Amiga.org
Coffee House => Coffee House Boards => CH / General => Topic started by: iamaboringperson on June 01, 2004, 06:09:56 AM
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Q: What do you call an Abo ('Abo' is just short for Aboriginal, BTW ;) in a suit?
A: The defendant.
Q: What do you call an Abo with a gun?
A: Sir.
Q: How can you tell a Jewish house?
A: Toilet paper on the washing line.
Q: What's another way you can you tell a Jewish house?
A: Padlocks on the rubbish bins.
Q: How can you tell a Jewish house at Christmas?
A: Parking meter on the roof.
Q: Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus?
A: He comes down the chimney and says "Hi kids! You want to buy some presents?"
Q: Why do New Yorkers have glass rubbish bins?
A: So the Jews can go "window shopping".
Q: How was the Grand Canyon formed?
A: Someone dropped 20 cents down a rabbit hole at a Jewish Convention.
Q: Why are Yankee dollars green?
A: Because the Jews pick them before they're ripe.
Q: Why did the Jews wander in the desert for forty years?
A: Because someone dropped a twenty-cent piece.
Q: Why do Jewish wives use gold diaphragms?
A: Their husbands like coming into money.
Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street.
"Oy, Abraham, I'm sorry to hear about that fire at your warehouse".
"Ssh!" hisses the other, "It's not till next week".
Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street.
"Well, Morrie, how's your warehouse business going?".
"Oy vey, Abraham, it's not going so good, we had a flood last week."
"So, Morrie," whispers Abraham "How do you start a flood?".
Little Sarah swallows a $1 coin.
"Quick!", shouts her mother, "Send for a doctor!"
"Doctor? Rubbish!", shouts her father, "Send for Abraham Goldberg! He can get money out of anybody!"
Characteristics of Scots in jokes: Portrayed as money-grabbing and stingy.
Many Jewish jokes can be adapted as Scottish jokes.
McTavish, on a free trip to the pokies, had spent the entire two dollars he had brought along without winning a cent.
Thoroughly disgusted, he stalked off to visit the gents and discovered that he needed 20 cents to use one of the cubicles.
A man standing nearby gave him the necessary coin, but just as McTavish was about to use it he spotted someone leaving, so he grabbed the door before it slammed shut and got in for free.
And so, with a spare 20 cents to spend, he returned to the machines and had a final fling.
And wouldn't you know it? He scored the $10,000 jackpot!
McTavish was ecstatic. "If it hadnae been for yon laddie I'd no ha' won," he exclaimed, "The mon deserves to be rewarded - I'll give him his twenty cents back.
Two brothers, both Scots, named Jock and Sandy, go into business together. At the end of the first year they try to balance their account books, but were $9.50 short. They tried again and again, but no matter which way they tried to do it, they always came out $9.50 short.
"Tell me the truth, Sandy," asked Jock, "Are you keeping a woman on the side?"
Q: How do you get a one-armed Irishman out of a tree?
A: Wave at him.
Q: Why did the Irishman refuse to be a Jehovah's Witness?
A: Because he didn't see the accident.
Q: What do you call an Irishman with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: How do you keep an Irishman happy in his old age?
A: Tell him a joke when he's young.
What does an Irishman call his pet zebra?
Spot.
Did you hear about the Irish Rap Dancer who spent six hours in Myers looking for a cap with a peak at the back?
Then there was the Irishman who was stranded for an hour in a supermarket when the escalator broke down.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Irish burglar"
Did you hear about the Pole who had a penis transplant?
His hand rejected it.
Do you know why the suicide rate in Poland is so low?
Because you can't jump out of a basement window.
How can you tell a Polish Peeping Tom?
(Pull out front of own pants and look down).
Why do Poles have such beautiful noses?
They're hand-picked.
Did you hear about the Polish bank?
You bring in a toaster and they give you a thousand dollars.
Hold up a fork.
Q: What's this?
A: A Polish coke spoon.
What's the Polish definition of foreplay?
"Brace yourself, Olga!"
What do Poles wear to weddings?
Formal bowling shirts.
Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Poland?
A: Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Have you ever seen the Polish sex manual?:
1) In.
2) Out.
3) Repeat if necessary.
A widower was devoted to his only daughter and naturally was concerned when she decided not only to get married but to marry a Greek. Blushing furiously; he sat her down to discuss the facts of life, but she brushed him aside, telling him she knew all about those things and not to worry.
"Well, just one thing," the father implored. "If he asks you to turn over in bed, you don't have to."
The young couple got married and were extremely happy until about eight months had gone by. Embracing his wife in bed, the Greek said "Why don't you roll over, dearest?"
"Oh, no, you don't!" she said. "My father said if I don't want to, I don't have to."
"Whatsamatter," he said, "don't you wanna get pregnant?"
Three men, an Italian, a Jew, and a Greek, are crossing the road, when a bus runs them all over, killing them instantly. They appear before Saint Peter, who prepares to let them into Heaven.
The three plead and beg to be allowed to go back, as they're only young and haven't led full lives. Eventually Saint Peter relents and lets them go back to earth - on the one condition that they give up the one thing that each of them wants most of all in life, not even to attempt to attain it.
BANG!! They're back in the same street they came from, all a bit shocked by the experience.
Within a few minutes, they're passing by a pizza shop. The Italian can't help himself, he runs in, and just as he's about to take a bite of pizza, BANG!!, the Italian disappears - he's gone back to Heaven.
The other two are quite shocked by this, but then continue on walking. Just then, a dollar coin rolls across the footpath in front of the two men. The Jew can't help himself, he bends over, and just as he's about to pick up the coin, BANG!!, the Greek disappears.
Q: Why is Italy shaped like a boot?
A: Because you couldn't get that much {bleep} into a shoe.
Q: Did you hear about the Italian-American who emigrated to Poland?
A: He raised the IQ of both countries.
Q: What would your call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A: A speech impediment.
Q: Why are camels called "Ships of the Desert"?
A: Because they're full of Muslim semen.
Q: What's the definition of a virgin in England?
A: Any female under the age of eighteen.
Q: What's the definition of a virgin in France?
A: Any female under the age of sixteen.
Q: What's the definition of a virgin in the Middle East?
A: Any camel that can run faster than an Muslim.
Teacher says to class: "I shall now read you some quotes. Whoever can tell me who said them, and when, they can go home early".
Teacher: "Who said "We will fight them on the beaches"?"
Lim Sung Wu: "Winston Churchill, 1942".
Teacher: "Very good, you can go home right now, if you wish".
Lim Sung Wu: "I will stay teacher, I'm going to be a doctor, and I need to learn all I can".
Teacher: "Who said "I shall return"?"
Sing Lam Po: "Douglas McArthur, 1944".
Teacher: "Very good, you can go home right now, if you wish".
Sing Lam Po: "I will stay teacher, I'm going to be a lawyer, and I need to learn all I can".
Johnny, at the back of the room, mutters: "Bloody Asians".
Teacher: "Who said that?"
Johnny: "Pauline Hanson, 1996", and he runs out of the room, "I'm going home now, see you tomorrow, teacher".
Teacher: "Johnny, put the word INFATUATION in a sentence".
Johnny: "A Jap tourist walks into Pauline Hanson's fish and chip shop, and asks her `How do you cook your chips?', so Pauline tells him, `In fat you Asian'".
Q: How do you Filipino.
A: The same way you Pakistani.
Q: What's the difference between a pot of lobsters and a group of Japanese tourists who've just been run over by a steamroller?
A: There's no difference, they're all crustaceans ("crushed Asians").
Japanese man is in an Australian bank when he sees an Australian cashing in 100 American dollars, getting 143 Australian dollars in return. Remembering that he has some American money at home (left over from his last holiday), the Jap returns the next day to the bank to cash his money in.
Jap to teller: "Here is 100 American dollars, please exchange it for Australian dollars".
The teller gives him 133 Australian dollars.
Jap: "What's this? Yesterday you gave an Australian man 143 dollars for the same amount, but now you give me only 133. Why?"
Teller: "Fluctuations".
Jap: "Yeah? Well, fluck you Aussies too!!"
Q: What do you call a fat Chinaman?
A: A Chunk.
Q: Why were so many Blacks killed in Vietnam?
A: Because every time the sergeant said "Git down", they all jumped up and started dancing.
Q: What does NBA mean ?
A: Nothing but Africans.
Q: Why don't Puerto Ricans have chequebooks?
A: Because it's hard to sign your name with spray paint.
Q: What's six miles long and goes four miles per hour?
A. A Mexican funeral with only one set of jumper cables.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Mexican and an Iranian?
A: Oil of Ol'e.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an octopus?
A: No idea; but it can sure pick lettuce.
Q: Why did God give Mexicans noses?
A: So they'd have something to pick in the off season.
Have you seen the world's shortest books?:
Irish Wit and Wisdom.
Jewish Business Ethics.
Italian War Heroes.
Negroes I Have Met While Yachting.
Aboriginal Hygeine Hints.
Adolf Hitler’s Kosher Recipes.
Muslim Pork Dishes.
The Amish Phone Book.
Things I Can`t Afford by Bill Gates.
Great Women Drivers of Today.
The Complete Guide to Catholic Sex.
The Book of Good Australian Beer.
Beauty Secrets by Cathy Freeman.
How can you tell if an Irishman is present at a {bleep} fight?
He enters a duck.
How can you tell if a Pole is present?
He bets money on the duck.
How can you tell if an Italian is present?
The duck wins.
Q: What's the difference between Circular Quay and a poof with AIDS?
A: One's a ferry terminal, the other's a terminal fairy.
Q: What do you call an Irish homosexual?
A: Gay-lick.
Q: Why did the homosexual leave home?
A: He didn't like the way he was being reared.
Q: What did one lesbian say to the other?
A: "Your face or mine?"
Q: Considering that in order to get married, two heterosexuals have to get a marriage licence, what do two lesbians have to get?
A: A liquor licence.
Q: What do you call a gay milkman?
A: A Dairy Queen.
Q: Why was the homosexual fired from his job at the sperm bank?
A: For drinking on the job.
Q: Have you seen Stevie Wonder's latest CD?
A: No? Well, neither has he!.
Stevie Wonder is walking down the aisle of the supermarket, and he's swinging his cane about, knocking boxes off the shelves on the right, knocking boxes off the shelves on the left, knocking more boxes off the shelves on the right...
...and the store manager comes running up to see what's going on, carefully steps over all the boxes strewn everywhere, sees it's Stevie Wonder - so he says "Can I help you?".
"No," says Stevie "I'm just looking".
:-o :-o :-o :-o :-o :-o
Far out!!! I think that's enough of that crap!
I'm going for a lie down...
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That was stupid.
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that_punk_guy wrote:
That was stupid.
Oh, come on, Chris! Some are funny!
I'll repeat one I like:
Q: What's the definition of a virgin in England?
A: Any female under the age of eighteen.
Q: What's the definition of a virgin in France?
A: Any female under the age of sixteen.
Q: What's the definition of a virgin in the Middle East?
A: Any camel that can run faster than an Muslim.
:roflmao:
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:-|
first the KKK flag,
then the anti homo rants
and now this.
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lama <- (http://www.odin1.dds.nl/junk/you.wav)
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A Yankee's Translation of the Southern's Vocabulary
We provide this translation of the Southern's vocabulary in an attempt to teach them Yankees how to talk rightly.
Ah - The things you see with.
Aig - Which came first, the chicken or the aig?
Arn - An electrical instrument used to remove wrinkles from clothing.
Ay-rab - The people who inhabit much of North Africa.
Bawl - What water does.
Bidness - The art of selling something for more than you paid for it.
Bobbycue - A delectable Southern sandwich of chopped pork, cole slaw, and a fiery sauce.
Bud - Small feathered creature that flies.
Cheer - A piece of furniture used for sitting.
Chekatawfarya - Heard at service stations in small Southern towns.
Co-Cola - Soft drink.
Crine - Weeping.
Dawfins - Name of the professional football team in Miami.
Daints - A more or less formal event in which members of the opposite sex hold each other and move rhythmically to the south of music.
Doc - A condition caused by the absence of light.
Etlanna - The city General Sherman burned during the war for Southern independence.
Everthang - All-encompassing.
Far - A state of combustion that produces heat and light.
Foller - Spies and private detectives spend a lot of time doing this.
Git - To acquire.
Goff- A game played with clubs and a little white ball.
Gull - A young female.
Hale - Where General Sherman went for what he did to Etlanna.
Heidi - noun. Greeting
Hep - To aid or benefit.
Hire Yew
Idinit - "Mighty hot today, idinit?"
Keer - To be concerned.
Lieberry - A building containing thousands of literary works.
Moanin - Between daybreak and noon.
Motuhsickle - A two-wheeled missile with a powerful engine.
Munts - The 12 units into which the calendar year is divided.
Nawth - Any part of the country outside of the South.
Nekkid - To be unclothed.
Ovair - In that direction.
Own - Instead of awf.
Phrasin - Very cold.
Pitcher - An image, either drawn or photographed.
Sebmup - Soft drink similar to ginger ale.
Show - "It show is hot today."
Spearmint - Something scientist do.
Stow - Place where things are sold.
Tal - What you dry off with after you take a share.
Tar - Round inflatable object that sometimes goes flat.
Uhmukin - Someone who lives in the United States of Uhmurka.
Zackly - Precisely
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I'll add one of my own, can't believe they left it out!
All - Drilled from the ground, used to lubricate motors.
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Taxidermist
This guy walks into a bar down in Georgia and orders a Grape Nehi. Surprised, the bartender looks around and says, "You ain't from around here. Where you from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Pennsylvania."
The bartender asks, "What do you do up in Pennsylvania?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... what the hell is a taxidermist?"
The guy says, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender smiles and shouts to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"
:lol:
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I'm sure most of ima's post violates posting regulations...and also demonstrates his immense maturity.
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odin wrote:
lama <- (http://www.odin1.dds.nl/junk/you.wav)
:banana:
THAT was really funny!
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Wow iamaboringperson:
You've managed to find an unfunny joke to offend every single ethnic minority and nationality that I can think of. That's impressive going....
Something tells me that your xmas card list is going to be somewhat shortened this year.
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Oh and I forgot to mention sexual persuasion too. I can imagine a few A.org resident posters being a little miffed there too.
However T_Bone, I had to chuckle about the taxidermist one...
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Geee guys, lighten up a tad...
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Co-Cola - Soft drink.
Gull - A young female.
All - Drilled from the ground, used to lubricate motors.
LOL that list was quite funny!
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adz wrote:
Geee guys, lighten up a tad...
:-)
Yes! YES!!
Exactly my thoughts.
I don't pretend to be "politically correct", guys...
Obviously, I didn't write all of that myself. I cut and pasted it.
And if you're offended by that lot (and if you read the title, why did you go on to read the rest if you knew it was going to be "politically incorrect"? Perhaps you secretly wanted to be offended? ;) you should have seen what I rejected!! :-o
I only cut and paste the few that I thought (IMHO) were acceptable. Some of the jokes from the source weren't very good.
---===###LIGHTEN UP!###===---
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iamaboringperson wrote:
I don't pretend to be "politically correct", guys...
No. You should not pretend to be political correct, you should be political correct, by heart.
Your being here does not come from political incorrectness. Your mother could have killed you by birth because you caused that much pain to her.
Perhaps you secretly wanted to be offended?
Close. I was curious how far you would cross the posting guidelines this time.
---===###LIGHTEN UP!###===---
I could laugh about these particularly 'forcefully trying to be funny' jokes if I did not read your previous posts.
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socialist pig...
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iamaboringperson wrote:
I don't pretend to be "politically correct", guys...
There is a middle-ground between excessive political correctness and intentionally causing offense.
Of course, if the jokes were actually funny, perhaps there would be cause to "lighten up."
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I personally thought *some* of the jokes funny, but thats just me :-)
As for "Being politically correct by heart" sorry old bean, but if I ever become "PC" then I hope one of you would have the good graces to put me out of my misery. Political correctness is the language of cowards (Billy Connelly)
It is conducive to a fearful, unpleasant and utterly mind rottingly boring society that is unwilling to try anything new for fear of upsetting someone (Not to meantion the destruction of every day things such as OMG!! Hot cross buns....).
Sorry, but I do feel that political correctness has been taken so far that it is now more offensive to more people then what it was trying to replace (that being all the "isms" that are still around).
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the_leander wrote:
As for "Being politically correct by heart" sorry old bean, but if I ever become "PC" then I hope one of you would have the good graces to put me out of my misery. Political correctness is the language of cowards (Billy Connelly)
amen to THAT!!!
and thanks for that Billy quote (as some may have noticed I have an obsession with collecting quotes).
A friend of mine while visiting Scotland got a chance to meet Billy and he is a character.
the next person who insists on being "PC" will have those initals carved into their foreheads.
:lol:
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Hi,
Some were funny, some were too, uhm, colourfull. Is that how that word is spelled in the UK?
Chris
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one l, with a u :-)
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Hear, hear..... (http://www.odin1.dds.nl/junk/heideroosjes-pcpos.mp3)
(2 meg)
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Billy Connelly wrote:
Political correctness is the language of cowards.
So, if by not telling racist or sexist jokes I'm inherently "politically correct," I am a coward?
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that_punk_guy wrote:
Billy Connelly wrote:
Political correctness is the language of cowards.
So, if by not telling racist or sexist jokes I'm inherently "politically correct," I am a coward?
NO! :-o
I don't make racist jokes. when have i ever sounded "politically correct"???
some of us simply don't care to talk like low class idiots. :-D
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@Cecilia
I know your complaints, but unfortunately, we do not live in a world with nuances, but in a black/white world (it's also the reason why I left the politics CH).
Ppl think that if political correctness is a pain in the arse (wich sometimes indeed is), acting political incorrect would be okay.
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Yet more fun...
Q. What do you call a cute little reindeer without eyes?
A. 'No idea' (eye deer)
Q. What do you call it if you chop off it's legs?
A. Still no idea!!
:-P
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Oh ... I found this. (http://www.newspeakdictionary.com/ns-pi.html)
It's a guide to political correctness. :-)
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Bumper Stickers for the Politically Incorrect
Constipated People Don't Give A Crap
Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself
If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People
Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point
If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better
My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant
Thank You For Pot Smoking
To All You Virgins Thanks For Nothing
If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling
Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings"
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer
Horn Broken... Watch For Finger
It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger
If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass
You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
The Earth Is Full - Go Home
I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
Illiterate? Write For Help
Honk If Anything Falls Off
Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now
I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere
If You Can Read This, The {bleep} Fell Off...[Seen On The Back Of A Biker's Vest]
If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It the Wrong WAY!...
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...[Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep]
Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
Guys: No Shirt, No Service Gals: No Shirt, No Charge [Reported To Be Seen On A Restaurant]
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
Necrophillia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
Ax Me About Ebonics
Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
Boldly Going Nowhere
Cat: The Other White Meat
Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!
Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That
Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Little Animal Friends
Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.
Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!
Warning! Driver Only Carries $20.00 In Ammunition
What Has Four Legs And An Arm? A Happy Pit Bull
PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole
100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?
You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT
Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!
My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom
Grow your own dope, plant a man
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
Hang up and drive.
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.
The proctologist called, they found your head.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
Just because your head is pointed, doesn't mean you're sharp.
Why am I the only person on earth who knows how to drive?
Some people just don't know how to drive. I call these people "Everybody But Me."
Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.
Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
DON'T PISS ME OFF! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
All men are idiots....I married their king.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will...I want to be on it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
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Q. What`s blue and turns red at the touch of a button ?
A. A MorphOS troll in a blender.
Q. What`s red and turns green at the touch of a button?
A. An OS4 troll being shown MorphOS.
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Doobrey wrote:
Q. What`s blue and turns red at the touch of a button ?
A. A MorphOS troll in a blender.
Q. What`s red and turns green at the touch of a button?
A. An OS4 troll being shown MorphOS.
:-)
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Hoya!
No, it is colourful.
Be funky
M A D
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Speelgoedmannetje wrote:
@Cecilia
I know your complaints, but unfortunately, we do not live in a world with nuances, but in a black/white world (it's also the reason why I left the politics CH).
WTF ARE YOU SMOKING?
Perhaps you are unable to see nuances, but I can assure you that they exist, and are indeed thriving. Indeed its only polititians trying to score points that seem to hit the "with us or against us" rhetoric, as the world is a FAR more complex place to live in. Anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something.. (either a product or an idea).
You seriously need to open up yer eyes lad, because theres a whole spectrum of life that you are missing with your black/white specs on.
Ppl think that if political correctness is a pain in the arse (wich sometimes indeed is), acting political incorrect would be okay.
I think that political correctness has been taken all out of proportion, to the point now that it can be more offensive then what it was trying to replace, and you get some people who will attack you unless you use newspeek.. err politically correct phrases.
like all things its a ballance, one that in this case has been lost a long time ago, I tend to stick roughly in the middle of it all since I don't like the extremes of either side of this coin. I'm utterly uncooth in the eyes of the liberal elite who use this to its extreme, and totally PC by the anti-PC brigade's views...
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The condemning of political correctness has caused that atm 26k refugees are being kicked out of my country. :pissed: :cry:
-edit-
if I get this fascist in my hands, he'll get a fair punch in the face :pissed:
(http://www.minaz.nl/english/prime_minister/pm-1945/images/balkenende.jpg)
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T_Bone wrote:
Taxidermist
This guy walks into a bar down in Georgia and orders a Grape Nehi. Surprised, the bartender looks around and says, "You ain't from around here. Where you from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Pennsylvania."
The bartender asks, "What do you do up in Pennsylvania?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... what the hell is a taxidermist?"
The guy says, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender smiles and shouts to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"
:lol:
:lol: :-D
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Doobrey wrote:
Q. What`s blue and turns red at the touch of a button ?
A. A MorphOS troll in a blender.
Q. What`s red and turns green at the touch of a button?
A. An OS4 troll being shown MorphOS.
:lol:
That one was good! Better than the one I'm about to present - I must admit:
After getting all of the Pope's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't
travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the
curb.
"Excuse me, Your Eminence," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so
we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope,"they never let me
drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if
something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work
that morning.
"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope. Reluctantly, the
driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel.
The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the
Supreme Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried! driver, but the
Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
"Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop
takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo
going a hundred and five.
"So bust him," said the Chief.
"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.
Chief exclaimed,"All the more reason!"
"No, I mean really important," said the cop.
The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
Cop:"Bigger."
Chief:"Governor?"
Cop:"Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
Cop: "I think it's God!"
Chief:"What makes you think it's God?"
Cop:"He's got the Pope for a limo driver!"
-
(Considerting T_Bone's Reagan thread, I'm wasn't sure if this would be that appropriate ... but I'll let YOU DECIDE)
The Great Wizard of Oz
The last four ex-U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they whirled to OZ. They finally make it to the Emerald City and came before the Great Wizard.
"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD OF OZ?"
Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly:" I've come for some courage."
"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard. "WHO IS NEXT?"
Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well........., I.......I think I need a brain."
"DONE" says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"
Up stepped George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."
"I'VE HEARD IT'S TRUE!" says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."
There is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
"Is Dorothy here?"
(Nothing against Reagan, BTW :)
-
Q: What does a smart Norwegian sound like?
A: He speaks with a Swedish accent!
Q: What's the difference between E.T. and German tourists?
A: E.T. never bought a summer house.
-
What is the difference between a Hobo and a Homo?
A Hobo is a loner who doesn't have any friends.
A Homo has friends up the arse.
Q: How can you tell if you are in a gay amusement park?
A: They issue gerbils at the tunnel of love.
Q: Hear about the new gay sitcom?
A: "Leave it, it's Beaver."
Q: Did you hear about the gay rabbit?
A: He found a hare up his ass.
Q: What does AIDS stand for?
A: Arsehole Injected Death Sentence!
A little boy about five years old, runs into the kitchen, with his
hands cupped in front of him.
"Mummy, mummy, is there such a thing as a Mummy-long-leg spiders?"
"No Johnny," mum replies, "They're all daddy-long-leg spiders."
Upon hearing this, Johnny slams his palms together and adds a quick twist,
muttering, "Bloody poofters!"
Q: How can you tell if a novel is homosexual?
A: The hero always gets his man in the end.
Q: How can you tell if a Western is homosexual?
A: All the good guys are hung.
Q: Did you hear about the Gay magician?
A: He vanished with a poof.
Q: How can you tell if a household is homosexual?
A: The welcome mat reads: "Please wipe your knees."
Q: Did you hear about the new disease gay musicians are
….coming down with?
A: Bandaids!
Q: What did the bishop do when the priest admitted his homosexuality?
A: He defrocked him.
Q: What do you call a gay dentist?
A: The tooth fairy!
Q: Did you hear about the two Scottish poofters?
A: Ben Doon and Phil McCrevis.
Q: What do you call two Irish poofters?
A: Patrick Fitzhenry and Henry Fitzpatrick.
Michael Jackson and the doctor are walking out of the delivery room after his wife gives birth to their son.
Michael says, "How long before we can have sex?"
The doctor says, "At least wait until he's walking."
Q: What's a homosexual masochist?
A: A sucker for punishment.
Q: What would you call a poof with a hard on?
A: A can opener.
Q: How do you know you've walked into a homosexual church service?
A: Only half the congregation are kneeling.
Q: Did you hear about the new breakfast cereal called Queerios?
A: Add milk, and they eat themselves!
President Clinton's Queen Berets
Falling fairies from the sky,
I broke my nail, Oh I could cry.
Don't you like how my tush sways?
We are the fags of the Queen Berets.
Bill Clinton's words upon my ears,
"You guys have rights, be proud you queers.
I once was scared, now I'm okay,
Cause I'm a fag in the Queen Berets.
Put silver earclips on my nuts,
I love the pain, now spank my butt.
The way you walk is awfully cute.
I sure would like to pack your chute.
This Navy stuff is awfully slick,
Free meals and clothes and lots of dicks.
When I retire, I'll still get paid,
I thank you Bill, from the Queen Berets.
Q: What do you call a fag bar with no bar stools?
A: A fruit stand!
Q: What is the most popular pickup line in a gay bar?
A: Hey big guy, would you like me to push up your stool?
Q: What's the difference between a straight rodeo and a gay rodeo?
A: At a straight rodeo, everybody yells, "ride them suckers!"
Q: How can you tell if a bank robber is gay?
A: He ties up the safe and blows the guard.
Q: What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools?
A: A fruit stand!
Steve and Elton, a pair of homosexual lovers, went hiking.
Steve ducked behind a bush when he felt nature calling.
Suddenly he cried out, "How terrible! I miscarried! I miscarried! Here is a little arm! There is a little leg! This is so awful!"
"Shut up, you {bleep}ing idiot!" Elton scolded. "You just {bleep} on a frog!"
Q: What's the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
A: Male fraud.
Q: Did you hear about the homo Indian?
A: He was a brave sucker.
This guy walks into a gay bar. He's a newly-discovered gay and has come to the bar to find a couple of flings. Anyway, he's sitting at the bar, eating, drinking, checking out the crowd, when he has the sudden urge to fart. He looks around and sees the other people farting nicely. One 'pssssttttt' here and another 'psssssttttt' there. He decides, what the hell, and farts: a loud 'brrrrrrrrrrrtttttttt'. All of a sudden, the bar is quiet, and everyone points at him and shouts 'VIRGIN!!!'
Q: What's the hardest thing about AIDS?
A: Leaving your friends behind.
Q: What did one lesbian frog say to the other?
A: You know, we do taste like chicken.
Q: What's the Latin name for a lesbian?
A: Strapadictomy.
Q: What do you call lesbian twins?
A: "Lick-a-likes".
Q: What is the leading cause of death among lesbians?
A: Hairballs.
Q: What do you call a thick fingered lesbian?
A: Well hung.
Q: Why are lesbians fatter than straight women?
A: Because they're always eating out and don't do dick.
Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
A: I'll see you next month
Q: What's the new and politically correct name for Lesbian?
A: Vagitarian.
Q: What do you call a lesbian Eskimo?
A: Klondike.
-
Michael Jackson and the doctor are walking out of the delivery room after his wife gives birth to their son.
Michael says, "How long before we can have sex?"
The doctor says, "At least wait until he's walking."
ROTFLMAO :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
-
Hoya!
@Iama
Ah! You CAN be funny when you want! ;-)
"A lesbian with a big finger=well hung" LOL!
Be funky
M A D
-
@iama
I wonder if someone else had done this thread whether they would have been slated and called a troll...... Seems like there are rules for some and rules for others. :-x
-
T-Bone wrote:
Q: How can you tell if you are in a gay amusement park?
A: They issue gerbils at the tunnel of love.
That whole gerbil thing is sooo not even real. I've been to a couple "parties" and I chat with a lot of other gay men out there and so far the only people that I have EVER heard even mention girbils are straight men trying to be funny.
-Jamie
-
CU_AMiGA wrote:
@iama
I wonder if someone else had done this thread whether they would have been slated and called a troll...... Seems like there are rules for some and rules for others. :-x
As I have stated before in this thread, I too do think this thread's violating the posting guidelines.
I can appreciate a political incorrect joke, but only if the intentions are not to insult.
These jokes however, seem to me for insulting purposes only.
-
"In a recent interview Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle said that American politics is becoming meaner and meaner. After hearing this top Republicans said that Daschle makes a good point for a guy who's ugly and probably gay." —Conan O'Brien
"Democratic leader Tom Daschle has been whining all over TV, saying that Rush Limbaugh and other talk show hosts have been inciting violence against Democrats. Which is illegal you know, attacking an endangered species." —Jay Leno
"Declassified papers report that John Kennedy was taking eight different medications a day. He was so wasted, his Secret Service code name was Ted Kennedy." —Craig Kilborn
"Bush met with former President Jimmy Carter. Jimmy Carter is 76 years old, or as Democrats call him 'their bright new star of the future.'" —David Letterman
"Following Bush's speech came the Democratic response, which this year was given by Washington Governor Gary Locke because Wisconsin's Alderman Eugene Slasinski was busy." —Jon Stewart
"The Democrats have selected Boston, Massachusetts, as the sight of their 2004 Democratic Convention. The convention will be held in September. This way the Red Sox and the Democrats can face mathematical elimination together." —Jay Leno
"It's amazing how quickly the news changes. I mean it's hard to believe just ten days ago we believed Osama Bin Laden was dead the Democratic party was alive." —Jay Leno
"Because the election was such a disaster for the Democrats, it looks like the leader of the party might be stepping down. But enough about Barbra Streisand." —Jay Leno
"In Ohio, some people will be going to the polls to re-elect disgraced Congressman James Trafficant, even though he's currently in prison. I guess if he's a congressman and already in jail, it saves a step." —Jay Leno
"Former Vice President Walter Fritz Mondale was officially nominated by the Democratic party of Minnesota to replace Paul Wellstone on the ballot. Look out Michael Jordan, Mondale is the new comeback kid. Mondale became the party's top choice over the weekend after the Democrats inadvertently set their clocks back to 1976." —Craig Kilborn
"Robert Torricelli, a powerful fund-raiser who helped raise more than $100 million for the Democratic party, took inappropriate gifts from a businessman, including an $8,000 gold Rolex watch, for which he was severely admonished by the Senate Ethics Committee in July. To recap: raising $100 million in contributions from gigantic corporations — ethical; taking a watch — unethical. That's the Senate Ethics Committee, an oxymoron since 1974." —Jon Stewart
"Senator Robert Torricelli of New Jersey is stepping down after controversy. In a teary-eyed speech to his constituents today he said, 'I’ve given you 20 years of my life.' He said that — and in all fairness I think that's what he'll be getting — 20 years to life." —Jay Leno
"Here's a great story, incoming Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, he's driving on vacation in Florida, saw an SUV that overturned on the highway, stopped, got out of the car, jumped over and helped the victims until the paramedics arrived. In fact, this is being called the closest thing Republicans have ever had for providing health care to people. He was not the only senator who stopped at the accident. John Edwards the trial lawyer stopped and chased the ambulance all the way to the hospital." —Jay Leno
"Janet Reno lost the democratic primary. When asked about it, Reno said, 'I feel like I've been kicked in the nuts.'" —Conan O'Brien
"Janet Reno lost the primary election for governor down there in Florida. They think what hurt her were the allegations of steroid abuse." —David Letterman
"James Traficant was sentenced to prison for eight years. As he was being led out of the courtroom, his hair yelled to him, 'I'll wait for you!'" —Craig Kilborn
"This Traficant guy is just nuts. In fact he is going to run for re-election from his prison cell. The main issue of his campaign — outlawing sodomy." —Jay Leno
"Yesterday Congressman James Traficant was sent to 8 years in jail. I was thinking to myself yesterday, 'Boy what a success story, from U.S. congressman to cell block {bleep}." —David Letterman
"Ohio Congressman James Traficant, disgraced and expelled from Congress for bribery, extortion and tax evasion. Of course, the biggest offense in the eyes of Congress, he got caught." —Jay Leno
"Don't count Traficant out though. He said he's going to run from prison. When you think about, that's about the best place to put together a political team. Look at who you've got in there, fellow politicians, corporate executives, legal advisors, financial geniuses, it's just like the outside." —Jay Leno
"This weekend big doings down in Florida. Former Attorney General Janet Reno is hosting a dance party at a Miami night club. Not only is she the guest of honor, she is also the bouncer." —David Letterman
"Today is the anniversary of the Watergate break-in. That's the day the Republicans tried to steal the Democrat's plans. That's also the last time the Democrats had any plans worth stealing. It's also the last time a Republican president had a plan and actually carried it out." —Jay Leno
"Did you see Carter and Castro meeting together — dining together? The last time a president embraced a Cuban like that he got impeached." —Jay Leno
"Isn't spring in New York fantastic? The great thing about spring is that it comes once a year, just like a Kennedy trial." —David Letterman
"The Democrats said today that if they were in power they could get Israel to pull out of Palestine. Oh shut up. They couldn't even get Bill to pull out of Monica." —Jay Leno
"It's Bring Your Daughter to Work Day. This tradition began about 25 years ago down in Washington, D.C. by a quick-thinking Ted Kennedy who was spotted leaving his office with an 18-year-old." —David Letterman
"California Governor Gray Davis is returning a $10,000 campaign contribution when he found out it was from the owners of a strip club. To his credit, he's going to return the money to the girls one dollar at a time." —Jay Leno
"On Wednesday, President Bush named the Justice Department headquarters after Robert F. Kennedy. Then he went around the corner and named a strip club after Ted." —Jay Leno
"Politically, the big news is now this guy Senator Jim Jeffords from Vermont announced late yesterday he's changing parties and no longer going to be a Republican, thinking maybe an independent, so he's changing parties. But you know, it's not unusual for senators to change party. For example, last night Ted Kennedy went from a party at Bennigan's to a party at Houlihan's." —David Letterman
"Senator Jeffords says the reason he's leaving the Republican party, he's just fed up with George Bush and the tax cut and he's also fed up with his environmental policy. But the big reason, he says the Democrats offered to let him get in on some of that hot intern action." —David Letterman
"After the switch, the Democrats would have 51 seats, the Republicans would have 49 seats, and Senator Ted Kennedy would still need four seats." —Craig Kilborn
"It seems former Attorney General Janet Reno may run for Governor of Florida against Jeb Bush. She could be tough to beat, she has a great slogan, 'Janet Reno, Best Man For The Job.' ... They asked her about the rumors that Jeb Bush may have had an affair with a former Playboy Playmate Janet Reno said, 'That lucky son-of-a-gun.'" —Jay Leno
"Former Attorney General Janet Reno is talking about running for governor in Florida. Janet Reno is so unpopular in the state of Florida they will not even need to use the crooked voting machines." —David Letterman
"Jesse Jackson's in trouble. They're going after this tax thing. Jesse said he will amend his taxes to show the money that he paid to his mistress. See, he has just one mistress. Jesse uses the standard mistress deduction. As opposed to Clinton, who had to itemize." —Jay Leno
"It seems Monica Lewinsky is on the loose again, teaming up with HBO to do a documentary about her affair with Bill Clinton. It's not really a documentary. It will be more of an oral history." —Jay Leno
"A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, so he probably doesn't need it, but still, that's not very much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, at least I got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine." —Jay Leno
"It gives new meaning to affirmative action. She said, 'Do you want some action?' He said, 'Affirmative.'" —Jay Leno, on Jesse Jackson's extramarital affair
"Here's the worst part about this whole thing. During the impeachment trial, Jesse Jackson was Bill Clinton's spiritual adviser. In fact, that's where Bill and Monica got that cigar. Jesse was passing them out: 'Here you go! It's a girl! It's a girl!" —Jay Leno
"Following revelations that he fathered a love child, the good Reverend Jesse Jackson — or should we say the "very" good Reverend — is enduring the scandal with the help of family and friends. A scandal which gives clearer meaning to the Rainbow Coalition's "Operation 'Push'." —Jon Stewart
-
A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you MAD? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The bum was astounded.
"Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied, "Hey, man, that's OK! I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up drinking, gambling, and golf!"
-
a friend just emailed me this:
How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to replace a light bulb?
The Answer is SEVEN:
(1) One to deny that a light bulb needs to be replaced,
(2) One to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has questions about the light bulb,
(3) One to blame the previous administration for the need of a new light bulb,
(4) One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs,
(5) One to get together with Vice President Cheney and figure out how to pay Halliburton Industries a half million dollars for a light bulb,
(6) One to arrange a photo-op session showing Bush changing the light bulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag,
(7) and finally one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing in a light bulb and screwing the country.
-
(7) and finally one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing in a light bulb and screwing the country.
:-o cecilia! That's not very nice!!
(At least he doesn't 'screw' his secretary ..... "Is Dorothy here?")
-
After his death, Osama bin Laden went to heaven. There he was greeted by George Washington, who proceeded to slap him across the face and yell at him, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!"
Patrick Henry approached and punched Osama in the nose and shouted,"You wanted to end our liberties but you failed."
James Madison entered, kicked Osama in the groin and said,"This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"
Thomas Jefferson came in and proceeded to beat Osama many times with a long cane and said, "It was evil men like you that provided me the inspiration to pen the Declaration of Independence!"
These beatings and thrashings continued as John Rudolph, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans came in and unleashed their anger on the Muslim terrorist leader.
As Osama lay bleeding and writhing in unbearable pain an Angel appeared.
Bin Laden wept in pain and said to the Angel, "This is not what you promised me."
The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians
waiting for you in heaven. What did you think I said?"
-
iamaboringperson wrote:
(7) and finally one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing in a light bulb and screwing the country.
:-o cecilia! That's not very nice!!
(At least he doesn't 'screw' his secretary ..... "Is Dorothy here?")
I wish he was man enough to screw his intern. instead we have a balless impotent angry moron in office.
-
A girl and a boy were at the back of the cinema, kissing passionately. When they come up for air, the boy says, "I really love kissing you, but do you mind not passing me your chewing gum." The girl replies, "It's not chewing gum, I've got bronchitis."
Q: What do you call a pissed Arab?
A:Hammed
Q: What do you call a really pissed Arab?
A:Mohammed
What's the difference between an Essex girl and a computer ?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
A: So they don't get mistaken for feminists
How do you circumcise a whale?
With four skin divers
What's got two legs and bleeds?
Half a dog!
Q: What's brown and taps at the window
A: A poo on stilts!
What do women have in common
1. What do Jelly and a woman have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
2. What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
3. What do women and condoms have in common? They both spend more time in your wallet than on your penis.
4. What do you call two skunks that are 69ing? Odour eaters.
5. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotopuss.
6. Why do men name their penis? They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of their decisions.
7. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.
8. What does a rooster have that a man wants? A hard pecker.
9. What kind of bees give milk? Boo bees.
10. What do gay men refer to haemorrhoids as? Speed bumps.
11. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common? They both like a tight seal.
12. What is the difference between Olympic swimmers and divers? Mark Spitz and Greg swallows.
13. Why do only 30% of women get into Heaven? If it were more, it would be Hell.
14. What has three teeth and sixty feet? The front row at a Willy Nelson concert.
15. What is the new gay Internet address? c: enter
16. What did the lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? They're right! We do taste like chicken!
17. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common? The balls are just for decoration.
18. What did the banana say to the vibrator? What are YOU shaking for? She's going to eat ME!
19. Why do girls rub their eyes in the morning? They have no balls to scratch
20. What is the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather ... kinky is using the whole chicken.
21. What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah? About three inches.
22. How do you make a hormone? Don't pay her.
23. What do you call a gay dinosaur? A Megasorass.
24. Why did God give women legs? So they don't leave slug tracks.
25. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One..Men will screw anything.
26. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with.... the other is used to carry groceries.
27. What is the mating call of a blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
28. What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios? Oh look! Doughnut seeds!
29. What does a blonde put behind her ears? Her legs.
30. What do you get when you cross a blonde and a pit bull? Your last blow job....ever!
-
Woman's Quote of the Day:
"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with"
Men's Counter-Quote of the Day:
"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.
Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, asked during class, "Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the human body which, under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define those conditions?"
Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly, "Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you, my parents will hear of this," and sat down red-faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question. Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."
"Correct Miss Johnson." said Mr. Perkins. "And now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment.
A letter from a West Virginian to her daughter
Dear Louanne Ellie Mae:
I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning; but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if your an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your brother....
Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off playfully and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened. Love, Mom
P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
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Not particularly addressed to you speel, though you seem to have started it. I cannot believe that a lot of you people have so far lost your sense of humor that you're {bleep}ing about a few -- admittedly bad -- borderline jokes. Has this site really gone so far that even someone's attempt at levity brings in the thought police and lefty liberals? If so, I'm starting to understand the problem.
It's just bleeping jokes guys.
"Like them or loathe them, there's nothing offensive about a joke when EVERYONE is an acceptable target."
-- Mel Brooks
"No one can offend you without your permission"
-- Eleanor Roosevelt.
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iamaboringperson wrote:
(7) and finally one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing in a light bulb and screwing the country.
:-o cecilia! That's not very nice!!
(At least he doesn't 'screw' his secretary ..... "Is Dorothy here?")
That's right. Bush hasn't raped anyone (that we know of) since he found God.
OTOH, Monica was consenting.
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graffias79 wrote:
T-Bone wrote:
Q: How can you tell if you are in a gay amusement park?
A: They issue gerbils at the tunnel of love.
That whole gerbil thing is sooo not even real. I've been to a couple "parties" and I chat with a lot of other gay men out there and so far the only people that I have EVER heard even mention girbils are straight men trying to be funny.
-Jamie
Did I write that? :-? I think I posted pretty much just redneck jokes, if that slipped in it must have been a cut&paste snafu!
-
cecilia wrote:
a friend just emailed me this:
How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to replace a light bulb?
The Answer is SEVEN:
(1) One to deny that a light bulb needs to be replaced,
(2) One to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has questions about the light bulb,
(3) One to blame the previous administration for the need of a new light bulb,
(4) One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs,
(5) One to get together with Vice President Cheney and figure out how to pay Halliburton Industries a half million dollars for a light bulb,
(6) One to arrange a photo-op session showing Bush changing the light bulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag,
(7) and finally one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing in a light bulb and screwing the country.
You forgot to mention Bush trying to explain how his little 45 watter is as bright as the 300 watt halogen Reagan had.
Somewhere there's an Enron tie in, but I can't be bothered to work it in!
:lol:
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iamaboringperson wrote:
"In a recent interview Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle
:lol: :lol: :lol:
That whole post ruled!
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Wayne wrote:
It's just bleeping jokes guys.
A joke is only a joke if it's intended to be a joke.
Considering Iama's previous posts, I have my doubts that these are really intended to be jokes.
But then, I do not really know if the whole "Iama" phenomenon is one big joke.
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The subject said "politically incorrect jokes". Anyone opening that thread has absolutely zero right to be offended by the jokes inside. The fact that some of you are so goddamned humorless (not you particularly) is truly pathetic.
On any other site, jokes would be jokes, but the same assholes who are {bleep}ing about jokes here really need to relax, or go elsewhere.
Responses such as those by Glaucus will not be tolerated. If he's too stupid to understand why, then he doesn't need to be allowed out of his mother's house for a week.
If the fact that simple jokes cannot be posted to this site without drawing open liberal {bleep} criticism and offended sensibilities, then perhaps it's really, really time for this site to stop it's operation, because it's no fun any more. While I welcome discussion of all things, this is simply too, too much.
Wayne
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Wayne wrote:
The subject said "politically incorrect jokes". Anyone opening that thread has absolutely zero right to be offended by the jokes inside.
So it'd be okay if I would start a 'whites only' thread and blacks would have absolutely zero right to be offended by what's stated in there?
On any other site, jokes would be jokes, but the same assholes who are {bleep}ing about jokes here really need to relax, or go elsewhere.
But these are no jokes. These are rants wich have the appearance of a joke.
We all know about Iama's pov.
-edit-
look, I got some severe political incorrect speeches of the standup-comedian Hans Teeuwen, as well as I love for instance South Park, I like this kind of humour, because I know how it's intended.
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but... but.... but....
You guys have gotten so used to being offended at everything, and so used to fighting politically that you simply cannot have a normal conversation without turning it into whining. No one can win, because all anyone wants to do is whine and complain. In this one thread, I see the mistakes of my management (or lack thereof) over this -- my first and original -- site, and lose all wonder at why other Amiga sites are popping up all over the place and people are complaining about this site's lack of "fun factor".
{edit}
Looking at some of the other recent threads, it's clearly apparent why other people (former Amiga.org members) would feel this way -- being attacked for asking questions, being slammed for their efforts to better the Amiga (witness the comments in that new file site news item) -- and more. To them, I apologize. I'm also a little depressed that the moderation staff hasn't quite stepped up, but I understand. They can't win any more than I can against {bleep} cries of "censorship" and other patent insults.
After creating the coffee house forums, I truly thought it would get better, but if anything, it's getting worse and the veracious (and mostly badgeringly intimidating) wacko liberals have literally run off the brightest and most constructive members of this site (and the community).
I don't know how to correct it, aside from simply shutting down the site. That however is something I'm not prepared to do right now unless pushed -- which a lot of you seem to be pre-disposed to want to do.
{/edit}
I just don't understand it. spookychick.com isn't this way, and political discussion is allowed there. This is truly getting to be no fun any longer.
We all know about Iama's pov.
Thanks for speaking for over 3700 current Amiga.org members. I'm sure we ALL know about his "pov" and share your particular viewpoint. Where would we be without you to help guide us?
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I'd've laughed my ass off if for instance Glaucus had posted these jokes just for the sake of lousy political incorrectness. But since Iama has posted, who has stated in other threads about his (true?) opinion, I have a bad feeling about this thread.
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@speel,
Like I said, my comments are more generalized and are not particularly directed at you. You simply have the distinction of having started the complaining about the thread so it was easiest to simply reply to your post (the limitations -- or I should say the functionality -- of this Xoops software are truly starting to annoy me).
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I should explain that due to external factors that I won't get into, I am currently going through a real crisis of "faith" as to why this site exists any more.
The only resolution I see before me at the current time is to completely reboot the site with a 100% Amiga-only lean. After all, all the other sites have popped up to support the other compatible products and Amiga.org is now simply being used as a propoganda tool by them for their own means. I'm not stupid, but I'm not as empowered to simply stop it as one might think.
Besides, it's time to split this site between "Classic Amiga" and "AmigaX" support anyway.
-
The only resolution I see before me at the current time is to completely reboot the site with a 100% Amiga-only lean.
The sad thing is that's prolly right. :-(
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time for more 'in poor taste' jokes. if you guys can see flash, go here (http://www.ejectbush.com/wiggumorbush_page.html) for a game :
"Who said it Ralph Wiggum or George Bush?"
:roflmao:
btw, i gotem all rite! :lol:
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Responses such as those by Glaucus will not be tolerated.
Why's that? I thought my jokes were the funnies jokes of all! You can't take what you dish out eh? Bunch of cry babies!
Of course my intent here was to simply demomnstrate how one man's joke - no matter how harmless it might seem - can be another man's insult. Remember, some people - for example gays - have to live a life where everyone makes fun of gays. I'm sure that can't be very confidence building. These jokes do nothing more then to re-enforce some rather nasty stereotypes. In that sense, it doesn't matter how funny they are!
- Mike
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Mike?
No one here gives a royal {bleep} whether you are gay, straight, or a sheep fetishist such as our favorite CTO. It's only your own weak skin and tepid sensibilities that are at issue and there isn't a damned thing that we should have to do about that.
If you cannot live in a world that can make fun of itself, you really don't need to be here. My suggestion is to buy a thicker skin, or to at least become more comfortable with who you are. If you were comfortable with who you are, simplistic jokes wouldn't bother you and the world should not have to bend to accommodate you.
On the other hand, specifically calling someone a "{bleep}ing idiot" is not a joke, it is not funny, and is a direct insult in direct opposition to the posting guidelines.
Wayne
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Wayne wrote:
Mike?
That's me! :-D
No one here gives a royal {bleep} whether you are gay, straight, or a sheep fetishist such as our favorite CTO. It's only your own weak skin and tepid sensibilities that are at issue and there isn't a damned thing that we should have to do about that.
Well, I'm not any of those, so I wasn't directly offended. However, I did notice that several of my fellow forum members, some of which happen to be homosexual, did not appreciate the homosexual jokes. Like I said before, these play on old stereotypes, the very same stereotypes some people use to justify fag-bashing. The jokes depicting Jews as cheap and obsessed with money are exactly the same stereotypes the Nazis exploited to justify their "final solution" to the "Jewish problem". Perhaps you feel these stereotypes truly are harmless, I'm trying to tell you that they are not.
- Mike
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After creating the coffee house forums, I truly thought it would get better, but if anything, it's getting worse and the veracious (and mostly badgeringly intimidating) wacko liberals have literally run off the brightest and most constructive members of this site (and the community).
Excuse me there Wayne, but who has been run-off? Believe me, there's no conspiracy to run off anyone. And if there is, I'm not involved in it, nor would I.
- Mike
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Typical biased moderating me thinks. When Sumner7 was posting crap like this, everyone was on his back (especially iama), but now the boot is on the other foot, it's okay. Normally i wouldn't mind jokes like this being posted, but it seems others are treated differently.
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Typical biased moderating me thinks.
Moronic comments like this are exactly why I ponder the need for these forums any longer.
There is a real feeling that these forums are a lost cause and there's no way left to do them and win. Moderate and get stupid comments like yours. Don't moderate, and get stupid comments from everyone else screaming that "you should have moderated that thread".
I'm still very much thinking about it, but this site -- or at least the Coffee house forums -- is really looking like it's due for a reboot. Uncontrollable forums conquered by liberals and other wackos should not be the primary focus of this site. Every thread -- even joke threads -- should not turn into a political, theological, or sociological debate and to be honest, it's very, very tiring on the spirit.
I find it very amazing that we now have the next Generation Amiga available and this typical whiny {bleep} is still continuing.
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@Wayne
I am sorry to to hear that you think my comments were "moronic". But i am pissed off and will stand by my comments. And i hope that it doesn't come to you rebooting the site.
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You are allowed to be as pissed off as you want. Imagine how disappointed you'd be if you ran a site for 10 years, made it into the best in the world, then find it to be a no win situation.
The longer I run this site, the more apparent it gets that non-Amiga-related forums should not be our primary focus. When the activity in the coffee house forums outweighs the rest of the site 10 to 1, there really isn't any reason for it to exist any longer. Perhaps I should really just move the coffee house forums to simplybitchin.com and be done with it. After all, simply {bleep}in' is all you guys ever do anyway.
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Sorry to hear that Wayne. The only other thread i have been posting in is the ebay thread. My Amiga has been down since January, i wonder whether i will ever see it running properly again, since my PPC card blown. I am not even sure if it worth it, i might just get a PC. All what i have been done recently is being conned by some idiot over the months, as he has done with a whole load of people.
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A couple are on their wedding night. They're just about to retire when the groom turns to his new bride and hands her a pair of his trousers.
"Here, try these on and walk around the room" he asks.
"But, if I wear your trousers I'll fall over, they're way to big for me". She replied.
"I wear the trousers in this relationship, and if you remember this lesson we'll get on just fine". He said, tersely.
Without a word, the bride turned and handed him a pair of panties.
"Here, try and put these on" she said.
"What? Don't be silly woman, I'll never get into your panties!" he exclaimed.
"That's damn right. And unless you change your attitude you never will....."
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(off topic rant}
Well, don't take my rants personally. They're not really intended as such. I just find myself frustrated more than not where this site is concerned, and I can't really find a way to turn it around.
I don't own an Amiga, my 3000 having been sold long ago to cover it's expenses (the $3000 loan I had taken out to buy it) before it's value dropped to zero. Due to certain issues, I can't afford to buy one any time in the foreseeable future, and to date, no one has really given me any real incentive to spend the great deal of money, versus going to a Macintosh and OS X -- if I were interested in leaving the PC that is, which I'm getting there.
I would love very much to work to restore this site to it's former glory. No one however seems to know what they want strong enough to know which direction to go in. I simply know that these Coffee House forums are pretty much the bane of this site, distracting us all from our true purpose of supporting the Amiga.
Wayne
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I have got to admit, i have been on the GP32 Xtreme forums more and more these days. These Amiga forums have been depressing for me lately. Me being a student and getting ripped off and other costs has really hit me hard recently :-( The GP32 Xtreme forums are very often described as "early Amiga scene" forums, and is a good atmosphere, but there is even {bleep}ing on there Wayne. So at the end of the day, you have to expect this to happen.
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on the news we have a major review (http://www.amiga.org/forums/showthread.php?t=45492) of the OS4 pre-release CD.
and decent size response. there doesn't appear to be any flaming or idiocy. it seems amiga users are getting back on track.
if the coffee house threads seem to be much larger than everything else, it's only because most of us were bidding our time until there was something solid to sink out teeth into.
that time has come.
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porn reflected in Ashcroft (http://www.pmbrowser.info/hublog/archives/000778.html)
after looking at the pic (which is made from small pics of nakid WE-men. don't panic. this is all PG as what you'll see is a portrait of Ashcroft.), take a look at the remarks. I'm rolling!
:roflmao:
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Hoya!
@Wayne
I think I have a glimpse of what you mean...
The political forum, for instance, is more or less a small war between American Republicans VS. The-Rest-of-the-World-Which-is-Obviously-Evil-Pinko-Punks...
To me, it seems that some people just use this forum to discharge their frustration.
It is a pity, because talking about religion OR politics is ALWAYS a good means to spoil the atmosphere.
As for the jokes... If a gay, a Black or a Jew cracks some jokes about a Black gay Jew, there will NOT be any problem.
But if someone with a narrow mind do so, no matter what they can say, the meaning will, obviously, NOT be the same.
Anyway Wayne, I DO hope this will not put you apart from AOrg, for it is a great site and you do a great job! :-)
:pint:
Be funky
M A D
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cecilia wrote:
porn reflected in Ashcroft (http://www.pmbrowser.info/hublog/archives/000778.html)
after looking at the pic (which is made from small pics of nakid WE-men. don't panic. this is all PG as what you'll see is a portrait of Ashcroft.), take a look at the remarks. I'm rolling!
:roflmao:
Well I ain't rolling! That bloody picture gave me the creeps! :nervous:
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Speelgoedmannetje wrote:
]Well I ain't rolling! That bloody picture gave me the creeps! :nervous:
it's the satire that's funny, not asscracks ugly mug.
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if the coffee house threads seem to be much larger than everything else, it's only because most of us were bidding our time until there was something solid to sink out teeth into.
Yeah, that's how I see it too. I too don't really use my A4000 any more, and rarely even use WinUAE anymore. However, I always check the news on the site, but I find I rarely take part in Amiga specific discussions. However, I expect that as more people get OS4, more people will have questions about it, along with genuine interest in the platform, and I would be surprised if the Amiga forums don't turn around with time.
Fact is, the Amiga-user community has gotten a lot smaller rather quickly, and few people use the old Amiga hardware anymore. Taking away the Coffee House isn't gonna change that I'm afraid. If anything, it's the Coffee House that keeps me in touch with the Amiga and it's community. Take away that and I'll have little reason to keep comming back.
- Mike
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after looking at the pic (which is made from small pics of nakid WE-men.
So which one is you??? ;-)
- Mike
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Glaucus, if you're such a 'pansy' that you can't handle a few 'politically incorrect' jokes, I don't know why you've come to this thread.
I've only attempted to liven(or brighten) up the place ... up till now it's mostly been "war war war ... bush bush bush ... war war bush ... {bleep} {bleep} {bleep}"
Go out. Leave everybody else in peace.
Well, I'm not any of those, so I wasn't directly offended. However, I did notice that several of my fellow forum members, some of which happen to be homosexual, did not appreciate the homosexual jokes. Like I said before, these play on old stereotypes, the very same stereotypes some people use to justify fag-bashing. The jokes depicting Jews as cheap and obsessed with money are exactly the same stereotypes the Nazis exploited to justify their "final solution" to the "Jewish problem". Perhaps you feel these stereotypes truly are harmless, I'm trying to tell you that they are not.
Dude, I'm a self admitted 'homophobe', but even so, I left out some of the more 'coarse' of the 'anti-gay' jokes I found. Some I thought were (as much as I appreciated them - and found them funny) a little inappropriate.
I say these stereotypes ARE harmless. (BTW Why do you say they're not?)
One of the very people who emails the 'blonde jokes' that I occasionally post, is a follower of Judaism. She is a truely wonderful person.
This Jewish woman is probably the only person to have visited me besides my mother and the real-estate agent. She even sends me gift vouchers!
I'm sure that if the jokes were that bad, SHE should surely be offended by some of the stereotypes. But she's not.
I don't particually like the 'dumb blonde' part of the 'blonde jokes'. Even so, I think they're rather cleaver - and funny, and so I post them.
AND I LOVE BLONDES.
Same thing goes with some of the Irish and Asian jokes for example...
I know a person from Ireland - she's a nice person. SHE can tollerate Irish jokes.
(I don't know how much this might matter, however:) I have Irish ancestors, I have Chinese ancestors. I like many of these jokes.
Just so long as the jokes aren't particually hateful or crude, I think they're worth posting.
Or, perhaps we'll just stick to the old fashioned:
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
What are you doing?
-
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
What are you doing?
Now thats what I call funny...in a liberal "Politically Correct" world :lol:
Seriously, I don't think these guys understand what mainstream aussies are like, we take the pi$$ out of everyone and everything...to us this is nothing more than a bit of fun...oh well...
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Now thats what I call funny...in a Liberal "Politically Correct" world
Dude, decapitalise that 'L' in liberal! :-o
-
Question: What is the difference between Carville and a catfish?
Answer: One?s a scum sucking bottom dweller and ones a fish.
Question: What?s the difference between Carville and a bald monkey?
Answer: A sports jacket.
Question: If you were in a room with Hitler, Mussolini and Carville and you only had two bullets what should you do?
Answer: Shoot Carville twice.
Question: What's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and Carville?
Answer: One has a Radio Show and is the most listened to in America and the other is a loud mouth bald liberal looser.
Question: Why can?t liberals find facts?
Answer: They aren?t looking for any.
Question: How do liberals brain cells die?
Answer: Lonely.
Question: How do you confuse a liberal?
Answer: You don?t, they are born that way
Question: If Hillary, Bill and all the liberals are on a sinking ship, who gets saved?
Answer: We do.
Question: What?s the difference between an Iraq terrorist and a liberal?
Answer: The Iraq terrorist makes fewer demands.
Question: What?s the difference between liberals and cow pies?
Answer: Cow pies stop stinking after awhile
Question: Did you hear about the new liberal agenda.
Answer: They got two hands in your front pocket and two in you back pockets.
Question: What?s the definition of a liberal genius?
Answer: A liberal who can count all 50 states.
Question: What do you get when you cross a Jackass with an onion?
Answer: A whinny Liberal.
Question: How is being at a Democrat convention different from being at the circus?
Answer: At the circus the clowns don?t beg and whine at you.
Question: How many Liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: It takes ten, nine to deny that darkness exists and one to hire a Republican to change it.
Question: How much does a Liberal cost?
Answer: Nothing, Liberals have no values.
Question: How many chromosomes does a Liberal have?
Answer: Only 45, they are missing the ?Truth Acceptance Chromosome.?
Question: What is the difference between Liberalism and Communism?
Answer: The Communist admit it.
Question: How high can a Liberal?s I-Q go?
Answer: Only as high as the Liberal Spin they receive.
Question: Why do Liberals lie?
Answer: It comes natural
Question: What is a Liberal?s primary ?feeling??
Answer: Envy.
Question: What is a sure way to teach a Liberal to fetch?
Answer: Tie Bill Clinton?s picture to a stick and throw it.
Question: Why do flies fly over Liberals heads?
Answer: They have crap for brains.
Question: How can you tell a group of Liberals?
Answer: They are the ones burning the American Flag.
Question: How can you tell a group of Liberals?
Answer: They are the ones burning the Constitution
Question: What is the difference between a Liberal and a bucket of old cheese?
Answer: The bucket
Question: What is the difference between giving to the poor and giving to Liberals?
Answer: The poor don?t follow you around for three weeks whining for more.
Question: Why did God make Liberal smarter than rats?
Answer: He didn?t.
Question: How do you drown a Liberal?
You paint Bill Clinton?s face at the bottom of a pool.
Question: Why do Liberals like smart women?
Answer: Opposites attract.
Question: Why is it so hard for Liberals to make eye contact?
Answer: Clinton?s rear doesn?t have eyes.
Question: Why is it so hard for Liberals to see?
Answer: There are no lights in Clinton?s rear.
Question: How can you tell between cow pies and Liberals?
Answer: You Can?t.
-
A man bellies up to a bar muttering,"asshole democrats".
A guy next to him says, "Hey I take offense to that".
The man says, "Why, are you a democrat".
No the guy says "I'm an asshole".
The old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a Democrat. Get me a change of registration form." "You can do it", the lawyer said, "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a Democrat?" "That's my business! Get me the form!"
Four days later, the old man got his registration changed. His lawyer was at his bedside making sure his bill would be paid. Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing, and it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "Please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to become a Democrat so badly before you died?" In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said: "One less Democrat".
Environmentalists are like watermelons. Green on the outside, red on the inside!
Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?
A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.
In an article on Northern Ireland, the political party Sinn Fein was described as the political wing of the IRA. I guess that makes the Democratic Party the political wing of the IRS.
A Democrat and your mother-in-law are trapped in a burning building. You only have time to save one of them.
Do you have lunch or go to a movie?
Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a catfish?
A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.
Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The state takes one and gives it to someone else.
COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The state takes both and gives you milk.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The state takes both and sells you milk.
NAZISM: You have two cows. The state takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. The state takes both, kills one, and spills the milk in the sewage system.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a conservative Democrat, and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
Q: What's the difference between Al Gore and a slab of formica?
A: Absolutely nothing.
News Flash: Al Gore was admitted to a hospital yesterday in Washington. Sources tell us that termites thought that Al Gore was an old bed post.
President Clinton plans to reduce the budget deficit by an appeal to sacrifice. The problem, however, is that every time he gets near a virgin...
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a snake?
A: One is spineless, has a forked tongue and is a threat to humans. The other is a reptile
THE CLINTON ADMINISTRATION: "BRINGING WASHINGTON TO ITS KNEES"
Q: What's a conservative?
A: A liberal who made it through adolescence.
Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying?
A: Only a Bill Clinton supporter is too dumb to know the answer to this one.
Q: Why do the Kennedy's cry during sex?
A: Mace
"I am Clinton of Borg. Your incomes will be assimilated."
Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Draft will begin production in Canada this year.
Vote Democrat... It's easier than getting a job.
A man is walking near a lake when he sees Bill Clinton in a sinking boat. He can either save Bill Clinton or take a picture that would earn him the Pulitzer Prize. The question is... Which lense does he use?
:-P
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Looks like everyone is being picked on on this page! :-o (http://hogwild.net/Rants/sex-jokes-liberal-jokes-how-to-pick-up-women-jokes.htm)
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@iama
Your avatar is very interesting :-D Maybe i can over rule this situation and let you off the hook! :-)
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@iama
Who is that in your avatar any way?
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These have sweet FA to do with politics or political correctness, but who cares ?
Mickey Mouse is in his solicitors office, wanting to file for divorce from Minnie.
After going through all the basics, his solicitor says "I`m sorry Mr.Mouse, but the fact that your wife has bucked teeth isn`t a strong enough case for divorce"
In that horrible stupid squeeky voice, Mickey replies "Bucked teeth....bucked teeth? I never said she had bucked teeth, I said she was f###ing Goofy"
In Amiga.org, no-one can hear you groan....
-
TRIBUTE TO RONALD REAGAN (http://homepage.ntlworld.com/gaz18jf/hosting/reagantribute.html)
:lol:
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cecilia wrote:
TRIBUTE TO RONALD REAGAN (http://homepage.ntlworld.com/gaz18jf/hosting/reagantribute.html)
:lol:
:-x :-)