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Coffee House => Coffee House Boards => CH / Entertainment => Topic started by: metalman on January 14, 2007, 05:49:39 AM
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You know the phrase "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus"?
Well, here's an "old joke" example:
Tandem Writing Assignment (http://www.snopes.com/college/homework/writing.asp)
At least you can still buy them beer!
Beer for your Girlfriends and wives (http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2154924.html)
A problem is that other things grow too!
:-P
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Hehe
Well, they have proved that beer contains oestrogen.
Yes.
When 100 men were given beer before a driving test, it was discovered that they started to drive like women :-P
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Male vs Female Dictionaries:
WANTS AND NEEDS:
female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled in a relationship.
male: Food, sex and beer!
VULNERABLE:
female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
male: Playing baseball without a cup.
COMMUNICATION:
female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
male: Leaving a grocery list just before taking off on a fishing trip with the guys.
COMMITMENT:
female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
male: Not getting caught looking at other women while out with one's girlfriend.
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Playing baseball without a cup
Translation:
Playing Cricket without a box.
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And I'm from earth :lol:
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X-Ray:
"When 100 men were given beer before a driving test, it was discovered that they started to drive like women"
Just keep telling yourself that...
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mel_zoom wrote:
X-Ray:
"When 100 men were given beer before a driving test, it was discovered that they started to drive like women"
Just keep telling yourself that...
All women are crap at driving. But then again, so are all men.
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@ Mel
"...Just keep telling yourself that..."
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Should I tell myself that with or without the emoticon?
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X-Ray:
If I made a derogatory generalisation based on a racist cliche and appended a "smilie" it would not be OK.
So why is it ok if its a sexist cliche?
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Mel, it was a joke.
You will find that I have a very good attitude towards women generally and it is in your best interest to find out something about me before slagging me off.
If you want to get even then you can post a similar joke, I can take it.
You've been here for a grand total of 5 days and you've got 10 posts, yet you feel inclined to pull me up on that?
I suggest you lighten up a bit.
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mel_zoom wrote:
X-Ray:
If I made a derogatory generalisation based on a racist cliche and appended a "smilie" it would not be OK.
So why is it ok if its a sexist cliche?
But it's true. ;-)
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X-Ray:
Typical male response: Dont get mad, get even. No wonder the world is in such a mess...
:-P
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@ mel_zoom & x-ray
Would you two please take neutral corners and lets have a nice clean fight.
No kicking, biting, scratching, low blows etc.
:laughing:
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@mel_zoom
Welcome to the coffee house![/b]
@x-ray & Mel_zoom
Your exchange reads like the Tandem Writing Assignment (http://www.snopes.com/college/homework/writing.asp) :-P
A Tale of Two Cities
by Dickens, xray, & Mel_zoom
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct to hell"...
When 100 men were given beer before a driving test, it was discovered that they started to drive like women.
Just keep telling yourself that...
Should I tell myself that with or without the emoticon?
If I made a derogatory generalisation based on a racist cliche and appended a "smilie" it would not be OK. So why is it ok if its a sexist cliche?
It was a joke. You've been here for a grand total of 5 days yet you feel inclined to pull me up on that? I suggest you lighten up a bit.
Typical male response: Dont get mad, get even. No wonder the world is in such a mess...
... "It was the best cure for headache, it infallibly prevented the hair from turning grey, it imparted a particular delicacy to the complexion, it was the National Razor which shaved close: who kissed La Guillotine, looked through the little window and sneezed into the sack." And off her head comes! Now, a child. Tickle, tickle; Pickle, pickle! And off its head comes!'"
... ?
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@X-ray
Understanding "Women" (http://www.mjb.org/jokes/menwomen/womenwords.shtml)
:lol:
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X-ray wrote:
You've been here for a grand total of 5 days and you've got 10 posts, yet you feel inclined to pull me up on that?
I suggest you lighten up a bit.
At the risk of taking sides, AFAIK there's nothing in the TOS that says you have to have been here more than a certain number of days or have a qualifying number of posts to be offended by something.
@Mel
This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with that parking ticket, would it? :-P
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mel_zoom wrote:
X-Ray:
If I made a derogatory generalisation based on a racist cliche and appended a "smilie" it would not be OK.
So why is it ok if its a sexist cliche?
it is the way of the world. i have been the subject of some sexist cliches before too. you can laugh or throw your own back into the fray. tho it is kinda hard to win when it is a roomfull of women.
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jkirk:
This particular cliche is undeserved. My driving insurance is lower than most mens for the same class of car simply because women are better drivers :-P
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mel_zoom wrote:
jkirk:
This particular cliche is undeserved. My driving insurance is lower than most mens for the same class of car simply because women are better drivers :-P
You are allowed to have insurance?
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i don't know many cliches that are deserved. they are just embellished truths sometimes to the point of not having any truth at all.
example: i have something on my mind and go get something from the fridge. i look all over but can't find it. i ask my wife where it is and she points to it. all of a sudden this becomes all men can't find things that are right under their noses. but what is forgotten is sometimes she has that problem too.
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mel_zoom wrote:
This particular cliche is undeserved. My driving insurance is lower than most mens for the same class of car simply because women are better drivers :-P
My recent travels to work have required me to brave the A12 & M25 each day and I've made the following observations:
1) A woman will rarely if ever let me out of a side road, women also seem less likely to acknowledge me if I've let them out.
2) If you see someone driving like a total nutter, cutting you up and/or tailgating then it's always a guy. The older the guy, the more offensive the car.
3) Younger/middle aged women and older men are more likely to hog the middle lane at 55mph and refuse to move to the left lane, despite it being clear of traffic.
4) I regularly drive down a single lane road with a national speed limit. I've lately had three instances where someone has been desperate to pull out of a side road in front of me, (causing me to brake hard) yet they've been unwilling to exceed 35mph thereafter. The three drivers who did this were all middle aged and female.
A male driver is much more likely to drive aggressively, but judging from what I've seen during the last two months male drivers aren't necessarily more likely to drive dangerously. In short, if you assume that everyone around you is about to do something utterly dumb and drive defensively then you'll stand a much better chance of avoiding someone else's carnage.
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mel_zoom wrote:
jkirk:
This particular cliche is undeserved. My driving insurance is lower than most mens for the same class of car simply because women are better drivers :-P
Not true. Your insurance is lower because women have less accidents. Or make fewer insurance claims...
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@ Karlos
"...At the risk of taking sides, AFAIK there's nothing in the TOS that says you have to have been here more than a certain number of days or have a qualifying number of posts to be offended by something..."
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I never mentioned the TOS at all.
I know it is gallant to rush to the young lady's defense but it does make you look silly, considering all the banter we have enjoyed over the years.
Now did you take offence at my joke or didn't you?
If you did, why didn't you speak up earlier?
If you did not, what is your point, other than brown-nosing Mel?
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CannonFodder wrote:
mel_zoom wrote:
jkirk:
This particular cliche is undeserved. My driving insurance is lower than most mens for the same class of car simply because women are better drivers :-P
You are allowed to have insurance?
Meow!
Reminds me of one of Harry Enfield's spoof public information films (http://youtube.com/watch?v=P-892c_QXfs) ;-)
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X-ray wrote:
@ Karlos
I know it is gallant to rush to the young lady's defense but it does make you look silly
I don't think it makes him look silly.
Does anyone else?
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X-ray wrote:
@ Karlos
"...At the risk of taking sides, AFAIK there's nothing in the TOS that says you have to have been here more than a certain number of days or have a qualifying number of posts to be offended by something..."
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I never mentioned the TOS at all.
I know it is gallant to rush to the young lady's defense but it does make you look silly, considering all the banter we have enjoyed over the years.
Now did you take offence at my joke or didn't you?
If you did, why didn't you speak up earlier?
If you did not, what is your point, other than brown-nosing Mel?
For feck's sake :lol:
When you jump to the defensive, you really do it fully with both feet. First with her, then with me :-D
That was my first post in the thread, as that was the first time I had read the thread, so if you'd care to retract the assertions. My one comment was that perhaps you overreacted to someone new criticising you and you had no reason to take it so badly.
As for making myself look "silly", I fail to see how. If anything, your initial reaction to a noob member taking some offense to your jibe was far more amusing:
You will find that I have a very good attitude towards women generally and it is in your best interest to find out something about me before slagging me off.
If you want to get even then you can post a similar joke, I can take it.
You've been here for a grand total of 5 days and you've got 10 posts, yet you feel inclined to pull me up on that?
I suggest you lighten up a bit.
This wee diatribe seems far more histrionic and "silly" than anybody else's remarks here :-D
Whatever would F J Lewis say?
See a frustrated toddler unable to handle a negative reaction to his childish antics, ejecting a dummy in a long arc from his pouting mouth before exulting in a long, ear splitting wail should he recieve one?
;-)
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@ Karlos
I'll refresh your memory because you seem to have forgotten or overlooked Mel's comment:
"...If I made a derogatory generalisation based on a racist cliche and appended a "smilie" it would not be OK.
So why is it ok if its a sexist cliche?..."
My response was by no means a 'diatribe.' It was a reasoned, measured comment that was suitable for Mel who has obviously seen fit to have a petty and immature reaction to a post of mine, without having the benefit of knowing anything about me or more importantly, taking it in the spirit it was intended. It was a joke, Karlos, a concept that I thought you understood. It was not intended to be derogatory.
So yes, if I go on the defensive, it is warranted. My first instinct was to tell her to take a hike. Perhaps I was too kind. I won't make that mistake again.
Nobody else complained about the joke, and I can't believe that anybody who knows me on this forum would think I was trying to take a sexist stance.
As to your comment:
"...This wee diatribe seems far more histrionic and "silly" than anybody else's remarks here..."
That's your opinion and mine is different. Mel set the tone and I responded. If you don't like it, diddums.
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Actually, I couldn't give a feck :lol:
I just found your reaction highly amusing. Whats worse, the more you explain it and get upset, the longer I continue to do so :-D
Seriously, you seem so narked about it it's killing me. And your'e still at it. Sorry man, it really does come across like a grown man having a kids tantrum :lol:
FWIW, I thought the joke was funny, which will no doubt earn me no brown-nose points tomorrow ;-)
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Well I am glad I can provide you with a source of laughter on two counts. Knock yourself out.
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(http://extropia.co.uk/img/his2.png) You're going to cry...
sorry, that I couldn't resist...
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You're on the phone, aren't you?
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@Karlos & X-ray
Awww, come one guys, I think its time for a big group hug :lol:
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:lol:
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X-Ray:
Wow! I see someone cant handle a little teasing. Do you always react like this when someone ribs you a bit? Or did I touch a nerve?
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"...Wow! I see someone cant handle a little teasing. Do you always react like this when someone ribs you a bit? Or did I touch a nerve?..."
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Mel I doubt you could touch a nerve if you were given its precise coordinates and a precision microscope.
If that pettiness was your version of ribbing, I suggest you don't give up your day job ;-)
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@ Adz
"...Awww, come one guys, I think its time for a big group hug.."
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Sure, I looooove hugs. Who is first?
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@X-Ray
Are you saying she didn't totally reel you in? Suuurree :-D
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Of course she didn't, my good man. Don't be silly. Get your bifocals out and read it again.
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'......x-ray in man-love shocker!'
I can see the headlines :lol:
Actually, if women really are from Venus, how come I keep dating the ones from Uranus?
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With respect to the subject title, let me tell you something about our celestial neighbours and see what you can infer.
Mars is smaller and farther from the sun than we are. Its geomagetic dynamo appears to have shut down which has allowed the solar wind to scour its atmosphere away over tens of millions of years. Coupled with the gradual shutdown of the geological activity that would replenish the atmosphere from planetary outgassing, the result is a cold, barren world.
However, the volcanos indicate that this was an active world, the magentisation of its rocks show that it did have a magnetosphere and evidence abounds that the planet had a substantially thicker, warmer and wetter atmosphere in the past. Its day is only slightly longer than ours and clearly it would have been the most Earth-like environment possibly even a place life may have took hold before premature old age robbed it of its vigour. It shows its aged surface for all to see, giving tantalising glimpses of a much friendlier past.
Venus, on the other hand, is considerably more massive than Mars, that extra mass allowing it to hold down a dense atmosphere. A dense, noxious atmosphere that at the mean surface level was more than enough to crush a submersible after an hour.
It's a crushing inferno of a planet, worse than Dante's furthest stretch of the imagination, with impenetrably dense clouds of vitriol shrouding it from closer examination. Its surface temperature is hot enough to melt lead as it lazily rotates (backwards!) in a day that's actually longer than its year.
Despite being closer to the sun than Earth, conditions at the surface are gloomy, so much of the light is absorbed or reflected long before it meets the hellish surface.
The surface itself is deceptively young looking. Every few hundred million years its speculated that it melts due to the lack of tectonic processes to liberate the interior heat, resurfacing vast swathes of the planet with boiling magma that tortures the already chthonic enviromnent even further. Venus really is as close to classical hell as any terrestrial planet can be.
So, men are from Mars and women from Venus. You've seen the environments of both. Make up your own minds ;-)
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:lol:
I think Karlos has the truth right there.
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X-ray wrote:
Mel_zoom wrote:
"...Wow! I see someone cant handle a little teasing. Do you always react like this when someone ribs you a bit? Or did I touch a nerve?..."
Mel I doubt you could touch a nerve if you were given its precise coordinates and a precision microscope.
If that pettiness was your version of ribbing, I suggest you don't give up your day job ;-)
Rules of Battle:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument ...
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Car Accident
A woman and a man get into a car accident, and it's a bad one.
Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."
The man replied," I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head, opens it and says "You take the first drink", then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately chugs half of it, puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The woman asks, "Aren't you having a drink?"
The man replies, "No thanks, I will just wait for the police ..."
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:lol:
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by Speelgoedmannetje:
And I'm from earth
Yeah, you arrived on the tail end of an ass-teroid!
:laughing:
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Meaning of Life (http://i101.photobucket.com/albums/m77/siggy_06/dicktwo.jpg)
:roflmao:
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metalman wrote:
Meaning of Life (http://i101.photobucket.com/albums/m77/siggy_06/dicktwo.jpg)
:roflmao:
:roflmao:
Good one!
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So true!
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metalman:
i havent openly laughed at my computers screen for a while
that got me good ill have to show that to my wife.
i am a better driver than my wife but she usually drives because im lazy. anytime we have snow ice etc she asks me to drive..
most insurance is weighted against males because of risk taking, not skill. life insurance included. similarly most race car drivers are male not because of skill but aggressiveness. the female drivers i have seen are highly skilled but not aggressive enough to take stupid chances. us men take stupid chances even if we dont have to.