
you have to learn how to deflect it in a way that doesn't make the situation worse.
sometimes I just have to leave the room.
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Hum,
@PMC
Tnx, and this is the music (http://mysite.wanadoo-members.co.uk/blobrana/downloads/633sqdrn.mid) to go with it...
:-)
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Tallo ho, Blob!
:-D
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Now I've finished flying my imaginary Spitfire in accompaniment to Blob's music I should get back to the subject in hand... errr by that I mean this thread.
On some other thread I said something about a friend who woke up one morning after a heavy night out on the beer so see someone next to them who's name they just could not place....
I neglected to mention that the friend in question is female. My point is that these days it's acceptable for single women to be as badly behaved as single blokes can be.
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blobrana wrote:
Hum,
i suspect that most single guys (or guys in general) don`t actually have minds...
No, we have hearts :-)
But, of course, i would have to preform a bit of surgery to confirm this.
Eek. Won't magnetic resonance do?
Which reminds me...
Cool huh? (http://physicsweb.org/article/news/8/5/5)