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Coffee House => Coffee House Boards => CH / General => Topic started by: Wolfe on February 27, 2004, 01:26:21 AM
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1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.
5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and #OOPS#head's.
11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.
13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
14. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
17. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
"Don't pick that up; you don't know where it's been!"
:crazy:
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Here are some of life's truths:
1. If you drink and drive you will eventually maim someone.
2. The older you get, the more conservative you will become.
3. Editing is never finished, only abandoned.
4. If you are going to be nailing 100 nails, you might as well go ahead and hit your thumb.
5. No matter how thin, there is always two sides to everything.
6. Parents who let their children play with explosives will soon be childless.
7. Don't expect to understand women, it's not going to happen.
8. If you live long enough and are male, you will get prostate cancer.
9. There is no such thing as a level playing field.
10. You should never use the words socialist and government in the same sentence.
11. Don't throw rocks at people who have guns.
12. Five years after opening your own company, you will no longer consider yourself a liberal.
13. There are no Atheists on a battlefield.
14. If you're willing to suck from a sow's teat, you don't get to complain about the smell.
15. You are never going to change human nature.
16. If you can do it, it ain't bragging.
17. Last but not least; No good deed goes unpunished!
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Fade wrote:
13. There are no Atheists on a battlefield.
Which is a variation on : There are no atheists in foxholes.
But 'tis not so.....
http://alabamafreethought.org/pages/atheistsinfoxholes/ (http://alabamafreethought.org/pages/atheistsinfoxholes/)
http://www.fact-index.com/a/at/atheists_in_foxholes.html (http://www.fact-index.com/a/at/atheists_in_foxholes.html)
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And you have never been on a battlefield!
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Fade wrote:
And you have never been on a battlefield!
Non sequitur. (But you knew that, didn't you.)
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Count all their names on their monument (http://www.mindspring.com/~alutiiq/pix/foxholes-1.jpg).
Room for one more Fluffy.
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#1 If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.
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Fade wrote:
Count all their names on their monument (http://www.mindspring.com/~alutiiq/pix/foxholes-1.jpg).
Room for one more Fluffy.
Oooooh Help me. I better go find a nice god I can believe in so I don't feel so scared!
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Maybe you can find one at the lakeside by their Convention Center (http://alabamafreethought.org/pages/virtualtour/pavilion.htm) near beautiful downtown Hypatia (http://alabamafreethought.org/pages/virtualtour/auditorium.htm)
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Leave it to Fade to turn this "lite" thread into another pointless debate about nothing intelligent. :roll:
- Mike
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Which one was it?
The "If you can do it, it ain't bragging" or the "No good deed goes unpunished."
Think that's something; go look at the Teresa Kerry thread.
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As Faddam wrote:
11. Don't throw rocks at people who have guns.
No, rather sneak 'em behind and bash their head with the stone.
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FluffyMcDeath wrote:
Fade wrote:
Count all their names on their monument (http://www.mindspring.com/~alutiiq/pix/foxholes-1.jpg).
Room for one more Fluffy.
Oooooh Help me. I better go find a nice god I can believe in so I don't feel so scared!
I'll be your god, if you like!!!
Somewhat like the "ultimate Irony" in red dwarf... that lister the "ultimate Atheist" turns out to be god of the second big bang... and Cloister the savour (at least in theory) of the Cat people...
Made me laugh anyway :-)
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Glaucus wrote:
Leave it to Fade to turn this "lite" thread into another pointless debate about nothing intelligent. :roll:
- Mike
All threads, regardless of subject, will eventually evolve into right vs. left, top vs. bottom, or in some other way us vs. them. :-)
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10. You should never use the words socialist and government in the same sentence.
That is, if you're living in the 'democratic' US
13. There are no Atheists on a battlefield.
That is because they are sane, productive people.
15. You are never going to change human nature.
Or even understand it.
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bloodline wrote:
I'll be your god, if you like!!!
Cool. Then I'll have a god that really exists! That will be better than Fade's god.
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@Fluffy
So, you can prove your god exists, but still, you have to prove whether he's a god or not...........
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Speelgoedmannetje wrote:
@Fluffy
So, you can prove your god exists, but still, you have to prove whether he's a god or not...........
I shall prove it by religious logic.
I shall ask him.
If he says "YES" then he is truely a god because a god would not lie.
If he says "NO" I will know that Satan is trying to fool me and trying to turn me away from my god and therefore my god must truely be a god.
If he does not say anything then I shall know that he will send me a sign which could be absolutely anything (and probably will be) thus proving that, not only is he a god, but he is a mighty god.
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FluffyMcDeath wrote:
I shall prove it by religious logic.
I shall ask him.
:lol:
Spoken about subjectiveness, relying on a subjective resource.
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In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry, and is generally considered to have been a bad move.
-- Douglas Adams
This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the
whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
-- Douglas Adams
Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very fast.
People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people from point B are so keen to get there and what's so great about point B that so many people from
point A are so keen to get *there*.
They often wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell they wanted to be.
-- Douglas Adams
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FluffyMcDeath wrote:
Speelgoedmannetje wrote:
@Fluffy
So, you can prove your god exists, but still, you have to prove whether he's a god or not...........
I shall prove it by religious logic.
I shall ask him.
If he says "YES" then he is truely a god because a god would not lie.
If he says "NO" I will know that Satan is trying to fool me and trying to turn me away from my god and therefore my god must truely be a god.
If he does not say anything then I shall know that he will send me a sign which could be absolutely anything (and probably will be) thus proving that, not only is he a god, but he is a mighty god.
To prove how mighty I am... the Sun will rise above the earth tomorrow morning!!
-Edit- I need a ritual offering of 72 virgins (perferably female and human), if this does not happen I shall make the Sun fall from the sky and plunge the world into darkness*
* for approximately 8 hours... :roll:
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bloodline wrote:
-Edit- I need a ritual offering of 72 virgins (perferably female and human)
Let's see, I have 72 virgins here for you .... oh, except this one ... and now this one too, and ... let me just check this one ... nope, not a virgin anymore, how about .....
Damn, I'm just making things worse (but if it's bad, how come it FEELS SO GOOD????????)
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Must they be virgins? Why not just good looking women?
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iamaboringperson wrote:
Must they be virgins? Why not just good looking women?
You're offering a god 2nd hand stuff????????????? :-o
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bloodline wrote:
To prove how mighty I am... the Sun will rise above the earth tomorrow morning!!
-Edit- I need a ritual offering of 72 virgins (perferably female and human), if this does not happen I shall make the Sun fall from the sky and plunge the world into darkness*
* for approximately 8 hours... :roll:
ah! a Mighty AND clever god!!
:lol:
(PS, Fluffy: you are having WAY too much fun!! careful or the wrath of the ghods will come down on you! or maybe one of those former virgins. whichever) :-P