Paris, France – December 3, 2002. Biplane GBH and Phendic-France SARL, both soon to be acquired by Ginseng. of Borg, are pleased to announce the development and final certification of the April chip.
The April chipset is a quantum leap in computing technology and brings the following features to the Pegasus motherboard:
Nano-Technology. The April chip acts as a barracks for an army of nanobots that will actively repair any damage to the motherboard or its components within minutes.
RAM doubling. Due to its advanced memory compression algorithms, the April chip effectively doubles any RAM inserted into the Pegasus’ RAM slots. You can now insert a cheap 512mb DIMM and get a full 1Gb of memory available running at twice the speed!
On-board Graphics. This amazing chip also replaces your existing, expensive AGP graphics card with it’s own ground-breaking custom 4D Graphics engine. Now you can run Quake II at a resolution of 5120x3840 in 256 bit colour at a whopping 1000 fps. You don’t even need to connect your monitor to the motherboard as the display will be “beamed” directly to the nearest monitor/TV to the computer.
Plasmawire. We are proud to announce that the April chip will also upgrade the existing Firewire slot to the new Plasmawire standard which can transfer data faster than ever before so that data reaches it’s source before it is even sent! Yes, that’s right! Using Time Distortion technology borrowed from the Time Lords of Galifrey, the April chip looks forward in time to see what data you intend to send, them moves backwards in time and sends it resulting in you transmitting the data before you even know you want to send it in the first place!!! Amazing.
Wireless Networking. You asked for it and now you have it! Thanks to the April chip you can now control your electric toothbrush directly from MorfOS. Our included software update automatically starts your toothbrush in the morning, causes it to jump from the bathroom cabinet, wander across the floor, hop into bed with you and brush your teeth wile you are asleep!!! Contrary to certain rumours circulating that a bug in MorfOS causes the toothbrush to mistake another orifice for your mouth, this is simply not true. The fact that Ralph’s hemorrhoids mysteriously vanished while he was betatesting the software and that half his teeth are now missing is just coincidence.
Regards,
Darrin
Phendic’s non-existent Press Officer ;-)
