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Coffee House => Coffee House Boards => CH / General => Topic started by: X-ray on January 26, 2005, 09:58:25 PM
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Firstly, Happy Australia Day (well it is belated if you are in Oz, but not if you are in London) :-P
I have good news and I have bad news. The bad news is that my boys in SA lost their first cricket test series to England at home, in 40 years. The poms are gloating here in England. I apologise for my countrymens' inability to avert that shame.
The good news: you Aussies have gained a whole SHED load of new supporters for the Ashes clash coming up. That's right, I have discussed this with my fellow saffers here in the UK and we have decided that Australia is no longer the Sporting Country We Love To Hate. No, sir. We have all been to the tattoo parlours and got our Aussie flag tattoos on our left buttocks. We will be supporting you with gusto!
Signed: X-ray (and millions of other bitter saffers)
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Gracious, even in defeat, eh? :lol:
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As gracious as a pit-bull chewing on a wasp while his scrotum is trapped in a waffle-maker :-P
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At school we used to use expressions like that to define classical ugliness...
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It works on that level too...I certainly ain't perrrrty
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Of course as teenagers we were generally rather less sensetive and considerate with our expressions. I can remember a classmate once expressing his exasperation when it was alleged (albeit falsely) that "the new lad" had tried something on with one of the girls.
"Y' copped off wi' her? Feck man, ah wouldna' thought the tide 'ud take her out, like!"
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Whew, that's a harsh one. I hope 'Y' didn't hear it :lol:
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He was talking to 'Y' ...
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X-ray wrote:
It works on that level too...I certainly ain't perrrrty
Something (http://homepage.ntlworld.com/christopher.sheffield/facesofamigaorg/images/X-ray.jpg) tells me that even if someone new were to think that, they'd consider keeping it to themselves :lol:
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Eh? The quote seems like he was talking about 'Y' to another person. Ah well,it matters not, the point is 'Y' appears to have been less than discerning in his choice of temporary partners...
Back on the subject of Aussies, we have quite a few at work, including one absolute stunner. There was a karaoke evening and a few of the Aussies and some of the locals went along for the evening. The stunner (who we will call 'C') got tipsy and sang a few songs. One of the other girls remarked:
" 'C' has a voice like a goose farting in the fog"
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"...Something tells me that even if someone new were to think that, they'd consider keeping it to themselves..."
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He he he...that little 'iron' is a chav deterrent, a damn good one too. I should see if it can be hired out - special discount for A.org users.
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Ah, I see your confusication.
"Y'" (almost pron. "yuh") is just the north eastern accented way of saying "you"
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Ha ha ha...me is a tit, me is a tit...
And here I was thinking it was done to protect someone's identity :oops:
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Considering nobody was named, I suppose it was. Albeit accidentally :-D
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:lol:
I just keep on digging, don't I?
Dammit....GO AUSSIES!!!!!!!!! :-P
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Oh yeah, the topic.... :lol:
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No it wasn't that, it was because you were one step ahead of me all along...just like your boys in the cricket. I was being pseudo-sour.
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:lol: Seeing as your'e such a sport, have a drink on me
:pint:
I hear that actimel is interesting clobber. Best had to wash down a good chinese shrimp&apricot latrine special saharan-baked takeaway...
/retreats to minimum safe distance :-)
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:lol:
That has to be the most foul-sounding takeaway ever!
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I think you'll find you were the one comparing it to the one you ate recenly :-D
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lol thanks, but what_are_you_guys_saying?
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:lol: @ thread
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Bodie_CI5 wrote:
lol thanks, but what_are_you_guys_saying?
We're the last people you should be asking. One thing about X-Ray that seems creepily familiar is the ability to completely wander off topic :-D
I think the idea is he is saying that the South African contingent here will be cheering your boys on (an unprecidented event, given the sporting rivalry) in the cricket, since they got beaten by ours.
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@this thread
:lol:
X-ray am I not an honorary Saffer then? I recall one or two curses in Saffer slang that I won't repeat here for fear of a) upsetting any sensitive Afrikaans speakers b) getting the spelling wrong - I do foreign languages in phonetics only
I loved the description of the stunner's singing voice.... There's been a few good ones heard in the office lately, namely aimed at a secretary cum receptionist who's usual response to any question is "that's not my job" or "why are you asking me for?" or even "why don't you go and get X to do it?" while she sits there reading 'More' magazine.
The funniest was "she's as much use as a pair of chocolate trousers"...
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@ Bodie
What Karlos said.
@ PMC
Well, you have to take the Honorary Saffer Test:
1) Do you absolutely LOVE all kinds of biltong?
2) Do you know what Mrs Balls' chutney is?
3) Have you 'dipped 'n Ouma?'
4) Have you been called a moffie at least once at school?
5) Have you used at least one of these interjections: jurra, jislaaik, jinna, jussus, vokkit, doos, or poes?
If you answered yes to all 5 of those, you can be an honorary saffer, and you are expected to get a tattoo (temporary, mind you) of the Australian flag on your left buttock. Your right buttock, will of course, already have a tattoo of a springbuck.
edit:
6) Have you enjoyed a koeksuster and a melktert?
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@ X-ray
1) Being a non meat eater for some time I doubt I'll ever appreciate the virtues of Biltong, although as I eat poultry, Ostrich Biltong isn't out of the question.
2) I believe I've had it mixed in with the odd local dish?
3) Haha! I don't think I've ever tried the rusks...
4) Yes. Once or twice...
5) I've used the term "doos" when dealing with an insufferable idiot and "poes" means something I daren't even mention. I was once visiting the home of my maths teacher and got into all kinds of trouble after beckoning her pet cat over.
6) I may well have....
If there's any bonus points to be had here, I've sampled Castle Lager and Guava yoghurt...
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Okay, you're in !!! :-D
(But you should really Dip 'n Ouma (tm) )
lol @ calling the cat over. "Here, poes, here poes"
"..Being a non meat eater for some time I doubt I'll ever appreciate the virtues of Biltong, although as I eat poultry, Ostrich Biltong isn't out of the question..."
When I went over to SA last year, I tried Kalahari Chicken Biltong, seasoned with lemon and pepper. It was really good. The dry wors ostrich sticks are good too. But Kudu is the daddy.
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X-ray wrote:
Okay, you're in !!! :-D
lol @ calling the cat over. "Here, poes, here poes"
It was exactly like that! Thankfully, my rather well spoken Maths teacher; Mrs Bosenburg took me aside and explained that certain words don't travel well.
I found that I tended to stick with Anglo-Saxon curses as my "saffer" friends had no understanding of the term "b*ll*cks", which of course I would exploit regularly. Saying "you total doos/dweet" in my somewhat plummy English accent when confronted with South African english at it's most guttoral would often cause howls of laughter.
Oh, and if it wins brownie points my folks once hosted a Braai, and was promptly presented with a large Afrikaner delicacy called "Boervous" or something? Anyway, it consisted of dead animal and spices, weighed a good couple of pounds and resembled a mutated cumberland sausage.
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Ja, boerewors (rough translation : farmer's sausage) is a REQUIREMENT at a braai. You can get very nice quality boerewors with little fat and nice spices inside. I miss that.
But the best is a beach braai, or a 'beach barbie' as the Aussies call it. I was reminiscing about the various things we all miss about home and the beach braai is something the Aussies and we saffers really miss. I remember one afternoon we had a beach braai and one guy went out amongst the rocks and came back with a load of mussels which went straight onto the braai. You don't get fresher than that!!
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Guess that Boerewors is kinda like the same as the Dutch boerenmetworst
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The weirdest thing was spending an xmas in Cape Town, walking along the street in shorts in 30 degree warmth to see a bloke dressed as santa claus in a shop window with spray snow on the glass.
Seeing as I've experienced two more summers than I have winters (was a spring baby) then I feel I've lost my capacity to cope with a European winter.
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@ Toy Boy
Ja, it is. And like many of the Dutch-derivative 'delicasies' it is really nice. There is a thing called 'skilpadjies' too. The original skilpadjie ('tortoise') is minced liver wrapped in lard, but the version I have is lamb mince and spices, wrapped in a thin layer of beef and cheese (almost like a beef olive). It is like this (puts finger tips together and touches them to mouth, eyes closed)
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skilpadjie
We got that too. "Förlorad sköldpadda" (lost turtle). It's yummy!
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Skilpadhies sounds like an early case of hardened arteries to me!
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Ja, I would like to bowl a skilpadjie or two on 'Freddy' Flintoff's noggin !!!
Go AUSSIES!!!!!!
/me starts pacing up and down, waiting for justice....
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Sports commentator X-ray takes the mic:
X-ray: This is the last ball of the over and McGrath is going to go around the wicket to Flintoff.
X-ray: Unbelievable!! The ball seems to have come apart! Some of it carried to Gilchrist while the rest of it appears to have hit Flintoff on the visor...he's down! I don't know if he's hit it. Have you ever seen anything like this, Geoff?
Geoff Boycott: well Gilchrist definitely thinks Flintoff is out. The Australians are congratulating him already even before Venkat has seen the replay. Flintoff is okay, I think that one surprised him a bit, he's wiping his visor now...let's look at the delivery again-
X-ray: yes, I think McGrath bowled this a bit shorter than the last one and it caught Flintoff off guard. Look how the skilpadjie has impacted the pitch...if you freeze it there, you can see how the beef unravelled slightly...
Boycott: the mince has separated from the outer layer of the skulpakky and Flintoff has found himself facing a two-in-one delivery. Of course it's the outer layer that counts, but he seems to have taken a swing at the mince.
X-ray: I think you're right, Geoff, Flintoff hit the mince and it's gone up into his visor. If you look at it...just there, back a frame...the beef layer touches Flintoff's glove just there. I think he's out, Geoff.
Boycott: Yes, there it is-
< Aussies in the crowd cheer as the red light comes on. Flintoff walks off, shaking his head >
X-ray: He's been given!! Flintoff goes for 17 runs at a time when England needed stability.
< A young Australian girl hands something to Flintoff as he approaches the steps to the dressing room>
Boycott: Isn't that nice to see...one of the young ladies has offered Flintoff a piece of bread to go with the mince in his visor...
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Dear Aussies
What the hell is going on? This isn't cricket, my mates. First two beatings at the hands of the counties and now Bangladesh is giving you the goose.
I sincerely hope you boys sort this out: I spent a lot of money getting this Australian flag tattooed on my arse you know.
Tomorrow I wanna see some real cricket from you lot, okay? I wanna see England go down!
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X-ray wrote:
Dear Aussies
What the hell is going on? This isn't cricket, my mates. First two beatings at the hands of the counties and now Bangladesh is giving you the goose.
I sincerely hope you boys sort this out: I spent a lot of money getting this Australian flag tattooed on my arse you know.
Tomorrow I wanna see some real cricket from you lot, okay? I wanna see England go down!
I've never understood immigrants that dislike the country they have been welcomed to live in. :-?
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:lol:
This isn't about immigrants, old bean, it's about sport...tut tut
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X-ray wrote:
:lol:
This isn't about immigrants, old bean, it's about sport...tut tut
If I went to live in SA, and SA played a country other than England at some sport or other, I'd want SA to win though.
Especially if that country was Wales, Ireland (Both of em) or Scotland! ;-)
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It's not so simple. I don't automatically support any given team based on whether I pledge allegiance to any given country.
For example, back in the day when he was good, if Wayne Ferreira (SA) was playing Tim Henman I would support Henman. Why? Because he is a better sportsman, and I don't like Ferreira because he is sullen and moody. That doen't mean that the South African authorities will be demanding that I relinquish my South African passport, it just means that I am not a fan of Wayne Ferreira.
The same applies to other sports. Just because I support Australia in the cricket against England, doesn't mean they have my automatic support for all other supports, such as swimming for example. It comes down to the team, and whether I like them or not. Just because a team represents a nation in a particular contest, doesn't grant that team 'immunity' from criticism, even from its own citizens.
I'm not a British citizen yet, but when I become one, I'll be looking out for little clauses in the oath that I must swear, just to make sure that I am not automatically expected to support the England cricket team with patriotic fervour. ;-)
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I understand what you are saying, but "Teams" and "National Teams" are two completely different things.
To use your Henman vs Ferreira analogy.
When Manchester United played against Bayern Munich in the Champions League Final in 1999, I supported Bayern Munich.
Man United are an English team, but are not THE England team.
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Well, no, because both Henman and Ferreira have represented their countries (and it is especially in that capacity that I didn't support Ferreira) so your football analogy is not applicable.
Being a national team does not grant you immediate and unquestionable support from citizens or residents. Support is earned (and it can be taken away) otherwise such support would be mandatory or legally enforced.
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Being a national team does not grant you immediate and unquestionable support from citizens or residents.
It does in Football. :-)
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Would you stop supporting a team you like if they became really really crap?
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"...Would you stop supporting a team you like if they became really really crap?..."
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That's an interesting one. I suppose it would depend how they became crap. If there wasn't any skullduggery involved (remember my boys and their match-fixing shame a few years ago) then I would still support them. Unfortunately there is always the possibility of politics involved when a sport is at national level (quotas, etc) and that can make a team crap.
Here's one for you: would you stop supporting a team/club because it got bought by a foreigner?
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X-ray wrote:
"...Would you stop supporting a team you like if they became really really crap?..."
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That's an interesting one. I suppose it would depend how they became crap. If there wasn't any skullduggery involved (remember my boys and their match-fixing shame a few years ago) then I would still support them. Unfortunately there is always the possibility of politics involved when a sport is at national level (quotas, etc) and that can make a team crap.
Here's one for you: would you stop supporting a team/club because it got bought by a foreigner?
Nope. I'd actually quite welcome it. Blackburn Rovers were the richest team in the country not so long ago. In financial terms, we are now near the bottom of the league.
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It appears that one of the saffers helped England win today. That's just to get at me, isn't it? :oops:
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X-ray wrote:
It appears that one of the saffers helped England win today. That's just to get at me, isn't it? :oops:
Yes, an immigrant that loves his new country! ;-)
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"...Yes, an immigrant that loves his new country!..."
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Country...not necessarily....
The Pound...definitely
Here's another question...surely those saffers must be naturalized British citizens to play for the England team? What I mean is, shouldn't we be calling them 'defectors' instead of immigrants?
I on the other hand am neither, because I have dual South African and Italian citizenship.
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X-ray wrote:
"...Yes, an immigrant that loves his new country!..."
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Country...not necessarily....
The Pound...definitely
Here's another question...surely those saffers must be naturalized British citizens to play for the England team? What I mean is, shouldn't we be calling them 'defectors' instead of immigrants?
I on the other hand am neither, because I have dual South African and Italian citizenship.
Why do you need to bother getting a British passport if you already hold an Italian one? Surely you have all the same rights/benefits/priveleges as a Brit because you have EU citizenship?
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"...Why do you need to bother getting a British passport if you already hold an Italian one? Surely you have all the same rights/benefits/priveleges as a Brit because you have EU citizenship?..."
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Because, contrary to what you may assume about me (based on my attitude towards your cricket team) Britain and I have a mutually beneficial future. Being a British citizen is the most sensible thing for me to do, especially in light of the fact that I am getting more and more involved in forensics and it is only a matter of time before I find myself handling matters of a fairly 'official' nature if you take my meaning.
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X-ray wrote:
"...Why do you need to bother getting a British passport if you already hold an Italian one? Surely you have all the same rights/benefits/priveleges as a Brit because you have EU citizenship?..."
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Because, contrary to what you may assume about me (based on my attitude towards your cricket team) Britain and I have a mutually beneficial future. Being a British citizen is the most sensible thing for me to do, especially in light of the fact that I am getting more and more involved in forensics and it is only a matter of time before I find myself handling matters of a fairly 'official' nature if you take my meaning.
Why (Seriously why, I'm interested)? An Italian Passport is as good as a British passport as far as i'm aware.
From what you hint at, you suggest it isn't for certain things, but we all get told that we are all European and have the all rights of a citizen in any EU country.